Window shopping

[El1]

I need advice, my husband has an obsession (he is on multiple fan/dating sites and constantly looking for photos) with feaderism.  I am NOT a BBW(Big Beautiful Woman) nor do I intend on becoming one. It’s been a source of contention in our relationship but he’s assured me after getting off the sites that this is just something he likes to look at and not what he wants to “turn me into”. Now the problem is I found on two occasions notes that he’s written himself in his “goal journal” that say “my wife is ___lbs and I want to make her ___lbs. I can’t wait to live out my fantasy and become her feeder king”. He insists these aren’t his “true” feelings that he was just fantasizing but I have had it I can’t trust him anymore. Should I trust that this was just fantasizing?

[SooSad33]

1 minute ago, El1 said:

Now the problem is I found on two occasions notes that he’s written himself in his “goal journal” that say “my wife is ___lbs and I want to make her ___lbs. I can’t wait to live out my fantasy and become her feeder king”. He insists these aren’t his “true” feelings that he was just fantasizing but I have had it I can’t trust him anymore. Should I trust that this was just fantasizing?

This is ALL concerning!

No, your partner should be fine & happy with what they have.  That's disgusting thoughts!

I would not trust him or want to be with him.  Just shows you how he really is.  This it not for you.

 

[Coily]

With as many choices for his preferred type as there are, since we don't live in times of famine; why did he pick outside of that? It would be like a size queen with an average guy, or a booty guy with a super thin gal; then trying to force change; just beyond the pail.

If I were in your shoes, and my other half wanted me to risk my life for a fetish, I would run out the door as fast as I could. I would not trust someone like this; it's one thing to have a fantasy, it's another to start planning it; as evidenced by he journal.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, El1 said:

I need advice, my husband has an obsession he is on multiple fan/dating sites and constantly looking for photos with feaderism. 

Sorry this is happening. Perhaps it's just fantasy or a fetish, but the fact that his sexual energy is elsewhere is a problem.

No it's not acceptable that he's on all sorts of dating and sexual apps whether it's just in the fantasy realm or not.

There's actually 2 problems. One is excessive porn, cheating on dating apps etc., the other is a fetish you don't share. The first problem is enough to consult an attorney.

Privately and confidentiality seek out a qualified therapist for ongoing support and advice as well as to help you unpack and sort this out with a neutral professional. Perhaps this will help:

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20041284/

 

 

[smackie9]

He's lying. He's pretty focused on this...it's an addiction. I wouldn't be with someone like this...it would be a struggle for emotional connection/intimacy. He's way off the rails. Why should you accept it? You are on two different wave lengths, incompatible. I think you would find better if you divorced. 

[Starlight925]

People have all sorts of fetishes, and there is no "wrong" fetish.

The only "wrong" is when two people don't share that fetish, causing one person to look outside the relationship, which is where we are.

He's a "closeted" feaderism guy, quite frankly, probably not a lot different than closeted of any sexual preference.  At some point in his life, he will need to come out of the closet, and it will destroy you as a couple.  See:  Kris Kardashian.  Caitlyn Jenner was trying on her sister's clothes, hiding in her sister's closet, when she was a 7 year-old boy.   Your husband will find someone with whom to engage his fetish, if he hasn't already.

And quite frankly, I say, let him go with love.  Let him find what will make him happy, which will release you from his desires and allow you to find the love that wants you as you are.

[catfeeder]

On 9/14/2023 at 4:27 PM, El1 said:

I have had it I can’t trust him anymore.

You've answered your own question. Trust your Self.