I ended it.

[TacticalLinguine]

He hurt me again, can’t take it anymore. Blocked him everywhere, it’s done. 
 

I can’t breathe. 

[shouldhavelearned]

Stay strong

One day at a time

 

[Kwothe28]

OK? More context?

We are not up to the lore, last time I thought everything was going good. So, what happened?

[Cherylyn]

Now you can move on.  👍

[1a1a]

Not hanging around for more of the same is maximum wise I think. Having to ignore your feelings of attachment to do what needs to be done (detach from a bad fit) is really hard. You are mighty!

[TacticalLinguine]

I am sorry. I was a mess last night and had no outlet so I posted here while being utterly overwhelmed by everything. 
 

Things were going relatively well. But we began bumping heads. Maybe he’s not into me as much as he claims to be. He says one thing, does something different, then rewrites history and excuses himself in a new made up way. I don’t know if it makes any sense. I felt gaslit last night. When we are together everything is lovely, but there’s always drama in getting together. He’s late, cancels, is tired. Just a couple days ago we talked everything through and seemed to be in a really good place. I was so happy and excited. Then last night plans got cancelled once again, my last straw was when he wouldn’t pick up my call as he was too busy playing games with his brother. I don’t want to intrude his time with his brother, I understand as I have a little sister, but I constantly feel alone and like he could either have me or not, doesn’t matter. He was fine texting. 
 

I’m not judgmental or shallow. I am a professional woman, I have built a very successful career for myself by mid 20s and have a clear sight ahead. He’s utterly broke in his late 20s, hoping to make it in martial arts. He’s counting pennies at the end of every month. I never judged. I supported him any way I could. I accepted he was tired sometimes or busy with training because of course he is. But I shouldn’t put up with feeling worthless when I do have a lot to offer? Not just finance wise. 
 

My head is a mess. I can’t focus. I have already begun bargaining with myself, “Maybe I should be more understanding” or “You overreacted”. I’m scared for when it really hits me what I’ve done. Then again I tell myself that even though I have blocked our ways of communication, if he really wanted to, he could still reach me. I’m afraid of how my heart will break when he doesn’t or what happens if he does. 

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, TacticalLinguine said:

He’s late, cancels, is tired. .last night plans got cancelled once again, my last straw was when he wouldn’t pick up my call. He’s utterly broke in his late 20s, hoping to make it in martial arts. 

Sorry this happened. You made the right decision ending it. It seems like you dodged a bullet if he's this disrespectful and unreliable.

[Kwothe28]

3 hours ago, TacticalLinguine said:

He’s late, cancels, is tired.

That just shows his character and lack of trying. So yes, you were right in breaking it up. Keep "no conttact" and dont worry too much if he would contact or not. You have to understand that it really doesnt matter. You made the right decision and stick to that.

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, TacticalLinguine said:

I never judged. I supported him any way I could. I accepted he was tired sometimes or busy with training because of course he is. But I shouldn’t put up with feeling worthless when I do have a lot to offer? Not just finance wise. 

Deciding another person's values are not compatible with yours for a relationship is not judging -we all then "judge" when we choose a romantic partner -we're supposed to - I don't judge someone's decisions to pursue a career that leaves him financially strapped but I wouldn't date the person if  were single. 

Why do you need to support him in his choices - to this extent I mean -you're not married, you don't have a child together- be a cheerleader, be caring, be supportive yes but where are your limits? My husband almost had to have a late night meeting the other night which is really difficult for me if it's in our home since I go to sleep early but it was important to his career so I of course was supportive but if he'd said his friend wanted to meet up for a drink at 10pm randomly and on a school night for our son, with rare exception I wouldn't have been "supportive" unless there were extreme circumstances. 

There are boundaries and you sound like you made yourself into some sort of martyr.  I had a very successful and lucrative career starting in my late 20s.  I only dated men who were financially stable(like me) and matched me well in ambition and work ethic and all the other stuff. I didn't judge struggling artists -I was often close friends with them, attended their performances, exhibitions, etc -just didn't date them.  

[TacticalLinguine]

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Deciding another person's values are not compatible with yours for a relationship is not judging -we all then "judge" when we choose a romantic partner -we're supposed to - I don't judge someone's decisions to pursue a career that leaves him financially strapped but I wouldn't date the person if  were single. 

Why do you need to support him in his choices - to this extent I mean -you're not married, you don't have a child together- be a cheerleader, be caring, be supportive yes but where are your limits? My husband almost had to have a late night meeting the other night which is really difficult for me if it's in our home since I go to sleep early but it was important to his career so I of course was supportive but if he'd said his friend wanted to meet up for a drink at 10pm randomly and on a school night for our son, with rare exception I wouldn't have been "supportive" unless there were extreme circumstances. 

There are boundaries and you sound like you made yourself into some sort of martyr.  I had a very successful and lucrative career starting in my late 20s.  I only dated men who were financially stable(like me) and matched me well in ambition and work ethic and all the other stuff. I didn't judge struggling artists -I was often close friends with them, attended their performances, exhibitions, etc -just didn't date them.  

I don't understand. Martyr how? I'm just disappointed because I genuinely put effort into this relationship and opened up for the first time in a long while. Your career and dating choices are yours. Mine are mine. 

Of course I supported him - I was okay with seeing each other less, etc, so he could focus on his dreams. Why, because I intended to be his partner. 

I made the "judgment" comment because in one of my last threads people said a broke man with uncertain goals is not a good pick. Also to somehow help convince myself that yes I do deserve stability and happiness, I don't know. I am just trying to keep it together. 

[Batya33]

Just now, TacticalLinguine said:

I don't understand. Martyr how? I'm just disappointed because I genuinely put effort into this relationship and opened up for the first time in a long while. Your career and dating choices are yours. Mine are mine. 

Of course I supported him - I was okay with seeing each other less, etc, so he could focus on his dreams. Why, because I intended to be his partner. 

I made the "judgment" comment because in one of my last threads people said a broke man with uncertain goals is not a good pick. Also to somehow help convince myself that yes I do deserve stability and happiness, I don't know. I am just trying to keep it together. 

You supported him to the point of resentment.  To me that's being a martyr.  I simply gave you an example of boundary setting. I think you did yourself a disservice by not setting proper boundaries and telling yourself lies about not to "judge" meaning stay in a relationship with a person with incompatible values.

[TacticalLinguine]

1 minute ago, Batya33 said:

You supported him to the point of resentment.  To me that's being a martyr.  I simply gave you an example of boundary setting. I think you did yourself a disservice by not setting proper boundaries and telling yourself lies about not to "judge" meaning stay in a relationship with a person with incompatible values.

I genuinely do not understand. Where is my resentment? This has nothing to do with the support I volunteered, or our values. He just didn't treat me right. Why, I don't know. 

[TacticalLinguine]

I'm so lost. Don't know what to think. I keep telling myself I misunderstood something, it was just an error in communication, I want to reach out again. But this has also happened so much. He doesn't communicate with me properly, doesn't seem to put in much effort. I've cried so much lately.

And then my mind goes back to the last time we were together a couple days ago. We had such a great time. He wouldn't even let me leave, ran to me as I was leaving for a last kiss. 

Just hurting. 

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, TacticalLinguine said:

I'm so lost. Don't know what to think. I keep telling myself I misunderstood something, it was just an error in communication, I want to reach out again. But this has also happened so much. He doesn't communicate with me properly, doesn't seem to put in much effort. I've cried so much lately.

And then my mind goes back to the last time we were together a couple days ago. We had such a great time. He wouldn't even let me leave, ran to me as I was leaving for a last kiss. 

Just hurting. 

I'm so sorry you're hurting. I think your "support in any way I can" ignored that he wasn't supportive of you -of your time and -did he admire and show his admiration for your career success, your ambition, your work ethic? Did he respect your time by being reliable? So then why "support him in any way you can" if he wasn't reciprocating?  Your first post shows resentment, no??

Having moments/some great days is not enough to sustain a long term commitment IMO.

[TacticalLinguine]

2 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I'm so sorry you're hurting. I think your "support in any way I can" ignored that he wasn't supportive of you -of your time and -did he admire and show his admiration for your career success, your ambition, your work ethic? Did he respect your time by being reliable? So then why "support him in any way you can" if he wasn't reciprocating?  Your first post shows resentment, no??

Having moments/some great days is not enough to sustain a long term commitment IMO.

Thanks for this. You're right. He rarely talked to me about my work, schedule, etc. It was all about his martial arts, current job and some other hobbies. Sometimes I felt like all he really cared about was having a pretty thing by his side. I wasn't resentful as I was also a willing participant. I just wish things had been better.

I try stay logical but I am so attached somehow. I could have loved him. 

I'm being dramatic I know. 

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, TacticalLinguine said:

Thanks for this. You're right. He rarely talked to me about my work, schedule, etc. It was all about his martial arts, current job and some other hobbies. Sometimes I felt like all he really cared about was having a pretty thing by his side. I wasn't resentful as I was also a willing participant. I just wish things had been better.

I try stay logical but I am so attached somehow. I could have loved him. 

I'm being dramatic I know. 

It's fine to be dramatic when you're disappointed and hurting!