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Straightforward or slow?

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A couple of years ago I (male) met a girl and we instantly started vibing. We were really good friends for a couple of weks/months, but everytime we met there was some sexual energy in the room. We eventually started a friendship+. A proper relationship was off the table since she was the ex of an old friend of mine (one of the reasons it took us a long time to do more than a regular friendship). We did not want to hurt his feelings so even the thought of anything more never really occured or we never eally wanted more. We were quite open about our non-exisiting feelings (assuming she was truthful - I was) Eventually we lost touch, she moved away and then me.

We kept sporadic contact online for the past 7 years, but with the pandemic and me being horrible at keeping contact, plus some psychological things like depression, it regressed into just a couple of messages a year.

However over the past few years, I never really stopped thinking about her. In my head, I kept coming back to her and the times we had with each other. I kept wondering, what if things had been different? I just cannot get hear out of my head. Maybe I have been lying to myself back then, suppressing what I felt. Maybe we both did. I do not regret how we handled things back then - we could not do more. But I cannot shake the feeling, that there might be a lot more there between us.

Recently we realised, that we live relatively close to each other (3 hours on train) and we started to reconnect. We are planning to meet in a couple of weeks (we are both quite busy atm). I have not told her anything about my thoughts. I don't know if we still connect as we once did (it does feel a bit like it, but telling online is hard), I don't know if I am just imagining my feelings and I don't know what she thinks about us, but i DO know, that I have to find out.

How do I approach this? Do I keep quiet and just wait for when we meet and try something then? The suspense is killing me. Or should I be straight forward and honest with her and tell her, that things are different now. I am looking for more than just meeting an old friend and I am interested in a proper date, to finally answer that question of "what if"? To me, now after all my experiences since then, I think that there is something real there. Maybe it is all in my head, as things in retrospect sometimes are, but right now, I think about her all the time.

Please advice 🙂


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Don't get too ahead of yourself. 

It's been a while since you have seen her in person. Wait and find out how you gel (or not) in real life after all this time. You might find that you see her just as a friend.

I would see how this meet-up goes. It will help you understand if you actually want to explore something further or not. Then talk to her about it. 

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29 minutes ago, Kylek said:

 We are planning to meet in a couple of weeks.  Do I keep quiet and just wait for when we meet and try something then? 

First just meet and catch up.  Transitioning from friends to a relationship could be complicated add to that, the distance.  See what things are like when you meet in person. 

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I dunno, in my experience all those "what if" scenarios never turn up good. For example I believe that, if something was there, at least something more then a friendship would have happened before. And that you wouldnt just fall out and lost touch like that.

But, I also believe that you owe it to yourself to at least try. Why wonder "what if" for years when you can at least try and see what happens?

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