I don’t know why the thought of ending the relationship is in my head

[Czechmate]

2 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

She is a "party girl". She literally dropped everything so she could pick up some stranger with her gay BFF. Or to have drinks with her friends. And as such, your lifestyles are simply incompatible. You would probably like somebody who would more be "homebody" and be with you at home. And not partying up until 4am, drinking and doing who knows what. While she still wants all that stuff. To get drunk, to party, to come home late etc. There is no future in a relationship like that. Where you want to work and not go out with her, while she goes out with her friends until 4am. Its just two completely different lifestyles that dont match at all. To the point I wouldnt be surprised other men are involved too. Czech 20+ year old in England? That doesnt pass without noticing by men. Added with her lifestyle, I am sure there are plenty of men out there hitting on her. What do you think she does until 4am? Just drinks?

Its really questionable why you are living together. You both have a house question not solved so maybe that is why you and her still stay with each other. After all, its easier then with living alone. But overall speaking, this is something that is bound to breakup sooner rather then later. And you should look for appartments on your own so you would have some place to live.

It was the bloke we rent the room from they pick up in her bff car.

 

as for the accommodation I was just moving out from my ex and this was the only option I had but if we break up I have no options again and I’m F’d. Yes I shouldn’t be at my age I know 

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, Czechmate said:

.as for the accommodation I was just moving out from my ex and this was the only option I had but if we break up I have no options 

Did your ex force you out? It seems the main issue is homelessness. How can you afford child support and other living expenses? Why are you suddenly broke and homeless? 

Perhaps you can work something out with your child's mother (how much were you paying there?) until you can find reasonable accommodations? 

The situation you're in, sharing a room/bed with this partygirl, is not sustainable.

[Tinydance]

9 minutes ago, Czechmate said:

So the story with the airport is..

the place room we rent she’s known the bloke for years and he’s a nice guy and there’s another couple here too. So he went back home for 2weeks and needed picking up here so asked us as I drive she didn’t. We said no as we had work the next day but her gay best friend said he would as he knows him well. So 3x that day the gay friend kept asking my partner to go with him and she said no(but I don’t think she did). We planned a movie that evening and around 7pm she had a shower and got dressed and said she’s going with her friend to the airport in his car to get the bloke. I was angry and was like so you’re leaving me to sit in the car for 5hrs and her reaction was pointless like yes? She didn’t see my view that I’d been shut out just to pick him up and acted like nothing happened when she got home just after midnight.

I only look out for her well being for the job as she was ill the week before and if she ill again the work will question her. I don’t want to be all fussy or policing her but seeing friends to the point you’re out for a whole day and not giving updates to your partner to me is pretty harsh. And still no sign of life this morning as the time ticks to her due in work.

the invite me out to drinks etc is this is a common thing where it’s within the hour she’s decided to go out if asked and this time was the case. She originally put I’m going out as your finish late for a few drinks come join us if you like but becouse I didn’t go she said she stayed out? Again why stay out if I didn’t go when the plan was for few drinks? 

How often is she going out with her friends? Is it very frequent? Does she get home late often? I think it's a difficult situation because people are allowed to have friends. But if she's giving more of her time to her friends than to you then obviously she's not putting enough effort into the relationship. 

I think the main issue here is that your idea of how to be in a relationship or what activities to do is just very different. You sound mature and responsible in the sense that you're concerned about staying out late before work nights and things like that. She sounds like she's very outgoing and wants to party and loves adventures. For example when you planned to watch a movie at home, she preferred to go on a 5 hour road trip instead of that. Yes she is being rude to cancel on your plans together. But also I just think you're incompatible.

You're trying to make sure she rests before work but to her this just isn't a concern. She's totally fine with drinking and partying before work. Sorry but I don't think it's your job to be worrying about her work. If she gets in trouble at work then that's on her. You've only been together for five months and it's just too much work for you. 

I think for a relationship to work it's important to have things in common and the same values. Her idea of fun is going out drinking, but yours isn't. I don't think it's necessarily wrong to go out for drinks sometimes but if you're not into it then you just don't share the same interests.

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Czechmate said:

around 7pm she had a shower and got dressed and said she’s going with her friend to the airport in his car to get the bloke. I was angry and was like so you’re leaving me to sit in the car for 5hrs

Forgive me, but I don't understand this. Whose car would you have been sitting in for 5 hours, and why? Were you not at home with her while she was getting ready to go to the aiport? I must be missing something. 

1 hour ago, Czechmate said:

Again why stay out if I didn’t go when the plan was for few drinks? 

Well, because she's in a very different place in her life and you two have incompatible expectations of each other. Your relationship styles don't line up at all. She is nowhere near as invested in this relationship as you are. 

 

 

[Kwothe28]

2 hours ago, Czechmate said:

as for the accommodation I was just moving out from my ex and this was the only option I had but if we break up I have no options again and I’m F’d. Yes I shouldn’t be at my age I know 

I mean I dont know your situtation. You maybe invested in something with your ex with who you have a child and now dont have a lot, lots of people after divorce or separation struggle. But yes, you should have more permanent solution at your age. As it seems, this will not last so you could be on the streets. So you should look up for something to rent or even find a roomate. Lots of people in big cities that struggle with finances do that.I mean, she is kinda your roomate for now but again, this is very flimsy situation that could break any moment.

I also dont understand why you waited for her in the car for 5 hours? Couldnt you just wait in the house(room)? 

[Cherylyn]

12 hours ago, Czechmate said:

If I do this I fear I’d make the wrong mistake and possibly lose somebody special. I know what’s been said but she’s an amazing human just I’m feeling different with things

It doesn't matter how amazing a person is.  If you have any misgivings or ambivalence whatsoever,  listen to your inner voice and follow through with it otherwise you'll regret going against your better judgement.

[Czechmate]

On 9/6/2023 at 1:26 PM, MissCanuck said:

Forgive me, but I don't understand this. Whose car would you have been sitting in for 5 hours, and why? Were you not at home with her while she was getting ready to go to the aiport? I must be missing something. 

Well, because she's in a very different place in her life and you two have incompatible expectations of each other. Your relationship styles don't line up at all. She is nowhere near as invested in this relationship as you are. 

 

 

The trouble is she keeps saying when “we” go to see my family and we be doing this and that etc but it’s just the fact she’s not wanting end the relationship just gets in a mood sometimes 

[Czechmate]

So I spoke to a girl at work who worked in a previous job with her last year and she told me she dated the chef there and they split because of something like she a psycho or something like this. My older work colleague said she could be bipolar with everything I’m saying to him and said to get to the doctor or ask her. Move googled it and it could well be this but I want to say I recall her saying something about tablets at the beginning but I’m not certain.

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, Czechmate said:

. My older work colleague said she could be bipolar. googled it and it could well be this .

Have you found an affordable place yet? Even if you want to continue dating, that would be a good idea for you.

That would solve most of these problems with living in crowded conditions and her going out partying and all the schedule conflicts. 

You could sort of undo the damage of rushing in to live together as well as stabilize your life for the sake of being the best dad you can be.

Does it matter if you Google diagnoses or talk about her at work? Is it really going to help you get along better or just shift the blame to "it's her, she's crazy"?

Perhaps you are investing in all this drama to avoid the real issues of homelessness, child support and other more important responsibilities?

[MissCanuck]

Avoid gossiping about her or sharing about your relationship with her former colleagues, OP. 

It's not a good look and it invites drama. You need to do a better job with boundaries here. These people should not be privy to the ups and downs of your partnership with her. 

Have you started looking for another place to live? As @Wiseman2 rightly points out, you need to do that anyway. Living together at this point is going to kill your relationship. It would be a much better use of your time to come with a plan to get your own housing than Googling mental disorders. 

[Kwothe28]

2 hours ago, Czechmate said:

Move googled it and it could well be this but I want to say I recall her saying something about tablets at the beginning but I’m not certain.

Why are you not knowing that stuff about somebody you live with?

Also, her mental health(or lack there of) are not your troubles. Its on her to take care of that. All you can do is to find a place and move away from her. More reason for that if she is trully that.