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Some questions. Opinions please. I am struggling.

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After we broke up (she left me after 2 years)I left her alone for a week. Then I called and she was in varying moods on the phone, happy, sad, laughing, crying, angry etc. Anyway the phone call ended. then a week later she texts me asking me a favour. Then nothing. Two weeks later I text her to ask how she is, she replies pleasently calling me honey, says she is just getting over things. Two weeks later it is her birthday. i dropped a letter off at her mums two days before. Two nights later, she leaves a love song on my voice mail at 4AM. The next morning, the day of her birthday I call her to leave a love song on her Vocemail, she answered the phone so plan failed anyway she was pleasent enough, wished her happy birthday and get off the phone. A little later i text her to say I have sent a card to her friends. No response. I wait two days and ponder the meaning behind the love song she sent me. I send her a text with a nice poem i have made up basically asking her to meet me at a specified place and suggesting I was going to propose. I get a text back saying she has gone away for the weekend with her family, I tell her i can be there in 4 hours. She replies saying I dont want you to. So I call her, she was so hostile it was untrue, I asked about the love song and at first she denied it then said she was drunk. We get off the phone, well she hangs up angry.


I send her a messgae saying that it was unforgiveable to play with my heart like that, blah blah blah. She replies a few hours later and has a go at me again, saying shame you didnt want to marry me when I loved you that much and shame it took you two days to react (to the song0 she said Ithought we could be friends but......I will come and get my things asap. That was five weeks ago, NC since and she still has not collected her things. She is now on holiday with her friend so i guess I am the last thing on her mind.


Basically I am asking is do you think she is deliberately playing games? she always talked of this book 'The Rules' and how she failed to use them on me, if she had things would have worked. our relationship was continual game playing. I just wonder if she was trying to get me to prove my love to her in some way. Do you think I have done enough with the contact? I do NOT want to call her again and get treated so badly and basically my last text said just that. i told her that she could hate me if she wants but I have done nothing wrong, i was just trying to make things right. I explained how I had originally planned to propose on her birthday but obviously that wasnt possible now. if she would have been patient perhaps things would be different. I ended with I love you anyway.


What do you all think?

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She was 30 last month, I am 36. She is in fact still married. We were together two years. Her husband has now moved on with somebody else. She said just after we split that she has been with somebody for as long as she remembers and needs to be on he own. She also said she doesnt need a mna to buy her flowers and underwear she has bought her own etc. So I dont know. She gave me all the cliches, she wants to be friends, I am her best friend, I always want you in my life. i love you but I am not in love with you. etc etc I am just so confused and even though I have been in NC for so long I cannot get her off my mind.

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follow the advice posted so far, up above.

a) she sounds like she doesn't know what she wants

b) she sounds like she misses the benefits of the relationship, but doesn't want to deal with the costs

c) you need to make up your mind that she's basically wasting your time, confusing you, making you miss sleep, all that stuff, yada yada yada.

d) if all else fails, go back to point c

e) also of note, if she begs you back, you may not really be in any shape to deal with more game-playing...


good luck, and glad to see you on board.

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I suggest boxing up her stuff and dropping it off someplace she'll be able to get it when she gets back. Maybe leave a message on her home phone (since she's not home) as to where her stuff is. Then avoid her at all costs until you figure out what is best for *you*.


She's going to do what she wants to do, regardless. A broken heart cannot begin to heal until its done breaking.

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I agree with what the previous posters have said.....looks as though you need to let go of this now.


She's getting on and living her life, you now need to try as hard as you can to pick yourself up and take the steps to move on as well.

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