Not sure what to do

[pils16]

Just looking for comments or advise on this one. Me and my girlfriend were going for 4.5 years. Im 21 shes 20, a couple weeks ago she says that she needs time to herself for awhile but that she loves me very much. Anyway last night i see her and she gives me a long letter saying how she loves me and wants to be with me forever but just isnt ready. She will be graduating from university in the next years and getting on with her career, so she will be very busy and i understand that and dont wanna get in her way. Ive accepted it and even understood it on my side because i am sure not ready to be married and all that stuff. We figure we both need time to take care of ourselves first before we can commit to eachother. Im not sure what im trying to ask here, maybe just some comments or advice on how to deal with this because its hard to love someone and know they love you and not be with them. and it kills me to hear her crying every night over this. we both know this is for the best because neither of us want any regrets later on in life. i guess its the whole growing up part that sucks.... Do you think this is for the best? No rush to settle down? Im also afraid of letting her go and not have her come back. I know that sounds selfish and plus she is a real believer in fate and destiny, but she says that she can see herself with me forever but we both need time to get our lives in order. this could take years.any comments or advise would be appreciated. thanks

[pils16]

one more thing, has this ever happened to any of you out there, if so how did it go?

[starion]

she broke up with you and now she is crying over it, wtf???

anyway,

 

like i mentioned to someone on this board when people are together for a long time the next step is needed, i.e. in your case -> marriage and kids

she is not ready and you don't seem to be so that leads to the mentioned flow of events

people get confused, they don't know what they want, start looking around, looking for something else, different, next step, side step, whatever

 

makes sense?

[punchy504]

I think you guys should take some time apart, you have been with each other for ALL of your young adulthood, there is a wholle big world out there! not just each other. Find out who you are, if you reconnect later great, but don't limit your potential now.

[lunatic]

No I have never had that happen to me but, I am going thru something close to the same situation. So here is what I think you should do.

 

It actually is an old saying.

"Let the ones you love go and if they come back then it was meant to be"

 

Let her go no matter how hard it is on you because if you convince her to stay she may one day resent you for holding her back. If it was meant to be then she will be back.

 

Keep busy and stay strong I know it is tough.

[pils16]

thanks, i guess the hard part to accept is how in love we are with eachother and still doing this. it doesnt seem liek the pain is worth it. but like everyone always says it does get easier. but why do people look around for other things when what you want is right in front of you? and when do you realize that this is it (and dont say fate or destiny)

[Iceman26]

If two people truly love each other enough, they will find a way to make it work. Period.

[Falucchi]

why do people look around for other things when what you want is right in front of you?

 

Because the world is so full of cool, interesting, fun, exciting, great things to do, see, experience, explore, learn and enjoy.

Why, at age 21-23 limit yourself to what's in front of your face???

 

It's a BIG world out there- go LIVE and if you end up together, imagine how much more mature, and interesting and happy you'll be, knowing you got to enrich your own lives first. You'll have chosen to be togther, rather than settling because you didn't know any different.

[lillady898]

I agree with iceman. If people are really truly in love, they can grit their teeth and make it work. People quit too easily when things get too tough in my opinion. I don't know how people who do so can claim to be in so deeply in love.

 

As for "Let the ones you love go and if they come back then it was meant to be." That was something I truly used to believe in... But then I realized this. If someone truly loved me, they wouldn't have left me to begin with.

 

I believe in fate and destiny and all that, but I don't believe in WAITING for any of it to happen. We live a short life and I refuse to believe that putting good things off to a later date is the way to go. People who wait, in my opinion, are those who are unwilling to move forward and accept that live is changing and moving on every single day. I guess what I'm saying, is why are you two waiting to have a seemingly fullfilling relationship and obviously torturing yourself in the process?

 

But who knows... I also don't understand how people can "lose" themselves by being in a relationship.

[lunatic]

People always look around because they think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Whether or not it is or isnt just has to be explored.

 

I dont understand it either.

[Burning_Down]

As for "Let the ones you love go and if they come back then it was meant to be." That was something I truly used to believe in... But then I realized this. If someone truly loved me, they wouldn't have left me to begin with.

 

I think that assumes a certain clarity of vision that people don't always have.

[lillady898]

I think that assumes a certain clarity of vision that people don't always have.

 

Yes, maybe. But that's somewhat funny. Giving up on a relationship because you don't have that clarity seems a bit selfish to me. Giving up on those we "love" will be a problem we always have if we look at it the way most people do. Our world is most definetly a selfish one.

 

EDIT: I would also like to add that I've never been on a break, nor will I ever be in one. A relationship will either have my heart 100% or not have my heart. Noone deserves to be strung along. IF hypothetically speaking I was ever to go on a break, I would admit my true fault: I do not love him.

[Burning_Down]

Giving up on a relationship because you don't have that clarity seems a bit selfish to me.

 

I was more meaning, sometimes people get confused about what it was they wanted and make decisions that they only come to see the stupidity of later on.

 

IF hypothetically speaking I was ever to go on a break, I would admit my true fault: I do not love him.

 

For the record, I agree with you. I've always been pretty clear on my own mind though, I'm just aware that other people aren't always.