trust issues resurfacing again

[crazy7087]

I have recently posted a few questions before. i am just confused again and i dont have many people to talk to. you can check my other posts please. my family and i are not close at all. i posted a question about my ex not trusting me or making false acusations. We recently got back together again for the past 6 months. everythng was wondeful. i basically moved back in and

everything was great. i tried to show him that he could trust me because i wasnt doing anything wrong. i was with him everyday for the past six months. i didnt even go out with my friends at all in the past 6 months because i wanted to show him that he could trust me by seeing me evry moment. i cooked him dinner everyday, made his lunches for work everyday, cleaned up after us,did his laundry for him, etc. then this past friday, my cousin came up from florida because she had a misscarriage. I asked shaun if he would mind if i

visited her because he had to work in the morn. he said no. i left on good terms. he knew that i wasnt going to a bar because she cant drink cause of all the meds that she is on. i even called her in front of him. he knew that i wouldnt be out late because i had to get up early to get my brakes fixed on my car and my mom was helping me drop off my car. I was home at my moms that night pretty early about 1 am. i didnt leave shauns

until 11. now mind you he did move to batavia, which is about 45 minutes from where my mom lives. I make that drive everyday just to see him after working 9 hour days or so and pay so mcuh in gas and tolls. he told me just to stay home that night so i could get my brakes fixed plus he had to be up at 5 for work. I went to get gas in the morn and ran into my friend tia there. I havent seen my friends in ages so i grabbed a quick cup of coffee with her before i wnt to get my breaks fixed.

I then left my car at her house which was right down the road. Shaun was working and saw my car at tias early in the morning. He called me when he got home after ignoring me all day. He called asked me what i did last night. I told him the truth and i even told him that i went out for coffee with tia in the morn. He then accused me of being a lier and that i went out with tia to the bar to get drunk and meet men and just stayed at

her house. I went to the apt. to talk and grabbed all of my things because he told me that he was done with me and didnt want anything to do with me because he cant trust me. I even offered to call tia or my cousin in front of him. I am telling the truth i didnt do anything worng. He texted me yest. to tell me that he loved me and that hes sorry things are like this. I am a very honest person. he even caled me selfish. i do so much for him. Im heatbroken and devasteated i dont know what to do or where to go with this. I know he

cares i dont like being blamed fo sh*t that im not

doing. he's acting like he saw my car at some guys

house which he didnt it was at my friends house. he knows this. Please ehlp im so depressed and crying all the time. I dont know what to do.

Should I just give up? I truly love him to death.

[RayKay]

You are a doormat, sorry to be so blunt. You put your life on hold for 6 months (not seeing any friends) to basically serve him and be around him all the time and think that is normal? That is not an equal partnership in my opinion....

 

Our loved ones if their love is true want to see us grow, and flourish, and enjoy life - not see us be their humble slaves, without any independent life of your own.

 

Respect yourself and walk away....I am not sure if you did anything to BREAK his trust, but I am assuming you did not, so there is NO way that his issue of trust should mean you give up your life - no man is worth becoming a shell of yourself for.

 

Love should ACCENTUATE our lives, not limit it and make us forget whom we are, or make us feel miserable, confused, alone...you deserve better.

[Hope75]

I agree with Ray Kay,

 

I don't know what it is that you are punishing yourself for, but this is not a relationship, it's a prison. Whatever the reason is that your bf doesn't trust you, the relationship cannot continue this way.

 

If the trust was broken and you guys broke it off, and then decided to get back together, the only way the relationship can survive and be healthy is if you can learn to regain trust together and the way you went about it is not the right way.

 

Your guy is controlling you and manipulating you, using your fear of breaking up again, but in actuality I think the best thing is to walk away from him. A boyfriend should add to your life and never take away from it or make you feel like you need permission to do anything.

 

This relationship is completely unhealthy, there is no trust, there is no respect, and without those, there is no relationship. If I were you I'd tell him that there is no way you can be expected to live like that so you are leaving.

 

Best of luck and please keep us updated.

[Minty80]

Read your other posts and your bf sounds incredibly manipulative, controlling, and emotionally abusive.

 

My last ex cheated on me, with my bestfriend of 20 years at that, so yeah I understand dealing with trust issues, but what he is doing has no excuse.

 

He says his last 4 gf's cheated on him? I'm calling BS on that, cause I bet he'll tell his next gf that you cheated on him as well. Even if he was cheated on at some point that's no excuse to treat you so horribly. YOU aren't the one who cheated on him and he has no right to take that out on you.

 

You did everything (more than you should have) to earn his trust and he's not giving it, why? Because if he says he doesn't trust you he can control and manipulate you more easily. It makes him seem like the victim in all of this when in reality that is you. He will forever make trust the goal and then dangle it just out of reach and everytime you start feeling a tad fed up and like he should be able to trust you he'll find a "reason" (excuse) to say you've lost his trust again. It will never end, he will never "trust" you, it will all be a sick game.

 

You do NOT need this guy. Be happy he's gone and if he tries to come back again be strong enough to tell him no way!

[crazy7087]

thanks to everyone who responded. i know that i shouldnt be with him even though it is hard. hes just such a different person. he was never like this before. he used to be the perfect boyfriend going out on a limb for me. then that all stopped with the text message from my ex. its funny because just as i was replying back i checked my mail and there was a letter in there from my ex ex. not my recent one. the one who started al these problems was justin. he lives in atlanta. shaun didnt believe me that he did. he sent me a letter because i changed my cell number for shaun so justin couldnt contact me anymore. he just basically said hi and that he wishes that we could be friends if shaun wasnt in the picture and left his new cell number. that proof right there that i was faithful beause i didnt even know that he moved and the letter shows that i havent talked to him since we broke up years ago and the envelope shows ga as a return address. lol. i know what i need to do but its so hard because i do truly love him to death! i just wished that everytime we had an argument he didnt go and break up with me. just dont know how guys can go from loving you so much one momment and showing it to not caring or even wanna try to work things out.

[Hope75]

I hate to tell you, but what you see is what you get. Your ex here sounds very insecure of himself and his ability to hold onto a woman, and it was absoloutely nothing you did to make him feel this way, that is just who he is.

 

Bottom line is he was treating you very inappropriately and it was not just an isolated incident, it was going on for the better part of six months. His neurotic behavior is not going to change, and you are much better off with him in your life.

[RayKay]

thanks to everyone who responded. i know that i shouldnt be with him even though it is hard. hes just such a different person. he was never like this before. he used to be the perfect boyfriend going out on a limb for me.

 

 

How he used to be is not good enough for how he is NOW....you saw his true colours, the ones he did not put up to be the "perfect boyfriend".

How he used to be should not keep you there, what you have is what he is NOW.

 

 

i just wished that everytime we had an argument he didnt go and break up with me. just dont know how guys can go from loving you so much one momment and showing it to not caring or even wanna try to work things out

 

Honey, guys that really love you DON'T break up with you after arguments (that is manipulative) and guys who really love you for you also do not act that way and switch love on and off...