Being lied to?

[busymom]

OK, so I have previously posted on my marriage situation. Which has not gotten any better by the way. here's the link to that post link removed

 

Well, we basically both know that we are in this relationship just for the sake of the kids, although really i dont think their happy either. I flat out asked him if he was cheating on me. He said no.

 

Today the mail gets here. We get a forclosure notice on our house because he has not made a payment on the house in 8 months. The house is in his name. I didnt know what was going on until today and when I saw the notice I flipped out on him. He thinks he can fix it. I told him I believe its to late for that. The time for that would of been several months ago. Or better yet to not have missed the payments. I think he wanted to lose the house so he can move back to the city and I would have no friend or family to see and talk to on a regular basis. Not going to happen. I refuse to move to the city. My kids ( we have 5 ) have lived here and have been at the same school for their whole school years. I'm not about to uproot them.

 

Later we went on the computer to play a game against one another with out middle son. During the game someone comes in and sits at the table and starts watching the game. Then she starts talking to hubby. The first thing that clued me in was that she said........... So you never told me., how did your day go yesterday? he replied ok. She says back.... just ok? he says yes.... then I'm like hmmm.....check out her profile... she's 22 lives in the city where he works.... I still say nothing because I wanted to see where this was all going.....He turned his back,stopped talking in the window. Then she says to him I dont want to cook dinner its to hot. Why don't you come and rescue me? He said , lol, she says lol, jerk! I'm steaming at this point. Then he says, well I have to go.... She says why? he says he had to get ready for work. She said, oh, ok. See ya there.. Then they both left.........I'm really ticked. I confronted him about it and he says its just someone that he works with. I was like... there are no women that work third shift there in the loading department. He said well no she works days. Then I asked him. Is there something you want to tell me>? He walked into the bathroom, took his shower and left.

[GettingOverIt]

Well, there are all kinds of 'cheating...' It looks like you are being lied to, but at the same time, you are saying that you are staying in thie relationship for the kids... Your children are not benefitting from this relationship, you are not benefitting, your husband is not benefitting...

 

I read your other post, and I have to say that I agree with the responses to the other post - make plans to do what you need to in order to get out....

 

I know firsthand that an emotional affair can be just as damaging as a physical one, and in some way more so...

 

You are in an unhealthy place and your children are there in it too... In my opinion, what is best for the children is not staying in this environment, but getting out to a healthier one....

[RandomAdvisor]

He's obviously cheating on you. In your first post the moment I read he hadn't slept in the same bed with you for years or had sex for you in just as long I knew he was cheating on you.

 

And now the house has been forclosed on as well? Ouch. Mega ouch.

 

Your relationship with your husband sounds like a more fast paced and brutal version of my parents marrige. They got married because my mother got pregnant. They were married two days before he was born. They only had 3 kids, and were older when they married. 25 years later and two lives wasted, they are finally getting a divorce. My father started having an affair with another woman a few years ago.

 

What other signs of cheating do you see? Does he go out constantly and not tell you where? Does he "work late" a lot?

 

Staying together for the children is BS. That's what my parents did and my two brothers are high school drop outs with criminal records. You said it yourself that your children aren't happy. Better for them to have a home with one happy parent than two miserable ones.

 

I highly doubt your marrige to this man can be saved. He's emotionally abusive, manipulative, and in all liklihood cheating on you. You say his family has money and he can use them for a good lawyer in a divorce. I think you should spend some money yourself - on a private investigator. Once you get some solid evidence of his infidelity, he wouldn't need a good lawyer for court - he'd need a miracle worker. You could set your terms for the divorce then.

 

This whole situation must be terribly stressful on you, but I'm sure you know it can't go on. You're only 31 years old! There's no way you're going to grow old with this man and be happy together. Better to divorce him now and get it over with. It'll be better for all parties involved in the long run. Your children can be raised in a more stable environment. Your husband can have more time for his wh*res, err, mistresses. And you'll probably meet someone new eventually yourself. Someone you can be happy with.

 

What the hell did he do with the mortgage money?

[busymom]

What the hell did he do with the mortgage money?

 

I wish I knew. He buys what he wants when he wants it. He refuses to tell me what he does with his money....

 

As far as any other signs of cheating. I really don't know. I believe things are going to come to a head here soon though. Because no way am I moving back to the city.

 

To be honest, I've been the one that has said. I'm sick of the BS... A friend of mine ( also female fyi lol )Her and I go out one night a week and just relax. I told him, I've been the headcook, housekeeper, mechanic, carpenter,laundress and child caregiver for the last 16 years. That one night a week I deserved to have. My friend and I will go to the races, or go to another friends bonfire, or just driving around talking, we've gone to a few local bars, sang Kareoke. Just girl stuff. She has friends that want to get to know me better but I've declined. I've got enough headaches right now without adding to them by cheating. Even though I'm in a dead end marriage ( or should I say just dead? ). I made vows when I married the man and I will not break them. The only one I would break is the till death parts us.. And well, I guess I sound like a chicken **** but I went right from living at home at age 16 to living with my husband. I guess I'm a tad afraid of living alone and whether or not I can make a go of it on my own. Make any sense?

 

I know that things have got to change. And yes I do realize the changes that need to be made. It's all about working up my courage to make such a huge step.

[RandomAdvisor]

I'd bet good money he's spending the cash on gifts for his GF.

 

Hire the Private Investigator. I bet what they find out will give you plenty of courage.

[GettingOverIt]

Busymom, you are *NOT* a chicken****! You are finally realizing what's been going on and you are getting ready to do something about it. I commend you on your sticking to your vows! That is not easy to do for someone in your position.

 

It's good to see you standing up for yourself!