I really dont know what to do, I have very strong feelings for her and can't only be friends, what s

[belete]

hey, me and this woman both early 30's met around 3 month ago, i wasn't looking for anything special but than we met.

im so confused about what to do because i was never in such situation.

this woman is from a diferent country than me, i live in Europe and she in north america (but she is going to move to my country next year)

we met on a dating app but we had an instant connection and things developed really fast, we have so much in common and are really interested to know about eachother, i asked her out 1 week after meeting and she did not hesistate to say yes and we planned the first date, everything went better than i expected we spent more than 8 hours together and we where laughing and actively learning about eachother, we both liked it and planned a second date wich went even better and we kissed at the end, we planed a third date wich she ends up canceling last second giving me a valid reason, since she was about to move back home she did not want to lead me on and wants me to be free and she said its better to do these things when se actually lives here, we agreed to be friends and stay in touch but she started to get more distant, i told her my feelings for her and she confirmed we had a connection, we respect eachother a lot and we like being around eachother but its not the right time for something like this at the moment and she did not want to date right now,

when she moved back home we started to talk a bit more and share things about our lives, we share videos and pictures from our daily lives, but im starting to feel really sad knowing she is out there somewhere far away from me, the more i think of her the more i miss her,

i dont know what i should do, she is a big inspiration for me and she supports and cheers me up about my personal projects and she is my motivation, i tried to go no contact but she keeps reaching out and i can't resist, never have been in this spot before, any advice for my situation? dont know if it worth waiting or move on, i still have faith that the timing will be right one day

[Wiseman2]

22 minutes ago, belete said:

this woman is from a diferent country than me, i live in Europe and she in north america she is going to move to my country next year.

 she was about to move back home she did not want to lead me on and wants me to be free 

How long was she visiting Europe when you dated? Was she there for work, school, vacation?  What is the reason she is moving to Europe next year?

She was honest about not wanting a LDR and just staying friends.  So if you enjoy chatting that's fine but unfortunately as far as a relationship, she's setting both of you free.

[belete]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long was she visiting Europe when you dated? Was she there for work, school, vacation?  What is the reason she is moving to Europe next year?

She was honest about not wanting a LDR and just staying friends.  So if you enjoy chatting that's fine but unfortunately as far as a relationship, she's setting both of you free.

we met a few days after she arrived, she stayed 2 months to prepare a shop she is setting up here, we were really talking actively and saw each other a few times while she was here, we shared good times and even met up after she cancleled the third date, we came to an agreement in a respectful and  mature manner about being friends and she know how i feel for her and vice versa, i know she is setting us free and i dont want her to stop living her life and just want her to be happy, she will be moving here because she doesnt feel comfortable where she lives right now and wants to work here freelance, she even made me open my own business in the short time we met, i feel that she is somone special and it was not chance meeting for me

[MissCanuck]

I think you’re not going to have much choice but to distance yourself from her and cut back on communication.

But the bigger issue I see is that after only 2 dates, you’re saying this woman is your motivation and inspiration. That tells me you’ve already placed her on a pedestal when you actually don’t know her very well, and gotten too attached too quickly. Perhaps look at the bigger context and try to figure out why you’ve let yourself get so swept up in a person you’ve only met twice. 

[belete]

3 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

I think you’re not going to have much choice but to distance yourself from her and cut back on communication.

But the bigger issue I see is that after only 2 dates, you’re saying this woman is your motivation and inspiration. That tells me you’ve already placed her on a pedestal when you actually don’t know her very well, and gotten too attached too quickly. Perhaps look at the bigger context and try to figure out why you’ve let yourself get so swept up in a person you’ve only met twice. 

its really hard for me to explain and never talked about this to anyone, i dated a fair amount of women in the past and i saw many diferent types of women, but in 31 years i never had met somone like her, we could talk for hours and enjoy eachothers company as if nobody else was around us, time stoped when we were together, i know that i got attached really quick but i couldnt help but let it happen, i knew we had only 2 months before she goes away for 8 months and i got scared of losing somone like her so i gave her my full attention while she was here, i dont usually am this way but i just got scared, she is my motivation and inspiration because she made me create my own work that i would never be able to do without her support, i feel like our story is not yet over, not saying this because of my feeling for her but just as a gut feeling that she is somone to stay and not only temporary

 

[Kwothe28]

No offence, but if she wanted to continue something with you, she would. Even if its long distance until she moves in your country again. Instead she just cancelled the date, used convinient excuse of her going away and left you in dust. That are not the actions of somebody who wants something more with you.

Meanwhile you are infatuated with that person. Think you are some kind of "soulmates" and have some kind of connection based on 2 dates. And think that you would just continue whenever she comes back. I am sorry but what you are feeling is not connected in reality. You dont know if she would even come back or not. Let alone if she feels something for you. Heck there are huge chances she is not based on her actions. 

Just move on. 

[rainbowsandroses]

3 hours ago, belete said:

i told her my feelings for her and she confirmed we had a connection, we respect eachother a lot and we like being around eachother but its not the right time for something like this at the moment and she did not want to date right now,

Hmm, I am a woman and I will tell you and I suspect most women will agree that if I had strong romantic feelings for a man, there is no way on god's green earth I would ever tell him it's not the right time and don't want to date him. No matter how far the distance.  Not gonna happen,  I couldn't do it and would never do it. 

I think the intensity and expression of your strong feelings after only two dates scared her and may have turned her a bit off.

Having the feelings is okay, not faulting you for that but it's important to contain your feelings to a certain degree in these precarious early stages when emotions can change on a dime. 

Obviously she still wants to be "friends," and may feel an attachment to you on some level  as a friend. 

My advice is to dial it all back.  Give her space to miss you and wonder about you.  Perhaps her romantic feelings will reignite but for now it's not happening.

Lesson learned my friend.  Keep the intensity of your emotions to yourself until enough time has passed wherein you both feel comfortable enough opening up.  Let it all happen naturally and organically. 

I'm sorry to say, you tried to force it due to your own fears and all that accomplished was your pushing her right out of the proverbial romantic door. 

[smackie9]

IMO she is just being realistic. It makes sense not to commit because anyone of you might meet someone else. Also it would be kinda hard to stick with a LDR when you only had a couple of dates. BUT I think she really does like you, hence why she keeps reaching out....so you don't forget about her. So do what you think you can tolerate and go with the flow. 

[rainbowsandroses]

Nevermind committing, girl doesn't even want to date.  Romantic feelings are never logical and when experiencing them, it's very difficult to stay practical. 

It's possible she continues to reach out because although she has no interest in dating as she's expressed, she enjoys the attention and validation you provide.  Be aware it's possible.

In any case, again dial it back, cut down on texting and calling, introduce some space, give her an opportunity to think about you and miss you (doing so builds attraction) and allow it to play out naturally and organically.