My mother doesn't take me seriously

[Cherylyn]

I've discovered no matter who it is in your life,  that you need to be more independent and independent minded.  I'm steering away from gloming onto others in order to feel as if I'm somebody important or feeling the need to be needed or wanted.  If some people are "off" and not in tuned with behaving as if you matter,  why put forth the effort to be with them when it's predictably unpleasant,  strained,  high maintenance and not enjoyable?  It doesn't make sense.  I'm no longer in the gray area.  I prefer black and white.  Either behave with mutual kindness and consideration or lose interest in them and treat yourself with care.  This applies to EVERYONE in life. 

I think you need to take a step back and think about what is important to you instead of investing in other people too much whether it's your poor choice of friends,  your mother or whomever. 

Focus on yourself and not other people.  Do what makes you happy and you will attract and draw alike people to you whom you can relate because they're similar to you with their behaviors,   principles and values. 

Don't have the "oil and water" scenario with people because the two shall never mix just like in real life.

 

[Coily]

You r problem seems to be two fold. Firstly you still are seeking the approval of your mother, which will always come with strings attached. The second is your mother is having a difficult time seeing you as an adult. I've not been following closely with your posts, so i have to ask, are you an only child?

Now the thing you need to consider is reducing the time the two of you visit. Go to every other week, and then fill that time with something you want to do (no matter what it is). You also need to find ways to "pay her back," think of things she would like and get her a gift or two. Thus flexing your fiscal independence.

That will set some boundaries. proceed from there as conscious dictates.

[Cherylyn]

My local mother doesn't take me seriously either so I don't take her seriously as well.   It works both ways with anyone in your life.  I've since curtailed my visits to her house and same with phone chats.  In the past,  I felt closer to her to no avail.  We can never have an emotionally intelligent conversation so I've written her off.  I love her in my own way which is infrequent home cooked meal drop offs several times a year at best. 

You have to treat people the way they are meaning if their mental capacity for you is woefully limited,  be the same towards them.  Make your interactions with them infrequent and brief.  Those are called enforced healthy boundaries.  You ought to try it because it works wonders.  🙂

[1a1a]

If you want to reset this relationship I think the boundaries need to be firmer. 
 

mum starts niggling

mum I want to spend time with you but when you critique me like this I don’t enjoy it at all and I need you to drop the subject

Mum fails to drop it

ok, I’m going home for today. Let’s try again another day to spend time together without you constructively critiquing me. 
 

And you physically leave the space. 
 

Your mum needs to learn that she won’t get the pleasure of your company if she critiques you.