I was dating others when my wife and I first met

[Anonymous]

My wife just told me she had a nightmare I cheated on her and for some reason I've been feeling this incredible sense of dread. It put the idea in my head... did I?

When my wife and I first started dating 7 years ago I was casually seeing 2 other women (we met via Tinder).

We had never discussed if we were dating other people when we first met and we were long distance from one another. After a few dates and it was clear to me that I wanted to pursue a relationship with my now wife I ended things with the other women I was dating, moved on and never thought of it again. Months before my now wife and I ever discussed being exclusive with one another these other 2 were no longer in my life.

Having heard about my wife's nightmare, it made me think I am wrong for never bringing this up? Should I bring this up now? Isn't this the norm for casual dating? We never really have discussed much nor taken interest in each others dating history.

We have a great relationship today, a little one and a nice home. I feel guilty thinking about this because over the years I've known her I'm almost confident she wasn't seeing anyone else when we first started talking (I've never asked either). Part of me feels like I need to get this off my chest, but the other part of me says this was a normal relationship progression and I shouldn't worry.

[lostandhurt]

You didn't do anything wrong so why do you feel like you need to get this off your chest?  It seems like you followed a very respectable path as far as your relationship with your wife.  There is no need to dump this on her to ease some strange guilt you are feeling all these years later.

 As far as your wife's nightmare goes there may be something going on there other than a nightmare. This could be her testing your reaction, could be her putting you on your heels while she tries to hide something she has done recently, could be insecurity or maybe she is having trust issues for some reason.

  If I were you I would keep my mouth shut and my eyes and ears wide open. I am sure what ever is going on it isn't about when you were single and just getting to know your wife.

 Lost

[LootieTootie]

I don't think you did anything wrong so trying to figure out why she had a nightmare of you cheating makes little sense. The dread you're feeling and her nightmare might be a product of current instability or current insecurity from one or both of you. 

 

[poorlittlefish]

4 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

As far as your wife's nightmare goes there may be something going on there other than a nightmare. This could be her testing your reaction, could be her putting you on your heels while she tries to hide something she has done recently, could be insecurity or maybe she is having trust issues for some reason.

Or it could just be a nightmare.  Nobody can control what happens in their heads while they're asleep, so it may well mean absolutely nothing and it's important you remember that rather than overanalysing it.  You could ask your wife if she's worried about anything in your marriage, but other than that I'd try and put this out of your mind.  Confessing to something when you didn't actually do anything wrong could make things worse.

[Kwothe28]

4 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

My wife just told me she had a nightmare I cheated on her and for some reason I've been feeling this incredible sense of dread. It put the idea in my head... did I?

 

That is what bothers you? That one is right on par with "Would you stay with me if I became a worm?". Meaningless statements that dont do anything but lead to fight. She is just maybe insecure and wants reassurance that you love her and that it would never happen. And you want to put an idea to her head how it maybe did happen? No. That is marriage suicide.

I would think differently if you did cheat on her. But at the start where you just started going out and werent even officially in a relationship, no. You telling her something like that is just asking for a trouble.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

My wife just told me she had a nightmare I cheated on her. We have a great relationship today, a little one and a nice home.

Focus on her comment. Have you asked her about this dream and if she's worried about cheating? 

What happened 7 Years ago before you were exclusive is irrelevant and shouldn't be dredged up.

 

[MissCanuck]

5 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

it made me think I am wrong for never bringing this up? Should I bring this up now?

Are you trying to sabotage your marriage for some reason?

What you did was fine. Your wife's bad dream is just that - a bad dream. What's a lot more concerning is the sense of "dread" this has stirred up inside you. Do you generally suffer from anxiety? Over-thinking? 

 

[catfeeder]

11 hours ago, Guest Anonymous said:

Months before my now wife and I ever discussed being exclusive with one another these other 2 were no longer in my life.

Having heard about my wife's nightmare, it made me think I am wrong for never bringing this up? Should I bring this up now? Isn't this the norm for casual dating?

Ghaaad, no. What would you say, "I stopped dating others months before we became exclusive, but I still feel guilty because you had a nightmare?"

Makes no sense.

[Cherylyn]

No sense broaching this topic now.  Why stir the hornet's nest?  🪰

The past is the past.  You need to leave it there. 

While it's commendable for you to want honesty and transparency,  you have to weigh its outcome and harsh consequences.  You know should you mention dating 2 women while dating your wife,  it won't be received well and do you want to open that door?  Would it be worth it?  Why invite a fight?  You'll be left defending yourself for years to come.  I think you know the answer. 

You would feel more guilty and far worse if you open up a can of worms at this point.  Be wise otherwise you'll sorely regret getting this off your chest in the first place. 

Concentrate on your wife,  child,  house and family life because nothing else matters.  Don't do anything stupid.