Asking for a friend: is it inappropriate to have a man of honor?

[Graystation108]

So I have a friend (let's call her Brit) who is getting married next year, and she's having a bit of a dilemma with who she wants to be the maid, or in this case, man of honor. She technically doesn't have a best friend, but is really good friends with this guy who I will call Adam for this story. Adam is straight and is currently single, him and Brit have been close friends for years because their sense of humor is very similar and Adam was the first person Brit learned to trust as a friend after suffering a huge betrayal from a former best friend a decade ago. Brit's fiancée "Calvin" knows about Adam and has met him, he has never had an issue with Brit hanging out with Adam alone because he trusts her (It's not like they hang out alone every week or anything, I would say once every couple of months and other cases with a group of people). From what she has told me, she always tells her fiancée beforehand if she's going to hang out with Adam and where they would be going. Calvin has reassured her that she doesn't have to tell him every time like this but Brit insisted, both out of respect and to make it clear that Calvin is her priority and that she wouldn't go if he felt uncomfortable with it.

As Brit is deciding on her list of bridesmaids and maid of honor (I'm a bridesmaid), she asked me what I think of her possibly making Adam her man of honor. This is where the advice is needed as I am unsure of what to think about this. On one hand, I can see there is clearly nothing going on between Adam and Brit, they have never came close to crossing any boundaries and neither of them are attracted to each other. But on the other hand, would it look a bit weird to the wedding guests that the bride chose a guy to have the special role? It's much easier to explain if one party is gay, but I have my concerns that it would look bad for Brit, and I would hate for that to negatively affect her relationships. Would it be weird for her to make Adam her MOH? Any opinions are appreciated, be nice though

[Wiseman2]

23 minutes ago, Graystation108 said:

 I have my concerns that it would look bad for Brit, and I would hate for that to negatively affect her relationships. 

Doesn't the bride pick the bridesmaids and the groom picks the groomsmen?

They can discuss who's in the wedding party and figure out which friends and family they want as groomsmen and bridesmaids, no?

Don't worry about "how it looks", it's their wedding and all their friends and family will be there.

[tattoobunnie]

Why is it weird? People do it all the time, and can choose whom would do it best.

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, tattoobunnie said:

Why is it weird? People do it all the time, and can choose whom would do it best.

Yes I agree.  Who cares what others think??

[Big Stan]

I don't think it's strange at all.  Only exception would be if she dated this Adam in the past.  Having an ex stand up in your wedding to another guy seems tacky to me personally.  Otherwise I don't see anything wrong with good friends of the other gender, if her fiancé trusts the dynamic and she's open and honest about him and hanging out with him it sounds like the whole thing is above board to me. 

If I was the fiancé in this situation I would take no issue with it.  So long as he is good with it, what outsiders think is not even relevant. 

[HeartGoesOn]

I may be off base, but I always thought that was called the Best Man.

[Cherylyn]

I had traditional bridesmaids and my maid-of-honor was my best childhood friend.  Fortunately,  she's local and we get together every month for shopping and dining.  My bridesmaids were other childhood friends,  sister and sister-in-law.  My husband's best man was a childhood friend and his groomsmen were college buddies and his brother. 

If your friend wants a man of honor,  she should go for it.  There are no set rules.  It's her wedding so she can choose what she wants to do.  She should confer with the groom because it's obviously his wedding, too.  They should arrive at a compromise or some type of agreement so both sides are satisfied.

My late father didn't give me away on my wedding day.  Two of my closest friends of the family gave me away with each man or father figure to my left and right.  Their children were my closest friends.  Such endearing memories of yesteryear.  ❤️

[catfeeder]

In Brit's shoes, the only person I'd ask would be the groom. If he's even slightly uncomfortable with the idea, I'd skip it.

The 'why' behind the groom's discomfort would be irrelevant. I wouldn't press him to explain himself, as that would sound as though I'm setting him to overcome objections.

The groom knows his family better than the bride. If he would lean into the idea, that's the answer, but if not, then that is the answer.

 

[Batya33]

11 hours ago, HeartGoesOn said:

I may be off base, but I always thought that was called the Best Man.

Yes when the groom chooses for his "side".

 

And if this is the worst of the "issues" meaning if the groom has to come around to the idea a bit given it's non-traditional -let that be their biggest issue ever in their marriage.  And OP -you're supposed to support the couple as part of their wedding so remove the judgmental veil and stand up for your friend.

[boltnrun]

I've seen grooms have a female as their "Best Lady". So why not a Man of Honor?

 

[HeartGoesOn]

Quote

 

4 hours ago, Batya33 said:

And if this is the worst of the "issues" meaning if the groom has to come around to the idea a bit given it's non-traditional -let that be their biggest issue ever in their marriage.  And OP -you're supposed to support the couple as part of their wedding so remove the judgmental veil and stand up for your friend.

Thank you.   I think I misread the original post.  It was past my bedtime.    🤔

[Kwothe28]

Our customs are a bit different. We dont have "maid of honors" or whats its called, but have 2 "witnesses" in front of state and church(if they decide for a church wedding) that sign the papers. Those two are effectively "Godfather" or "Godmather" at the wedding and after for the kids if they need to be baptised etc. You can "inherit" Godfather status as your family was "Godfather" to some people and then when their kids marry you would be called as Godfather or Godmother. But in most cases young couples dont go by customs and that is usually their best friend. 

Anyway, I dont think its that unusual if the man is "Maid of Honor". In fact, there is an older movie with that premise called "Made of Honor". Granted, in that movie "McDreamy" is in love with the bride and, spoiler alert, ends up with her at the end. But, its usually the best friend who fills in the role. If the bride wants it to be her man best friend, and groom really doesnt mind, its more then OK. Its their wedding after all so they are allowed to do it as they want.

[Charlie1984]

If the Groom is ok with it, then what's the problem? I don't see it being much of an issue. It wont look any way but a friend being there for his friend on her special day.