getting over him....still some nagging feelings..please help

[bittersweetly healed]

to recap, i was with my ex for 3 years. we met when we were 15. we were friends first, and then we were together. (i am now 19) he broke it off a month ago when he found pictures of myself on my own camera. they werent of anything bad, just of myself at diff angles, fully clothed, jus messin around with the camera cuz it was new. his immediate reaction was "who are these for?? who are u planning on sending these to??" and my reaction wen he found the pics was to pull the camera away cuz any pics of me always embarrass myself lol. and he knows that i can be self conscious sometimes. he tries to tell me my reaction was suspicious n he jus said all this immature stuff...see this is the second time he broke it off with me for BS reasons. last time was about a year ago n then he came back crying. he said he threw away all he had for nothing and that other people influenced him and bla bla...

 

he hasnt had a job since november, i felt so bad wen he lost his job, and i have been supporting him since and given him a shoulder to lean on. he always said he didnt kno wat hed do without me n that he didnt have the heart to hurt me like that again. last time he experienced the single life, he told me none of the other girls were me so it was hard to move on.

 

now this time around, i blocked him online so that i could have NC. right after the breakup wen we talked he said things to spite me like "oh im goin to this girls house" or stupid things like that. well one day i had to unblock all the people i was blocking b/c i was figuring something out with my preferences. 5 seconds after i unblocked him he IMs me saying "and he's unblockeddddd...prob for like 2 minutess" like being sarcastic but its like he was waiting there to IM me. do you think its still bothering him to be blocked? last time around he said it killed him n he thought about me all the time. i'd like to think that this was the final breakup because he sells drugs and jus doesnt have his life together and i dont need that.

 

but there's this incredible nagging feeling i have that the cycle will repeat itself yet again. i have to be strong, keep NC going, and trust that better things are on the way. has anyone experience immaturity n heartbreak like this before? i gave him chance after chance (which was my fault) and he broke my heart again.

[djedix]

The cycle will continue with this person until they eventually realize how immature they are. It'll take them a long time for that too. They're bitter right now, and want to do anything to piss you off. It's part of that imature way of dealing with a break up. The truth is they aren't going to another girls house, they are just making up lies to try to get you to feel bad about them. try to pull you back in. Just don't fall into the little games, because the relationship will never be the same.

 

How do I know? because when I was 19 I acted like this with someone. Took me maybe 2-3 years to realize how immature i was. I was mad that the relationship was over, and i didn't want it to end. I also knew there was nothing i could say or do to bring it back. So instead of accepting the fact of that some relationships will end/not work out, like i would do now in the same situation, i just abused it, and caused more headaches for someone I loved.

 

Just remember not all people act like this, and hopefully they will eventually see the light as i have that this is not the way to act. But you do not have to wait around waiting for them to grow up. there's plenty of people out there who wont break you heart, and won't act like they are a baby about issues they need to face.

[PlayBrat]

Bitter....

Hi. I am going through a NC thing too..I actually deleted

my account altogether because I do not want him to be able to contact me. I want him to know I mean business and I am done. It will be MY choice to talk to him again, not the other way around.

Your ex sounds VERY immature and childish. Do you REALLY want to deal with someone like that?? So what, you took pics of yourself...big deal!!

I have done that with my digital camera...just goofing off. They say if someone accuses you of doing something, it's because they are guilty of doing something....

Do not give him ANY chance to tak to you...until YOU are ready. Tell him he needs to grow up...until then you're moving on.

Even if it kills you...otherwise he will think his behavior is ok.

[bittersweetly healed]

hey playbrat,

i agree with eveything you had to say. i do not want to deal with someone like him ever again. it was just the comfor thing and companionship thing i missed. i do wonder however if he misses it just as much. this kid was so dependent on me its not even funny. i have no idea why i care wat hes even thinking, i guess i jus wana know if it effects him at all. maybe he says things to spite me because he regrets his decision? i duno.

[PlayBrat]

I hear ya Bitter....I wonder the same things. It's normal. I wonder if he regrets anything...The way I left things was very out of character for me.

I sent him an email, asking him something...to which he never replied...

normally I would have followed it up with more emails...asking him questions, or explaining myself. The usual pathetic behavior. This time I didn't even bother...i said enough is enough. I then deleted my account and have started NC. I can handle someone telling me to "screw off" ..but

silence hurts me worse. I figure I'll let him know what silence REALLY sounds like. I don't know if he cares, or if he has tried to contact me..and YES I do wonder...but I refuse to allow myself to be taken for granted.

All I know is this...what I was doing was NOT working. I need a new approach and to be able to just "walk away". Sometimes that's ten times harder than fighting, but sometimes it's the only thing to do.

Someone else posted on another thread...that made a LOT of sense..

The best way to catch a cat or horse...OR ex...is to simply walk away from them, and let go as compltely as possible.

That analogy makes SO much sense to me...so to whoever posted that...

thanks

[lunatic]

I have to put in my two cents here because I was alot like your EX. I was a jealous, possesive JERK! One day I grabbed her to try and stop her from leaving and that is when it clicked because I was not making the situation any better. I dont know why I did what I did but, the end result was she cheated and broke my heart and my spirit.

 

I did learn that I have to walk and let myself cool down before I can approch this as an adult. That was when I was 18 and now I am 33 so yeah I have grown up.

 

I hope your ex grows up and realizes that your not a piece of property that he owns but, a person. Thats the problem with young men (atleast in situation) I forgot the most inportant thing about life.

 

"Treat them as you want to be treated."

 

You can do BETTER so dont worry your little head over that. Take some time to yourself and do some soul searching because it sounds like you need to do some spiritual healing as well as some growth.

 

Stay strong and DO NOT CONTACT HIM!!

[bittersweetly healed]

thanks hubman...i completely agree.

theres also this other nagging thing...a girl who used to be my best friend (even her mom said i was her only real friend..) spread rumors about me one day just because she was jealous of me n my bf. (who is now my ex, obviously.) then wen my ex broke up with me, ppl set them up together n nothing ever hurt more in my entire life. i feel that this summer might be a repeat performance. how do i get this feeling to go away? i shouldnt care. i have some boys of my own lol.

 

[bittersweetly healed]

today i got such good advice from everyone and im in the middle of reading a really great book...i feel a lil more detached each day as i still continue the NC...it feels good. does anyone else have any input on my topic maybe?

[bittersweetly healed]

for everyone who wants to heal from the inside out..

 

a mom and her lil boy were sitting in church. this lil boy had so much energy he just couldnt keep still. he kept standing up on the chair dancin and wiggling. His mom said "sit down son." so he sat down for, oh .2seconds, and then he was up again. so the mom said again "son, i said sit down." again he didnt listen. so finally she put her hand on his head and pushed him down. with a big smile on his face he said to her "well, i may be sitting down on the outside but im standing up on the inside!"