feminism not a variable? check splitting

[reinventmyself]

Earlier in a post you inferred that Seraphim's challenge at raising a disabled cold was partly related to her ' moods'

[Cherylyn]

Just now, Big Stan said:

That’s not a fair comparison if you worked full time while doing the housework. If anything that really proves MY point. 

I've done it all @Big Stan.  Actually,  going to work is a break despite so many responsibilities because at least I can think whereas with child rearing and running a tight ship at the home front never has a chance to come up for air.

[Seraphim]

1 minute ago, reinventmyself said:

Earlier in a post you inferred that Seraphim's challenge at raising a disabled cold was partly related to her ' moods'

Hahaha if he mentioned moods ; he is confused because I never mentioned moods . 

[Big Stan]

8 minutes ago, reinventmyself said:

Earlier in a post you inferred that Seraphim's challenge at raising a disabled cold was partly related to her ' moods'

She didn’t relate that her child was disabled and herself said that her mood swings made things difficult. I can only go by what people say, and that was said. 

[reinventmyself]

59 minutes ago, Big Stan said:

Too bad you can’t say the same thing because you’re over here struggling with rudimentary tasks. 

Nah. . no struggles here.  I retired early from my otherwise 'very important job where people relied on me and i was faced with very important decisions daily.'

You see.  I've done both.  Full time parenting and full time demanding employment. It gives me some credibility.

You can't say the same thing.  Especially if you are phoning it in with an 8 hour a day housekeeper.

But hey, kudos to you if it's all a cake walk.  That's just *your* experience.

[Big Stan]

8 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

I've done it all @Big Stan.  Actually,  going to work is a break despite so many responsibilities because at least I can think whereas with child rearing and running a tight ship at the home front never has a chance to come up for air.

Not when you’re working too. You’re talking out of both sides of your mouth. First it’s parenting is much harder yet you work too. Yeah parenting while having to work is hard, because of the ADDED responsibilities. 

[Big Stan]

Just now, reinventmyself said:

Nah. . no struggles here.  I retired from my otherwise very important job where people relied on me and i was faced with very important decisions daily.

You see.  I've done both.  Full time parenting and full time demanding employment. It gives me some credibility.

You can't say the same thing.  Especially if you are dialing it in with an 8 hour a day housekeeper.'

But hey, kudos to you if it's all a cake walk.  That's just *your* experience.

I’ve done both too. And my housekeeper comes once a month to tackle the heavy lifting. I said it takes her 8 hours to clean the house not that she spends 8 hours a day doing it every day. 
 

If it’s so difficult for you I can say the same thing to you kudos to you that parenting is so difficult. You and several others are all out here talking about how hard it is and I’m just disagreeing. 
 

Now you’re replying that it’s just my opinion, well no kidding just as yours is only your opinion yet you all have stated it as fact and got on my case for daring to disagree. 

[Big Stan]

11 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Hahaha if he mentioned moods ; he is confused because I never mentioned moods . 

Someone else did and I quoted them. It was a direct quote so whoever said that is the one who mistook it not me but go ahead and laugh. Just make sure you’re laughing at the one who got it confused. 

[Seraphim]

6 minutes ago, Big Stan said:

She didn’t relate that her child was disabled and herself said that her mood swings made things difficult. I can only go by what people say, and that was said. 

I never mentioned mood swings . Read back never mentioned moods. 

[Seraphim]

Anyway as entertaining as this is kids are up from nap and I have to go. 

[reinventmyself]

Just now, Big Stan said:

 

If it’s so difficult for you I can say the same thing to you kudos to you that parenting is so difficult. You and several others are all out here talking about how hard it is and I’m just disagreeing. 
 

Now you’re replying that it’s just my opinion, well no kidding just as yours is only your opinion yet you all have stated it as fact and got on my case for daring to disagree. 

 

Therein lies the problem.  There is a difference between an opinion or a differing experience and stating hard facts.

Your tone, from dating to otherwise is condescending and you speak as if you are the authority and own the gospel final word on these subjects.

Debates are healthy.  At the same time you need to remain sensitive and open minded to opinions and experiences that differs from yours.

 

[Cherylyn]

15 minutes ago, Big Stan said:

Not when you’re working too. You’re talking out of both sides of your mouth. First it’s parenting is much harder yet you work too. Yeah parenting while having to work is hard, because of the ADDED responsibilities. 

Either working, too or SAHM-hood which is heavy duty including emotionally taxing FOR LIFE which is a side of your brain you never have to use during employment.  SAHM-hood is not a clock in / clock out job.  It's around-the-clock.  I didn't have set awake / sleep hours.  I am on call all the time and on constant standby mode.  There is no break. 

Usually,  mothers bear the brunt of child rearing compared to men.  You're not female,  you've never been pregnant for 18 months,  never experienced 24 / 7 nausea for several pregnancies,  never birthed babies,  never nursed babies around the clock while taking care of their siblings simultaneously and you've never been a mother.  You'll always fail to comprehend and grasp this concept to no fault of your own @Big Stan.  You can't speak what you do not know.

You are actually reminiscent of my late father.  He would say exactly what you're saying and then when he came home,  everything was magically taken care of;  his clothes were freshly laundered,  home cooked dinner was prepared and waiting for him,  kids were tended,  all chores,  tasks and errands were completed,  done,  done,  done. 

I won the lottery with my husband because despite his very long day,  he still was a sweetheart ❤️ by planting my English rose garden 🌹 🌺 🌷 in my front yard at dusk. 🌤️ I bought rose bushes from the nursery,  asked him to plant them in certain locations and he lovingly planted them despite how tired he was.  Then he raved about the delicious dinner I had cooked and I said,  "Next time you can help me cook."  He quipped:  "I'd rather dig holes."  😉

[Big Stan]

4 minutes ago, reinventmyself said:

 

Therein lies the problem.  There is a difference between an opinion or a differing experience and stating hard facts.

Your tone, from dating to otherwise is condescending and you speak as if you are the authority and own the gospel final word on these subjects.

Debates are healthy.  At the same time you need to remain sensitive and open minded to opinions and experiences that differs from yours.

 

I can't make you feel any type of way.  Take responsibility for the way you feel and don't blame me.  I speak in a debating and inquisitive way.  If you feel it's condescending then you need to address what's within you for why you feel that way.  I'm open to the experiences of others, but I'm not going to sit back and listen to people flat out tell me I'm wrong.  

I give as good as I get, and you are just as disrespectful and terse with me as I have been with you.  Perhaps try practicing what you preach. 

[Big Stan]

1 minute ago, Cherylyn said:

Either working, too or SAHM-hood which is heavy duty including emotionally taxing FOR LIFE which is a side of your brain you never have to use during employment.  SAHM-hood is not a clock in / clock out job.  It's around-the-clock.  I didn't have set awake / sleep hours.  I am on call all the time and on constant standby mode.  There is no break. 

Usually,  mothers bear the brunt of child rearing compared to men.  You're not female,  you've never been pregnant for 18 months,  never experienced 24 / 7 nausea for several pregnancies,  never birthed babies,  never nursed babies around the clock while taking care of their siblings simultaneously and you've never been a mother.  You'll always fail to comprehend and grasp this concept to no fault of your own @Big Stan.  You can't speak what you do not know.

You are actually reminiscent of my late father.  He would say exactly what you're saying and then when he came home,  everything was magically taken care of;  his clothes were freshly laundered,  home cooked dinner was prepared and waiting for him,  kids were tended,  all chores,  tasks and errands were completed,  done,  done,  done. 

I won the lottery with my husband because despite his very long day,  he still was a sweetheart ❤️ by planting my English rose garden in my front yard during dusk.  I bought rose bushes from the nursery,  asked him to plant them in certain locations and he lovingly planted them despite how tired he was.  Then he raved about the delicious dinner I had cooked and I said,  "Next time you can help me cook."  He quipped:  "I'd rather dig holes."  😉

Appeal to authority.  First off there are plenty of men who are single parents.  You've never ran a multimillion dollar company either, so how do you YOU know it's not harder?  See this is the issue I have with you and a few other people here.  You tell me that my comments are opinion based statements yet word yours with appeals to authority and as factual and the final word.  This one even going so far as to tell me I will always be wrong because I've never been a mother.  

You've never been me either, and you've never had my responsibilities so telling me automatically that I am incorrect while expecting me to acknowledge the possibility and accept it as fact is hypocritical.  I've already said, my job is not a clock in and clock out job either.  Clearly you have no idea what executive level responsibilities are like.  

I'm not going to agree with you that your job might be difficult because none of you are willing to give me the same consideration.  

[Big Stan]

20 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I never mentioned mood swings . Read back never mentioned moods. 

Again someone else did and the OTHER POSTER falsely attributed my comment to you.  So I took them at their word and talked about my comment being a direct quote.  It WAS a direct quote from someone else's post that @reinventmyself incorrectly attributed to you.  

[reinventmyself]

13 minutes ago, Big Stan said:

Clearly you have no idea what executive level responsibilities are like

presumptuous at best.  Not a good look when you keep mentioning much more important you are then the rest of us

[Cherylyn]

1 minute ago, Big Stan said:

Appeal to authority.  First off there are plenty of men who are single parents.  You've never ran a multimillion dollar company either, so how do you YOU know it's not harder?  See this is the issue I have with you and a few other people here.  You tell me that my comments are opinion based statements yet word yours with appeals to authority and as factual and the final word.  This one even going so far as to tell me I will always be wrong because I've never been a mother.  

You've never been me either, and you've never had my responsibilities so telling me automatically that I am incorrect while expecting me to acknowledge the possibility and accept it as fact is hypocritical.  I've already said, my job is not a clock in and clock out job either.  Clearly you have no idea what executive level responsibilities are like.  

I'm not going to agree with you that your job might be difficult because none of you are willing to give me the same consideration.  

Yes,  I've been there.  I've been a vice president of a bank  (large chain bank) and responsible for millions of dollars sitting on my desk when I arrived first thing in the morning.  I was responsible for numerous employees at my branch.  It was my responsibility to constantly keep the money moving and I had many employees whose livelihoods depended on me. 

Since you've never been a mother,  you can't understand how motherhood affects your body and mind not to mention everything is not taken care of when I step foot in the door at the end of the day.  With motherhood / SAHM-hood,  the day and night never ends.  This is the difference.  It's the endless,  revolving timeline.

[Big Stan]

2 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Yes,  I've been there.  I've been a vice president of a bank  (large chain bank) and responsible for millions of dollars sitting on my desk when I arrived first thing in the morning.  I was responsible for numerous employees at my branch.  It was my responsibility to constantly keep the money moving and I had many employees whose livelihoods depended on me. 

Since you've never been a mother,  you can't understand how motherhood affects your body and mind not to mention everything is not taken care of when I step foot in the door at the end of the day.  With motherhood / SAHM-hood,  the day and night never ends.  This is the difference.  It's the endless,  revolving timeline.

I've been a father.  That's no less than a mother and I've directly cared for my son as much as my wife has.  My wife is out of town this whole week and the household is falling 100% on me.  So I have an opinion there as well that's just as valid as yours is. 

[Cherylyn]

4 minutes ago, Big Stan said:

I've been a father.  That's no less than a mother and I've directly cared for my son as much as my wife has.  My wife is out of town this whole week and the household is falling 100% on me.  So I have an opinion there as well that's just as valid as yours is. 

I admire fathers who help.  I really do. 

What I'm saying is that it's different for a mother physically,  mentally,  emotionally. 

[Big Stan]

2 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

I admire fathers who help.  I really do. 

What I'm saying is that it's different for a mother physically,  mentally,  emotionally. 

Outside of gestating the child, which you're correct I can never do, I spent just as much time and emotional labor raising my son as my wife did.  We took turns getting up at night when he was screaming.  She couldn't make enough milk so we bottle fed and we both worked full time.  She dropped him off at daycare and I picked him up daily.  I had hours alone with him every day as did she just due to differing work schedules.  

So I can say that physically it's different until they are born, there's no denying that but how do you really know it's different mentally and emotionally for all fathers beyond that?  That's diminishing the role of fatherhood and it isn't that way for many fathers these days. 

[Cherylyn]

11 minutes ago, Big Stan said:

Outside of gestating the child, which you're correct I can never do, I spent just as much time and emotional labor raising my son as my wife did.  We took turns getting up at night when he was screaming.  She couldn't make enough milk so we bottle fed and we both worked full time.  She dropped him off at daycare and I picked him up daily.  I had hours alone with him every day as did she just due to differing work schedules.  

So I can say that physically it's different until they are born, there's no denying that but how do you really know it's different mentally and emotionally for all fathers beyond that?  That's diminishing the role of fatherhood and it isn't that way for many fathers these days. 

It goes back to my husband who prefers to be on-the-go all by himself,  march off to work,  do yard work,  house / car repairs / maintenance,  errands but cooking and constant child rearing (no daycare)?  Sure,  he's always been extremely devoted has a father and husband and I think I've done a pretty decent job as well.  The autonomy of employment outside the home to us,  is not emotionally draining as being a full-time parent. 

Wear an extra 30 pound weight around your belly for months 24 / 7.  Don't forget to vomit at random day or night for months.  Have electrodes attached to your abdomen to simulate childbirth.  Place breast pumps on your chest and let her rip.  Go volunteer being a SAHM for free for your neighbor mother for weeks / months 24 / 7 and come back and tell me all about it.  😉  I watched a program where roles were reversed and the husband / father went screaming into the woods.  He couldn't handle it.  He begged to go back to work and defer the rest to his wife by letting her bear the brunt of most of it.  Funny.  😄

[Big Stan]

1 minute ago, Cherylyn said:

It goes back to my husband who prefers to be on-the-go all by himself,  march off to work,  do yard work,  house / car repairs / maintenance,  errands but cooking and constant child rearing (no daycare)?  Sure,  he's always been extremely devoted has a father and husband and I think I've done a pretty decent job as well.  The autonomy of employment outside the home to us,  is not emotionally draining as being a full-time parent. 

For you.  Again, this isn't true for everyone.  This is my issue, you are taking your statements as factual when they are just as opinion driven as mine are.  I am right that for me my job is more demanding than parenting.  You are right for you, but that doesn't make you right in a general sense. That's the point I'm making, simple statements that motherhood is the hardest job are untrue for everyone and are not factual. 

[Cherylyn]

6 minutes ago, Big Stan said:

For you.  Again, this isn't true for everyone.  This is my issue, you are taking your statements as factual when they are just as opinion driven as mine are.  I am right that for me my job is more demanding than parenting.  You are right for you, but that doesn't make you right in a general sense. That's the point I'm making, simple statements that motherhood is the hardest job are untrue for everyone and are not factual. 

You're beating a dead horse @Big Stan.  Motherhood is the hardest job in the world especially for women who've crossed the threshold from being single and carefree to sudden motherhood.  You don't have to believe it.  It's OK.  The rest of the world filled with mothers and many fathers will either agree or disagree with you and again,  it's OK.  We're all entitled to our opinions.  I'm just relieved that my husband would never tell me that motherhood isn't the hardest job in the world nor would my father-in-law (FIL) ever dare say that to my mother-in-law (MIL).  However,  my late father would as he did to my mother which I'd never forgotten and it left a bad taste in my mouth.

[Big Stan]

2 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

You're beating a dead horse @Big Stan.  Motherhood is the hardest job in the world especially for women who've crossed the threshold from being single and carefree to sudden motherhood.  You don't have to believe it.  It's OK.  The rest of the world filled with mothers and many fathers will either agree or disagree with you and again,  it's OK.  We're all entitled to our opinions.  I'm just relieved that my husband would never tell me that motherhood isn't the hardest job in the world nor would my father-in-law (FIL) ever dare say that to my mother-in-law (MIL).  However,  my late father would as he did to my mother which I'd never forgotten and it left a bad taste in my mouth.

I'm only taking turns swinging on that horse with you and a few other posters.  Motherhood is not the hardest job in the world, there are plenty of other jobs that are harder.  The rest of the world is filled with people who agree with me and some that don't and we are all entitled to our opinions and that's fine with me too.

I'm relieved that my wife doesn't believe such things herself and sees parenthood as a partnership activity where the husband and wife have equal roles.   

[Cherylyn]

22 minutes ago, Big Stan said:

I'm only taking turns swinging on that horse with you and a few other posters.  Motherhood is not the hardest job in the world, there are plenty of other jobs that are harder.  The rest of the world is filled with people who agree with me and some that don't and we are all entitled to our opinions and that's fine with me too.  

Yes, we're entitled to our opinions.  Continue believing whatever you want and the rest of us will do the same.  It's a free country. 

I'm relieved and grateful that my husband,  sons,  father-in-law (FIL),  brothers-in-law (BIL),  my brother,  sister,  uncles & aunts,  male & female cousins,  nephews,  nieces,  male & female relatives,  male & female colleagues,  many of my male & female friends / neighbors, church brethren and male & female acquaintances have a lot of respect for women / mothers and would never sass back by saying such a thing.  They have too much class for that.  I recognize and realize they're cut from a different cloth.