he cheated and i’m angry

[im a mess]

so i was with this dude i loved very much for about the past year. we were “toxic” (other people’s words). we broke up constantly bc he kept cheating on me, lying to me, and making me feel horrible about myself when i confronted him about it. after finding out from one of our mutual friends that he was f*cking my ex best friend while i was in the hospital (i checked myself in because i was extremely su*cidal after finding out that he cheated on me a DIFFERENT time) i broke up with him for good. my love has turned into hatred.

here’s what i want advice on. i’m so angry. i feel like i never got to speak my piece on what it all did to my soul because every time i’d try to have a conversation with him about a situation he’d lie, gaslight me and point the finger at me, so we never got resolve. there’s a part of me that knows i’ll never get closure from any of it, and i know that it’s better if i leave him in the dust and move on with my life as quickly as possible. but he’s been crying to everybody we know that i just left him to rot basically and i’m the pos. i had to cut all of my friends off cuz he either f*cked with them or tried to, and they did the same. i feel so lonely and neglected. and here’s the thing, i miss him dearly. he was my best friend and we did everything together, but i respect myself enough to know that the situation will never serve me, and he is not the person i thought i knew.

my question is, how do i close this chapter of my life and move on? i’m still so angry.

[Jaunty]

Please talk to a therapist.  You have self destructive patterns.  It's possible to get to a place where you would NEVER consider spending a drop of your emotional energy on a person / situation like this, much less be prepared to end your life over it.   Please do what is necessary to get to that place because you and the potential for the life you have before you ARE WORTH IT.

[smackie9]

This is what we call a narcissist. It's an incurable personality disorder. They only care about themselves, and love to play the victim, gathering supporters along the way. They play by their own set of rules, can't do no wrong in their eyes, and heaven forbid anyone calls them out on their behavior. The way you feel, is what he wants to inflict upon you. You are letting him WIN! The best revenge is to be happy and at peace, carrying on with your life in the best possible way. The more you show how happy/positive you are, the more it will bug the crap out of him. It will show that you won't play into his shenanigans. That's the best revenge you will ever have. So put a smile on your face because it will make you look beautiful. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, im a mess said:

 f*cking my ex best friend while i was in the hospital i checked myself in because i was extremely su*cidal after finding out that he cheated on me. i broke up with him for good. 

Sorry this happened. Please take care of yourself and your physical and mental health. Follow up with the psychiatrists and therapists. Surround yourself with supportive trusted friends and family. Join some support groups. This can help you with the anger.

As far as this man or any of these untrustworthy friends, delete and block them and All their people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Closure is when you ended it and when you block these people from your life.

[Lambert]

I think working with a therapist will be helpful, so definitely talk to your doctor about referrals.

But also keep reminding yourself:

1. that you forgive yourself for making bad choices/ allowing yourself to keep putting up with him and your crappy friends

2. he is not, was not your best friend. false narratives are mind games we play on ourselves. Start changing your thoughts by stopping a thought and redirecting it to something positive. 

3. this will get better because you are working on yourself for yourself and you will do better because you deserve better. 

hang in there.  keep posting here.  vent to us. 

[Kwothe28]

3 hours ago, im a mess said:

my question is, how do i close this chapter of my life and move on? i’m still so angry.

Give yourself a closure. Lots of times other people wont give us one. So we need to give one to ourselves. Write on a piece of paper what you want to say and close the chapter of that book. Under any circumstances dont go in contact with him. You need to better yourself and come to acceptance its over on your own. 

Also, took a look at your previous threads. After almost a year you are still a same mess that you were year ago. I dunno if its the same man or you found somebody else just as "toxic" as previous one, but its literally the same pattern of behavior. Some doushe that required you to kiss his friends so he can get off and this one who cheated on you with your friends. Again, I dunno if its the same man(it would be even more alarming if its different) but its worrying that you stayed or even found another man with the same pattern of behavior. Because the common denominator there is you. And you need to work on your substance addiction and to lead a healthy life. Only then, you will maybe, just maybe, have a chance to find somebody who would also be like that. Until then, you should only focus on bettering yourself. Because your own life is a mess. And that also reflects on your choices of men.

[Cherylyn]

Like you,  I too am angry whenever people disappointed me because I thought they were better than that.  I actually admired and respected them back in the day and then they sorely disappointed me to the point of disgust. 

Like you,  I too am resentful and embittered.  Then,  gradually,  I began to change the way I thought of said person.  Nowadays,  I actually feel grateful to know a person's true character no matter how unsavory it is.  Their bad behavior forewarns me to navigate my life shrewdly with our without them.  If it's without them,  it's a "good riddance!" type mindset.  If they're in my midst,  I enforce the strongest, most permanent boundaries with them.

As for past people who've pained me greatly,  eliminating them from my life gave me tremendous relief and gratitude.  I feel safe and protected nowadays. 

Don't miss anyone who was bad to you because they're not worth your thoughts.  Take good care of yourself,  be mindful of your physical and mental health, heal and move on.  Take baby steps.  It's a process.  Remain patient.  Over time,  you will feel secure and glad to have eliminated bad people from your life.   

[TacticalLinguine]

Hey you, I see a lot of my past self in your post. My ex cheated on me in extremely disgusting ways, and the gaslighting, lying, comparing me to these women, left me utterly traumatised. Over time I grew terribly angry as well. 

All the energy and emotion you feel (anger, pain, sadness, you know), use it. The emotions you feel are paralysing at first, but with enough perseverance and discipline you can use it as fuel for YOU. Moving on, it's not about him, what he did, who he is, what's wrong with him, it's about YOU now. Your happiness, your health, your future, you you you. Treat your body well; eat well, sleep well, exercise, go outside on long walks, get some sun. Get creative if you're into it at all, enjoy music, doodle, draw, maybe read some. Start a new series. Enjoy a simple cup of tea. Soothe your mind however you can. 

You need to learn how to love yourself enough so you won't allow another douchebag to treat you this way.