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Manager’s lecture over lack of camera during meeting


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I would appreciate some perspective.

I posted about how I joined a new team a few months ago. A few days ago, I was asked to do a presentation in front of 70 people. My manager knows I’d never done this and public speaking terrifies me. Fast forward, I do the presentation and the manager wasn’t in attendance.

All good. People apparently loved it. At around 5.30pm when I’m about to log off, I get a ping from my manager asking me to talk. I dial in and they go on a tangent about how multiple people ping her to tell her they did not like that I didn’t have my camera on! They said it wasn’t good, that I should have had my camera on and the team culture is one of collaboration.

I explained that my camera was on and if it appeared off when I shared my screen, I apologize but I’m pretty adamant I had it on. Then she goes on a tangent saying she doesn’t want an apology and that she wants to know why my camera is occasionally off (during weekly team meetings with roughly 100 people on and where I’m not a speaker!) I said it’s for personal reasons and I shouldn’t give such justification. Then she goes on a tangent about how she’s not asking for justification. What? You just asked me ‘why’.

Anyways, I apologize, say it was an oversight (even though I 100% had my camera on and maybe turned it off for a second to drink water) and she kept going on a tangent.

At that point, I had enough and I started crying which she quickly gathered and she says ‘this is not a formal reprimand that will go in your performance record, if that’s what you think’ . I go silent because my anxiety went through the roof and she ends the call.

Fast forward, the following day, I log in, no trace of her asking me even as much as an ‘are you OK’. Nothing. I got an email asking for a deck, nothing else.

I was honestly so happy with my presentation and some people even asked me to join their project with leadership as a result of it. She tore it all apart right after. I’ve been feeling distraught ever since because I’ve been in the industry for 8 years, had disagreements with managers, but never cried in front of one and this one pushed me to tears over something so petty.

I‘m genuinely contemplating resigning next week without any other job lined up because I’ve never seen this my entire career.

Any advice?

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5 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

This is work, we may not like all aspects of it, but if people want to work from home then they have to deal with cameras. How else are employers supposed to ensure people are actually working for the pay cheque they are earning ? 

I was the presenter of a presentation during a conference call. I was obviously doing the work given I was the one hosting the presentation. 

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I would have apologized and said it won't happen again. As a manager I would not want to hear that you don't like the camera "for personal reasons" or that you don't see why it's necessary. That is not a valid excuse. If being on camera is required then it's up to you to comply. 

I just got called back into working in the office. My job duties don't require in person interaction but I comply with the mandate because it what's required. I don't get to get out of it "for personal reasons".

Also, crying in front of your manager isn't professional. It would be a good idea if you can rein that in.

If you can afford to be unemployed over this very small issue then I guess go ahead and quit. But you're going to run into things you disagree with or are unpleasant at any job.

Also, consider getting professional help if being on camera is traumatizing enough that you're willing to leave a good job over it. 

I have anxiety so it's not like I don't get it. But it's important to remain professional at all times. 

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22 minutes ago, FlipFloppy said:

I explained that my camera was on and if it appeared off when I shared my screen, I apologize but I’m pretty adamant I had it on

FlipFloppy, my company uses a few different flavors of remote meeting software and in most cases I have not been successful in showing my face on video AND showing my screen content simultaneously.  You may want to research the program you are using to see if it is possible.  If so, document the steps and use them next time.  Share with your manager that you have established a new process to use in future.

If, however, it is NOT possible then you may want to share your research so your manager knows she was unreasonable (you should not have to say it or present the information like "I tole ya so").  You would just say, "as a followup to your request, here's what I found out" kind of thing.

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2 minutes ago, FlipFloppy said:

I was the presenter of a presentation during a conference call. I was obviously doing the work given I was the one hosting the presentation. 

I get that . But you are crying over questioning and needing to have your camera on at other times . This is work. 

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15 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

I get that . But you are crying over questioning and needing to have your camera on at other times . This is work. 

Lol. I wasn’t crying over having my camera. You’re not getting the point of this thread. 

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19 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

I would have apologized and said it won't happen again. As a manager I would not want to hear that you don't like the camera "for personal reasons" or that you don't see why it's necessary. That is not a valid excuse. If being on camera is required then it's up to you to comply. 

I just got called back into working in the office. My job duties don't require in person interaction but I comply with the mandate because it what's required. I don't get to get out of it "for personal reasons".

Also, crying in front of your manager isn't professional. It would be a good idea if you can rein that in.

If you can afford to be unemployed over this very small issue then I guess go ahead and quit. But you're going to run into things you disagree with or are unpleasant at any job.

Also, consider getting professional help if being on camera is traumatizing enough that you're willing to leave a good job over it. 

I have anxiety so it's not like I don't get it. But it's important to remain professional at all times. 

I did apologize and said it won’t happen again. She said she didn’t want an apology. There’s no much I can do.

Regarding the crying - this is the first time in 8 years of experience! This has never happened to me before! I don’t even cry in my personal life. We’re all human, it’s not something you can’t control. 
 

It’s not about the camera being traumatizing. I have a skin condition and my face flares up at unexpected times. Sometimes, it’s so bad, I can’t put my camera on and don’t want to expose people to that. She’s seen me in the office with a bandaid on my face etc. This is the person reason why in my opinion is not her business. 

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I see you posted this on at least one other forum and everyone there said your manager is jealous of you, which you seemed to agree with. Apparently you've also had a rough time in the past with this same company. By chance are you the one who moved to a new team and your previous supervisor is still trying to get you to do work for his department?

Anyway, if you don't have special permission to be off camera when everyone else is on, you can go to HR and request special permission.

As for being human related to crying, I am also human! And I don't cry at work. It's unprofessional.

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You need to have your camera on. And to check it before every meeting as well as stuff like microphone. Especially because you had a presentation for like 70 people. If something is not right with your camera or mic, or program you use, you notify the technical department. Its always a good idea to check beforehand. That should also be your answer for the supervisor. "My camera was on but if from some reason it seemed off to you, will notify the technical department and check to see what was wrong". 

Same with "Why was it off on other meetings?". "I sometimes turn it off because of skin condition, if it bothers you, sorry, will put it on from now on". 

You cant cry on your workplace and with your supervisor. If she is doing it to make you feel bad, she fullfilled her mission. If she just wanted to tell you about some flaws she noticed, you just were unprofessional. Either way, you lost. 

If you are miserable at work, change work. If you have a mental health issues, get the therapist. What you dont do is act the way you are. No matter if your supervisor is bad to you, or just working conditions in general, you dont act like you did. You need to take responsability for that and find a solution for the future.

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I have had some horrendous mangers, bosses, colleagues and employees over the years. I actually got told by a manager, they were disappointed that I took the day off when my grandmother died.  Mind you, I had perfect attendance prior and was using my vacation time. Sometimes you have to consider the source.

People, managers included, do not always handle things well. They can be wrong and because of their own beliefs or character, they don't know how to show humility without appearing weak.  But it's also not your job to teach them.  they are them.

The best thing you can do is separate your feelings from the work and go through the motions to produce the results the company wants. 

That's what they pay for, but its not one sided. You can decide if the pay and benefits are worth the effort.

If you can afford to quit, do it.  why be miserable?

I'm a firm believer in:

If you don't like your situation? work to change it. the world is full of people, places and things.  put your focus on what works for you. 

If you stay, I would take some notes to document what's happening and keep an eye on this situation.  

Depending on what kind of software being used and the number of people on the call, the video may flip around when people are speaking. You may not be able to be on video while sharing the screen.  I'd probably try to find out the deal with that. 

But I probably would not report back to the manager, unless it comes up again.  Learn to take criticism and adjust. Some may not agree with this but unless there's an on going problem, try to defuse conflicts in the work place.  rise above things.  its not worth the stress you are creating for yourself. 

The boss says jump. you say, will do. thank you. Save your energy for your personal life and moving on from this. 

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First off, for your own head, I'd take this weekend time to reduce your internal anxiety from a mountain to a molehill. That's all this really is--but I get that that's easy for someone else to say.

Combinations of various meeting apps with various networks can have certain limitations--for ALL of us. This is not a 'thing' for you to manage, but rather to report.

Where I've been questioned about why my audio cuts in and out, I've learned that quitting my camera amplifies my voice. So where screen sharing limits require you to ditch the face camera for continuity, you'll be happy to cc this manager on all conversations regarding your IT ticket request for tests and repairs of your capacity.

Bottom line, if you accept technical issues as a personal reflection on you, you'll only encourage others to treat them that way. Skip that. Instead, offer to post a video of the presentation to all subscribers who may have missed any words within it, and meanwhile, you'll keep your boss apprised of the progress of your IT job ticket to fix your lack of video capacity.

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My last post sounded harsh, but I want to let you know, I've been in your position, and I've cried at work, etc., and it's never worked out well for me.

So take my words from many years of experience, not as a harsh judgment.

I had a pretty big screw up at work just last week.  It's a long story, and it truly wasn't all my fault.  But I played out the "Not my fault" scenarios, and they just never end well.  

Instead, I took full ownership, and I even made an in-person visit to smooth things over.  In the end, the other party ended up apologizing to me, and realized that they had fault in it too, and we both laughed as I ensured them I'd triple check next time.

So I'm not speaking to you from some high horse.  I'm speaking to you as someone who has been with my company going on 20 years, who still makes mistakes.  It's how we handle them that matters.

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If your manager had gone back and looked at your presentation recording, would she have seen that you were actually off camera the whole time or a good large amount of the time??

I do understand her position tho. If you're doing presentations, people need to see your face so they can see if you're actually moving your lips just incase they have audio issues or you are still muted, especially when no one is talking.

I give people a heads up before the meeting that if I turn off my camera, it's because I have connectivity issues. People are visual creatures so I realized that once you tell them this, they totally understand. Technology is great but it's also not.

Others already pointed out this to you but how you came across to your manager's critique was very defensive and victimized. No managers want this especially if you don't want to burn your bridge. Believe me, crying to your manager is not going to make them apologize so don't ever expect an apology after crying at work. I tried it once when I was young and now I look back, I cringe. Because even if that moment you felt misunderstood and you felt wronged, the best way to get her off your back was to say "Geez I thought I had my camera on. If someone had told me before, I would have absolutely checked on my end to make sure it was on. I was not aware but now that I am, I'm going to go back and check the recording and my equipment. I'll follow-up with you on what I find."

Therefore it sounds like you and your boss is on the same page and you're not being defensive or Uber-sensitive and she's not being a bully because no boss wants to be a bully (even if they are).

Also if you are thinking about reporting her to HR, please save yourself some time and just find another job and then quit if you get another job. What I've learned from my experience in the corporate world and any job actually is that HR is not there for staff. They are there just to protect the company and will find ways and loopholes to do so after complaints are lodged.

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On 5/12/2023 at 7:34 PM, FlipFloppy said:

she wants to know why my camera is occasionally off (during weekly team meetings with roughly 100 people on and where I’m not a speaker!) I said it’s for personal reasons and I shouldn’t give such justification

What is company policy about keeping the camera on during meetings? 

On 5/12/2023 at 7:34 PM, FlipFloppy said:

I apologize, say it was an oversight (even though I 100% had my camera on and maybe turned it off for a second to drink water)

I am confused. Was it an oversight, or an actual error in the software? 

On 5/12/2023 at 7:34 PM, FlipFloppy said:

the following day, I log in, no trace of her asking me even as much as an ‘are you OK’. Nothing. I got an email asking for a deck, nothing else

I get why you were upset by the call with her, but I think your expectation that she would check in later is rather unrealistic. It's up to you to manage your emotions in a case like this.

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