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My long distance girlfriend doesn't know if she loves me romantically


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We just reached a year point in our relationship, and my girlfriend revealed that for the past few months she's not been happy and then she isn't sure if she loves me in a way more than a friend. We were best friends online for 4 years before we got together, and when I asked her out a year and a half ago she said no because she had been diagnosed with a mental health problem and was on heavy anti-psychotics and anti-depressants which basically flatlined her emotions so she didn't know how she felt. I stopped talking to her after that so that I could try and get over my feelings for her as I had them through the whole friendship. She came back into my life a few months later saying that she missed me and wanted to try and be friends again, and I was willing to give it a go. She then wanted to come see me and we ended up sharing extremely romantic moments on the beech cooking hot dogs over a fire with some of my friends and decided to start dating.
 

Since then I've been extremely happy and it's felt like she's the one for me and she had seemed to feel the same, at least up to the six month point (the last time we were together in person) and I've been desperate to see her for the last 6 months but she's been super busy with education and family matters. Then yesterday she revealed she isn't sure and that she wasn't sure in the first place but she thought shed give it a go for me as she didn't want to lose me and I'd been there for her when her life fell apart before we dated. We're both scared that she only loves me as a friend, as she doesn't know if the romance is there.

We've agreed that in a couple weeks she will come stay with me for a few days and we can see how it goes to determine how she feels, as she came off all of her medication since the last time we were together, which either way we will need to see eachother either to fix things or get closure.

I just want to get some advice and see if maybe anyone else has experienced something similar, as I feel like she's my soul mate as I've loved her for 5-6 years and I honestly have never loved anyone else, not even my family or friends and I don't know what to do without her. I'm hoping that it's just the distance causing all this and we can figure out a way to make it work but my brain is preparing me for the worst case and it feels horrible as it's so out of the blue. We've had problems in the past such as making more time for eachother and being more open with eachother, which we have settled very effectively as we're really good at talking things through and working together.

But yeah, any input would be extremely welcome as she's the biggest part of my life and I can't imagine having to talk to anyone I know about this, thankyou.

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I think you're assuming that feelings are facts.  It's ok to feel in love/like someone is the one but here the facts are she doesn't feel the same way, you've mostly been involved through online interactions so you likely put her on a pedestal/created some idealized version of her that's not truly who she is, and remember it's safer to "love" from a distance and online than in real life.

This all is a sign that you do want a partner.  Consider meeting people locally when you're ready and recognizing that in person relationships might not be as thrilling as being in love with what mostly is a fantasy but are far more fulfilling.  And choose someone who is mentally stable -being in a relationship is hard enough without someone telling you they "don't know" how they feel because they are on heavy medication -that may very well be true - just like you wouldn't expect someone to respond to you saying "I love you so much" if they're under sedation, right?

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21 minutes ago, Lespaulman2001 said:

she had been diagnosed with a mental health problem and was on heavy anti-psychotics and anti-depressants which basically flatlined her emotions so she didn't know how she felt.

I take it this hasnt been resolved in full?

You chose long-distance, probably most thoughest form of dating as you generally dont date but mostly just message and hear from each other. Basically a fantasy. On top of that your girlfriend has(or had) severe mental health issues and by her own admission was just there because she was afraid of losing you as a friend. Ofcourse there is no emotions there, she didnt started this by genuinly romantically caring for you. She started it by wanting somebody there to be for her and her mental health issues. That is why she came back after few weeks, not because she genuinlly likes you.

Why are you torturing yourself in this way? Not only you chose long-distance, you chose long-distance with a partner with severe mental health issues who doesnt like you romantically. Even without actually knowing how your few days together will go, I can confidently say that it wont end good for you. Not because I am some prophet but because its not really hard to predict given that she didnt even wanted to see you or try in 6 months and that she literally told you how she felt. Heck, if I have to guess, you seeing each other for a few days is your idea. Because its you who harbors romantic feelings there, not her. And you who is wanting to fix something where there is no fix. 

Its a torture for yourself. And for what? For somebody who holded you there because you were there for her mental health? And not because she likes you as a boyfriend? You deserve better then that. You can find somebody who likes you because of yourself, not because you play "a shrink" for them and their mental health issues. You can do better then that and she is not some "soul mate". As she just doesnt like you in that way. 

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1 hour ago, Lespaulman2001 said:

We've agreed that in a couple weeks she will come stay with me for a few days and we can see how it goes to determine how she feels, as she came off all of her medication since the last time we were together, which either way we will need to see eachother either to fix things or get closure.

 

Sorry this is happening. Have you only been together one time? Yes be prepared for any outcome when she visits. How far apart are you? How old is she?

Keep in mind that discontinuing her psychiatric medication is a huge red flag and seems to be when she started having mood swings again.

Although you feel attached, how viable is an in-person relationship? 

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You're setting yourself up for a world of pain.  She's not sure if she loves you romantically means she doesn't love you romantically.  However, she's willing to be your friend.  I don't think it would be healthy for you to revert to friendship.  You'll be going backwards. 

She has a lot of mental problems.  Why would you want to be with an unstable person?  She'll only drag you down and your love for her is one way from you to her yet she's not willing to love you back. 

It doesn't sound like this will work.  You decide if you want this fragile association with her or if breaking up is better.  This relationship is floundering and going nowhere but downhill.  Remain realistic.

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