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Territorial versus Ridiculous: long, but I'd love some imput


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Hey all, I first off have to say that my relationship, the one with the guy I was so scared to let into my life is WONDERFUL. I love him so much, he loves me, and we're just...yeah. (And yes the honeymoon period is done, we've had little disagreements and spats and whathaveyou)

 

My question is, we both love each other and feel that we've found someone very special in each other. I hate to think about some other girl swooping in and taking him away from me, and he has confessed he has thought about what if some guy came along and wooed me and took me. He's very sensible about it all: his theory is that another person is not usually the cheif reason someone leaves another person. The cheif reason is that said person is unhappy to begin with, and this person coming along represents the person's unhappieness. He, my guy, was with his ex for 2 years and was happy. He never entertained thoughts of leaving her for other women, even though he knew some great ladies and all. She, however was a cheater, and not happy and as a result left him.

 

Ok, here's the meat of this: I sometimes wonder if I am more territorial than he. That is, I know he would stand his ground, and has in the face of guys who are kinda hitting on me. It's not a "I'll beat the snot out of you!" type of territoralness, more of a quiet taking my hand or quick peck on the lips type. Me, on the other hand: here's a story. We were out for coffee one morning and this girl was at the place. We walked in, and I noticed her look up from her book and as we were looking at the bulliten board she was looking at us and had this smile on her face. As we rounded the corner I said "gosh, she was either giving you the eye or me" so he tested: he went back to the board for about 30 seconds and came back to me and was like "yup she was definitley looking at me!" later she was getting more coffee, and I noticed she took a long time with it. All the while she was giving my guy a sweet little innocent smile and looking him all over. She did it again as we were leaving. I was FURIOUS! I don't get mad too easily but holy smokes. I was just fuming! Who did she think she was to give MY boyfriend the eye when I was right there! I know we're not in a Betty Crocker world where a girl will see a guy with his girlfriend and think "oh well!" I know girls who see that and think..."Oh well! I want what I want and I'm gonna get it!"

 

There have been other little things too, his friend's now ex girlfriend who hardly knows him at all calling him because she's so distraught about being the ex. I can understand being sad and wanting someone to talk to about it...and my boyfriend certainly is easy to talk to...but I can't help but feel (amidst sympathy) "why the heck is she calling my boyfriend, who she hardly knows at ALL!"

 

I know it really boils down to trust. I do trust my boyfriend and I know he's loyal. He told me he'd never break up with me unless it was something we both wanted. He's very mature compaired to the boyfriend's I've had. We have something special. I just want to protect it is all...I know he feels the same. What do you all think in regards to this or you own?

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It really doesn't seem like you have anything to worry about. The feelings you have about the issues seem to be pretty regular. Its fine to feel that way, its how you act on your feelings that could be a problem. As long as your honest with him and how you feel, will there really be a problem in the future?

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I think jealousy is normal - to a degree. Honestly anyone who says that jealousy is always bad or you should not feel that way - well I doubt they really know what love can sometimes make you feel. If my partner said he was NEVER jealous, I would feel a bit unsure of his feelings...I don't try and make him jealous of course, but there are situations he may feel that way.

 

Of course you will feel territorial when you love someone - you want to protect them AND your relationship, it is how you act on it that matters. Obviously you trust him from your post, so I think that you need to accept that your "protective" feelings are normal and just deal with them appropriately. Even laugh about it, tell him in a lighthearted manner that you were a bit jealous of that girl making eyes at you, and wish you were the one who was standing there making him your eye candy!

 

If you trust him, don't allow this jealousy to destroy that trust when it seems pretty unfounded...trust your guy is a great one, others WILL want to look/talk to him but his heart lies with you!

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