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I'm so in love...but she's taken! What can I do?

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What can you do if the person that you love is with someone else? I don't want to disrespect her relationship or try to break them up, but I still feel the need to let her know how I feel...and I just love to be around her, just to talk to her! Even if it's just to ask some stupid question which is the first thing I can think of when I see her.


a little bit of backstory?

I work with her. Not closely but in the same building, almost on opposite sides, but we run into eachother every now and then. I've had a crush on her since the first day I saw her when I started working with her 2 years ago! I only just came out just under one year ago though and when I first told her how I felt, it was awkward for me and I was nervous because I was in new territory (accepting that I'm gay, flirting with girls openly, etc...). She used to talk to me on the phone and stuff, and she used to flirt with me but I was too nervous at the time to flirt back! I can't tell you how much I wish I had though because she is beyond cute. Anyway, when I finally got up the balls (so to speak) to ask her out, which was quite a while....I found out she, at some point, got a g/f!

I quickly backed off at that point...because I didn't want to appear as if I was trying to make moves on her when she's taken, and because I didn't know what to do next...


Well, it's been like...5 or 6 months maybe since that happened. I'm much more comfortable with myself in understanding my sexuality since then. She's still with the same girl and I keep telling myself to just get over her and move on but everytime I see her my heart jumps and my brain goes dead and the girl who is known for making everyone laugh and being the pinnacle of parties can only glance at her, blush, and ask exceedingly stupid and irrelevant questions. gah! I try to forget about her and date somebody else but I just can't keep from thinking about her...and what's worse? I know she liked me too...at least back then, but I took so long to ask her out or make any kind of real move that I was pre-empted!! ARRG!


Whats wrong with me??


on an evil little side note: I've heard from one source that their relationship is not going so great lately....


on another side note: She's a taurus, if that helps any...and I'm a Scorpio


What can I do?

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Yeah, I know how annoying it can be to be in love with someone who is dating someone else! It can be hard to try to respect their relationship, esp. when you want them for yourself. I think right now you should just enjoy the sexual tension (take it out on someone else, if you have to) and let her relationship progress because from what you said you heard, things aren't going very well. She is probably still young and may be experimenting with her sexuality, as well, so there's a high probability that they may break up.


Just flirt with her a little here and there when you see her. There's no harm in that. I wouldn't really try to become close with her now since she is with someone else. When and if you get the chance with her, you don't want to be the cause of the break-up or the rebound girl. So, the best thing you can do is let her relationship with that other girl run its course!


I'm crossing my fingers for you.

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Just flirt with her a little here and there when you see her. There's no harm in that.



I couldn't disagree with you more. How'd you feel if you had a BF, and he had some girl flirting with him despite the fact she knew he was with you? Would you be ok with him just flirting back? Maybe. If it was just flirting. But you know what? Flirting leads to more. Which is exactly the point and what you're hoping to happen to the original poster.


If the woman the poster is interested in has any sense of loyalty to her current partner, flirting with her is probably the surest way of turning her off. If some girl flirted with me constantly despite knowing I had a GF, I'd think she was a total ***** and lose any interest I might have had in her.


I completely agree with brando. There is nothing dizymeg can do. It sucks, but all she can do is deal with it. If she's lucky, the girl she's interested in will break up with her partner on her own, and dizymeg will have a chance. Telling the woman how she feels about her would be a bad idea too.

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If you're a scorpio, you're gonna have to stand back and wait. That's what scorps are known for afterall! If she's a taurus then she will value passion, comfort and security highly.


Taureans tend to stick to relationships through thick and thin, but astrology aside, my opinion is you need to stick this out. If things aren't going that well you need to stand aside, be patient and be a friend to her. If you try to rush her you are likely to push her closer to the current girlfriend or suffer being the rebound. You really want somebody with a clean slate and this will entail her resolving the relationship in her own time.


If you really want her you will wait, but i would put a time limit on it. If you absolutely can not wait any longer then tell her how you feel, but only tell her if you feel you have nothing to lose.


Good luck

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I realize that whole flirting-leads-to-other-things thing. but see....we flirt anyway most times. Yes, I said WE. She usually starts it. It just...happens naturally. Nothing big or anything just a bit of flirty-ness. And while I can see your point, some_guy282, I disagree with your implication that flirting always leads to other things and is some kind of an evil disrespectful homewrecker activity. A LITTLE bit of flirting never hurt anyone. Anyone mature enough to handle it, anyway. I have always flirted and been flirted with for as long as I can remember, whether I've been with somebody or not. I thought it was sweet, not evil. Unless they were obviously trying to get in my pants or break up my relationship or something, but then I think thats different. And I was always fine with whomever I was with being flirted with as well, just as long as it didn't go beyond that, but then again that was up to him or her, not the flirting. I always thought it was kindof sexy to have people flirt with my somebody, because they are going home with me not them, plus I think it gives them confidence to know that they are a hot commodity


Bally's: well. she's my age but she's been out since she was like 18, and dated strictly girls since like 14 or 15, so nope, she's not expiramenting...


Anyway, I was afraid y'all might say there was nothing I could do. But hey, a girl can dream! and pray! and...hope.

but I definitely don't want to be the reason for any breakup, or a rebound girl so...



I guess all I can do is wait....



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I couldn't disagree with you more. How'd you feel if you had a BF, and he had some girl flirting with him despite the fact she knew he was with you? Would you be ok with him just flirting back?


some guy, first of all, you didn't totally disagree with me because in my post I clearly stated that dizzymeg should not attempt to break up or come between the woman she's interested in. I encourage you to read or re-read my whole response, instead of choosing one line in my post to say that you completely disagree.


Secondly, I would never have a problem if I had a BF and he had some girl flirting with him because I am a lesbian and I prefer relationships with women. So if I did have a boy friend that's all it would be.


Maybe if I had a girlfriend that would be different. Of course I wouldn't like someone to flirt with my GF while I was there, but knowing she was coming home with me and not this other person would make me really turned on and we would probably have hot, passionate sex the minute we got home or in the car, if we couldn't wait!


Back to Dizzymeg, just be friends with her, but don't get too close, in case you get your heart stomped on. Let her relationship runs it's course like I stated in my first post!!!

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I just can't think of flirting with someone who already has a partner as completely harmless. I've seen so many posts on this site from people that have problems which began with flirting. Many infidelity posts. It all starts the same. "We just started flirting at first..." One thing leads to another, the next thing you know they're shacking up in bed together and someone has cheated on their partner. Another aspect to consider is the fact that you work with this woman. Sure, she isn't right accross from you or anything, but flirting could lead to problems in the work place as well. I'm remember a post from a young guy who had an older married woman flirt with him. He didn't exactly reciprocate because it made him uncomfortable, and now she hates his guts. She's in the cubicle literally right accross from him.


I have to admit I don't have too much experience with flirting. I don't go out to clubs or partys or anything like that. But as far as I'm concerned, flirting is a sometimes not so subtle way of telling someone else "I want you." That's all well and good if you're both single, but when one of you are already taken...?


Like I said before, if it were me and I had a girl flirting with me when she knew I had a GF, it would make me very uncomfortable and I wouldn't like it. But that's just me.

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