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Am I trippin’? Yeah, but why?


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I agree.  I also work on maintaining my own boundaries and not being overly available work-wise so that I give the impression I can be contacted 24/7.  I've always been an "at your service!" person but come to think about it pre-email we -kind of -knew that unless we checked work voicemail after hours the at your service was not typically 24/7.

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Just now, Batya33 said:

I agree.  I also work on maintaining my own boundaries and not being overly available work-wise so that I give the impression I can be contacted 24/7.  I've always been an "at your service!" person but come to think about it pre-email we -kind of -knew that unless we checked work voicemail after hours the at your service was not typically 24/7.

Exactly. 

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6 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Oh I think he should be neutral or silent -let teacher greet -do not disturb teacher and be polite and quiet about it.  Teacher's grumpiness might be because he is entering the room early when every minute of quiet time pre-class counts.  Totally understandable IMO and perhaps teacher thinks it's obvious.  OP should always be of the mindset that in this situation he has far more to lose if teacher doesn't like interacting with him.

@jul-els Just say a quick, tepid, "Good morning," be civil and be done with it.  This applies to anyone in life.  Follow their cue.  I'm this way with a lot of people.  If I sense,  they're not in the mood to express kindness,  I take a step back and allow them to carry the mood.  I don't have to agree with it but I just readjust and adapt.  I'm this way with people from all walks of life whether relatives, in-laws, neighbors, colleagues and the like. 

If you sense the instructor doesn't wish to be bothered, then quietly sit, read or whatever until class begins.  Be unobtrusive.  It's quiet time for you and the instructor.  I've been in similar situations where each person is in their own world and it's fine.  If you know from experience that the instructor or other people are not the greeting type or due to their setting,  then don't greet.  I've known some instructors who were either gruff or actually preferred not to be spoken to.  This was how it was in some of my classes.  It was typical so no surprise there.  Always lower your expectations in people because this is how society is.  Grow accustomed to it. 

As for instructors, in my experience,  it was usually the instructors who initiated any greetings and if I knew they were doing something else,  I just sat down and didn't say anything as the rest of the class did the same as they trickled in one by one or en masse.  Then the instructor proceeded with the class.  None of us made a big deal out of who greeted or not.  We just went with the flow. 

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For people who don't like to greet or not in the mood to greet, sometimes I'll just give a quick wave 🖐️  and if they wave back, nice and if they don't, oh well. 🙄  No words exchanged and then everyone goes about their own business.  At least I did my part by being cordial and done with it. 

 

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18 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

For people who don't like to greet or not in the mood to greet, sometimes I'll just give a quick wave 🖐️  and if they wave back, nice and if they don't, oh well. 🙄  No words exchanged and then everyone goes about their own business.  At least I did my part by being cordial and done with it. 

 

I think the teacher is being perfectly cordial and I disagree with any painting this teacher in a negative light.  If he saw the teacher outside of class and waved and got a rude response I'd agree. There's no reason for someone to enter a classroom early when the teacher is there working let alone expect to exchange greetings at that moment.

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17 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think the teacher is being perfectly cordial and I disagree with any painting this teacher in a negative light.  If he saw the teacher outside of class and waved and got a rude response I'd agree. There's no reason for someone to enter a classroom early when the teacher is there working let alone expect to exchange greetings at that moment.

All I've said was there are different avenues to take whether a quick, tepid "Good Morning,"  a wave or in some cases,  if the instructor prefers students to simply sit and ignore them, then follow their cue.  Whatever works.  In my classes, not everyone greeted the instructor but they acted natural when called for during other times of the class or course work.  No harm no foul.  If the instructor allows students to sit and read while they're beginning their day and quiet is preferred,  then be quiet.  If they give you a  terse response,  it's not a big deal.  A lot of people are this way so there is no shock factor. 

I remember when my teacher was eating the last of his lunch and some students habitually arrived a few minutes early.  We sat and quietly read or did our own thing quietly.  If he happened to glance, it was a quick "hello" or wave.  No one bothered each other.  He was known to be gruff but none of us thought much of it and he even went so far as to offer me dessert which his wife made for him one day!  It was good, too!  Just act natural.  @jul-els Lower your expectations of others and nothing will be of significance.  If people are nice, accept it or be surprised.  If they're cool, then you be cool. 

If the instructor was strict about not wanting students to arrive a bit earlier, the instructor would've locked the door until they were ready to open it.  This guarantees "do not disturb" while they want to be alone for a bit as they prepare for their day.  Many of my instructors did this and it was fine.  Same with my sons' instructors. 

Whether it's early or not, not everyone will give you the type of demeanor you hope for so lower your expectations because this is the way of the world.  Grow accustomed to it.

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15 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Sure.  I think she's being perfectly nice.  He might reconsider whether it's nice to come in early and engage with her. I don't think it's gruff to have a reasonable boundary which the teacher does IMO.

Moods are moods.  Just deal with it as if it's not a big deal.  I agree with boundaries.  Don't take distractions personally.  At the same time,  lower your expectations of others and proceed, keep moving forward.  It's not worth wondering what other people's responses were or what their moods were. 

So what if he's unenthusiastic, doesn't make eye contact, is tone is the voice of dread and unwelcoming?  Does it really matter?  He's not your friend so treat him as such.  Just be polite and that's it. 

That would be my advice @jul-els.

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Just now, Cherylyn said:

Moods are moods.  Just deal with it as if it's not a big deal.  I agree with boundaries.  Don't take distractions personally.  At the same time,  lower your expectations of others and proceed, keep moving forward.  It's not worth wondering what other people's responses were or what their moods were. 

So what if he's unenthusiastic, doesn't make eye contact, is tone is the voice of dream and unwelcoming?  Does it really matter?  He's not your friend so treat him as such.  Just be polite and that's it. 

That would be my advice @jul-els.

Yes, be polite.  I wouldn't assume the teacher is in a bad mood or any mood.  The student is intruding on the teacher's prep time.  The teacher is reacting by continuing to prep/work or contemplate his navel in advance of class time.  As the teacher is entitled to do.  It's unfair IMO to attach some negative mood to the teacher.  Teacher might be in a perfectly fine mood and choose to be in his zone, have his own time as he is entitled to do in the classroom before class starts. Totally fine if you want to keep posting, I've shared all I care to.

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2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Yes, be polite.  I wouldn't assume the teacher is in a bad mood or any mood.  The student is intruding on the teacher's prep time.  The teacher is reacting by continuing to prep/work or contemplate his navel in advance of class time.  As the teacher is entitled to do.  It's unfair IMO to attach some negative mood to the teacher.  Teacher might be in a perfectly fine mood and choose to be in his zone, have his own time as he is entitled to do in the classroom before class starts. Totally fine if you want to keep posting, I've shared all I care to.

Moods are moods no matter what it is.  It's the vibe which is caused by distraction,  concentration,  "don't break my focus," seriousness,  not cheerful because of it, it runs the gamut.  People have moods dependent on what they're doing at the time just like the next person.  Not everyone is socially super happy and amiable 100% of the time.  People are tired,  overworked,  cranky,  somber,  calm or hyper,  content but don't always show it, again, moods vary according to what you're doing and time of day.  Totally fine if anyone wants to post.  🙂  Politeness is fine, OP @jul-els

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Various moods are reflective of whether a person had a good night's sleep or not.  (Other reasons could be troubles of their own which runs the gamut.)  I know my "Good Morning" or any greetings are terse and down to simply "Morning" without eye contact!  It takes me a while before I'm ready to be amiable.  My brain and body need to grow acclimated to the day.  Perhaps your instructor is this way.  Not everyone is perky and in a sunshiny mood first thing in the morning or anytime of the day for that matter.   

I would do the perfunctory greeting for civility's sake and no more.  Then sit down and quietly read as both of you prepare for the class. 

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8 hours ago, Lambert said:

I'd probably stop saying good morning.  let him engage first.  

Yes, I agree @Lambert.  ^  ^  ^  ^  ^  ^  ^  ^  That was my earlier suggestion.  This is what I meant when referring to moods.  If I know someone is concentrating or not in the mood to be cordial,  I read them and leave them alone because this is the vibe they're giving.  I perceive the situation and operate accordingly.  If they're in the mood to greet,  I greet and if not,  I don't bother them,  period. 

There are some colleagues who are this way.  They don't even want to say, "Good Morning" in the hallway so what I do is what they do.  I emulate them exactly.  If they're just merely looking at me,  I look at them the same way they look at me.  There is awkward silence,  until THEY say, "Good Morning" to me and I respond with the same morning greeting.  It's funny how that works.  😉 

Know people's personalities and moods and learn to adapt along the way.  They'll either come around on their terms or you do your own thing without expending an ounce of energy.  No harm,  no foul. 

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2 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

There are some colleagues who are this way.  They don't even want to say, "Good Morning"

This really is the point.  And there's no reason to take it personally. Some people just like to be quiet in the morning.

It's weird (to me) that it's the instructor and in the class room. It seems pretty normal that the person leading the class is to be ready to at the door. But again- people are people.

ETA- But it's also a good lesson for when you are in your massage therapy practice... some people just want a massage. no niceties. So keep that in mind.  You're there to do a job and if you want repeat business, you want to learn to pick up on these queues and not force your style on them

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4 minutes ago, Lambert said:

This really is the point.  And there's no reason to take it personally. Some people just like to be quiet in the morning.

It's weird (to me) that it's the instructor and in the class room. It seems pretty normal that the person leading the class is to be ready to at the door. But again- people are people.

@Lambert is right.  Yes,  people are people.  Nothing ever surprises me anymore.  No more shock with everyday life. 

It always goes back to lowering your expectations in people so your feathers won't get ruffled so easily. 

In fact,  better yet,  always expect the very WORST in people and if they happen to behave pleasantly,  appreciate it but know it's not always going to be the norm when you expect it. 

Be right in the middle.  Even keel.  Not too high,  not too low.  Right in the center so you're flexible to go either way with others without any "oh how rude" factor. 

Feel numb and you will be A-OK.  😊  👍  I'm "blah."  I don't get overly excited either way and if anything,  I've grown to accept apathy and indifference because it's how a lot of people are.  No big deal.

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ZERO about lowering expectations or expecting people to be horrible. It is about respecting unspoken boundaries, period. I had a girl be nice today that doesn’t know me from a monkey’s behind. She could tell I was struggling today softly and quietly lent a hand. It left me touched to my heart. 

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I think expecting the worst from people is a sad way to go through life. This has never been my experience or the way I choose to live.

Being considerate of others is actually appreciated. I know I appreciate it when people are pleasant and considerate. If someone came at me expecting me to be a selfish inconsiderate jerk it wouldn't inspire me to be nice to them. Which would be a self fulfilling prophecy. 

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41 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

ZERO about lowering expectations or expecting people to be horrible. It is about respecting unspoken boundaries, period. I had a girl be nice today that doesn’t know me from a monkey’s behind. She could tell I was struggling today softly and quietly lent a hand. It left me touched to my heart. 

It's not about expecting people to be horrible.  It's about expecting people not to give you the type of behavior you expect at any given time so people won't surprise nor shock you.  Your feathers won't get ruffled so easily whenever people don't behave how you were raised,  how you taught your children to be towards others or if you're fortunate enough to be surrounded by loving immediate family and friends whom you're habitually accustomed to.  The public is NOT the same.  That's lowering your expectations. 

Sure, it was nice of you to lend a hand to the stranger @Seraphim .  You were touched and hopefully you touched a girl who was struggling.  It was very commendable of you.  Compassion is wonderful of you.

My point was whether anyone is cordial,  barely cordial, in their own zone,  rude whether intentional or not,  fraught with worries of all kinds,  distracted due to whatever they're doing or distracted / consumed / overwhelmed with their own troubles and angst (no brain space for YOU), relationship / friendship woes,  unhealthy,  unhealthy loved ones,  experiencing financial crisis, unhappily employed or unemployed, sleep deprived or fatigued, exhausted,  etc, don't expect the best in people either.  Be in the middle so you can adapt either way.  It's not a big deal. 

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10 hours ago, Lambert said:

ETA- But it's also a good lesson for when you are in your massage therapy practice... some people just want a massage. no niceties. So keep that in mind.  You're there to do a job and if you want repeat business, you want to learn to pick up on these queues and not force your style on them

Yes - and I wrote that above and thanks for putting it here and I liked how  you expressed it. One of my best friends as I mentioned above switched her career to massage therapy over 15 years ago.  She's extremely sensitive to her surroundings and extremely intuitive.  She does this every single time and has a huge following for years.  

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