Why would a man keep having casual sex with a woman who has treated him badly several times?

[Cher_C]

I have been having casual sex on and off with this guy since the summer. I have treated him badly on several different occasions and I have accused of him certain things I've crossed a lot of boundaries. I am aware of my behavior and I know the way that I have treated him is wrong. Hence the reason why I decided to go to therapy to work on my unresolved issues. We stopped talking in January and recently I called him and he asked to see me. He's a good looking guy, he makes good money and he's sweet. He can easily find another woman to have casual sex with. Women like men who have good paying jobs and who make decent money. I get that I'm available to him which is why he probably prefers to sleep with me. But still at some point the sex isn't worth all the drama. I guess I'm just trying to understand why he hasn't left me alone after everything I've done?

[Cherylyn]

He hasn't left you alone because to him,   you're cheaper than a prostitute.  ☹️

[Jaunty]

You're projecting a lot.  Many men can compartmentalize very well.  As you are probably aware, terrible looking drugged out streetwalkers can still get customers, and they even pay for it.  He knows you're available and down for sex with no kind of emotional or other connection, regardless of your nasty attitude. It's probably worthwhile to just get his itch scratched the easy way rather than bothering to look for someone else. 

[Batya33]

Since your arrangement with him involves only getting naked and letting him put his penis inside of you to get off you don’t know him. Perhaps he has low self esteem. Perhaps he’s unmotivated to put in the effort to find another sex partner and he figures you’re worth it despite your rudeness and obnoxiousness. No need to trouble yourself with the why as far as he goes. You’re fortunate you haven’t suffered the consequences. I mean surely he could share around how you behave and you know it’s a small world. 
great idea to get therapy to help you choose to treat people with basic respect and thoughtfulness.  I hope you find it helpful!

[Tinydance]

Well because it probably doesn't matter to him how you treated him because he can get no strings sex from you and he likes it. He probably does meet other women and when he finds someone he really likes, he'll just be with her instead. While he's single he probably doesn't mind just seeing you occasionally for sex. It's easier to just hit you up again then spend hours on Tinder trying to get someone else.

[Cher_C]

30 minutes ago, Tinydance said:

Well because it probably doesn't matter to him how you treated him because he can get no strings sex from you and he likes it. He probably does meet other women and when he finds someone he really likes, he'll just be with her instead. While he's single he probably doesn't mind just seeing you occasionally for sex. It's easier to just hit you up again then spend hours on Tinder trying to get someone else.

If he were having sex with other women he wouldn't keep having sex with me. Because he would have others and wouldn't have to put up with any drama. The way that he does with me. It wouldn't make sense for him to keep having sex with a woman who treats him poorly. When he has other women who are nice to him.

[Cher_C]

38 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Since your arrangement with him involves only getting naked and letting him put his penis inside of you to get off you don’t know him. Perhaps he has low self esteem. Perhaps he’s unmotivated to put in the effort to find another sex partner and he figures you’re worth it despite your rudeness and obnoxiousness. No need to trouble yourself with the why as far as he goes. You’re fortunate you haven’t suffered the consequences. I mean surely he could share around how you behave and you know it’s a small world. 
great idea to get therapy to help you choose to treat people with basic respect and thoughtfulness.  I hope you find it helpful!

So he basically he has no self-respect and no self-worth?

[Jaunty]

1 hour ago, Cher_C said:

If he were having sex with other women he wouldn't keep having sex with me. Because he would have others and wouldn't have to put up with any drama. The way that he does with me. It wouldn't make sense for him to keep having sex with a woman who treats him poorly. When he has other women who are nice to him.

What is your point with all of this?  I'm sensing that it's almost a source of pride for you that he still wants to have sex with you even when you act like a lowlife?  

I sure hope you have other ways to feel good about yourself.

And, you're wrong with your rationalization about other women.   Bottom line is, you are easy to have NSA sex with, and easy for him to ignore otherwise.  So it's a win/win until he meets someone he cares for.

[Cher_C]

10 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

What is your point with all of this?  I'm sensing that it's almost a source of pride for you that he still wants to have sex with you even when you act like a lowlife?  

I sure hope you have other ways to feel good about yourself.

And, you're wrong with your rationalization about other women.   Bottom line is, you are easy to have NSA sex with, and easy for him to ignore otherwise.  So it's a win/win until he meets someone he cares for.

When I act like a low-life? You obviously don't know what that is otherwise you wouldn't be calling me that. I said I know that I was wrong with how I treated him. Hence the reason why I decided to get help with my unresolved issues. Not sure why you feel the need to insult me? That says more about you  as a person though. 

I'm saying that even easy sex isn't worth all the drama I've put him through. And that he can easily find someone else to have NSA sex with. There are a million women in the world and a lot of them are ok with no strings attached sex. 

[catfeeder]

3 hours ago, Cher_C said:

I have treated him badly on several different occasions and I have accused of him certain things I've crossed a lot of boundaries. I am aware of my behavior and I know the way that I have treated him is wrong.

It's good that you've recognized this. How did he respond to the bad treatment at the time?

Quote

We stopped talking in January and recently I called him and he asked to see me.

What caused the stop in January, and who initiated the estrangement?

[Jaunty]

1 hour ago, Cher_C said:

When I act like a low-life? You obviously don't know what that is otherwise you wouldn't be calling me that.

A person who  intentionally and repeatedly treats another badly is acting like a low-life.  Do you disagree?  You might have the capacity to be a fine person but you are not behaving that way - and we are judged by our actions.

I understand that you're getting therapy but what I don't get is why you keep repeating this routine.  Why not just find a guy you don't feel like abusing to bang?  Or do you act like this with everyone?

1 hour ago, Cher_C said:

I'm saying that even easy sex isn't worth all the drama I've put him through. And that he can easily find someone else to have NSA sex with. There are a million women in the world and a lot of them are ok with no strings attached sex. 

That's a story you're telling yourself.   He already has you on board, why go to any extra work to get another woman he isn't interested in to have sex with when he can just tune you out and get his rocks off?  As someone already posted, when he meets someone he likes, you and your issues will be in the rear view mirror.

Anyway, the real question I would like to ask:  Why are YOU having sex with a man you feel like treating badly?  

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Cher_C said:

Im saying that even easy sex isn't worth all the drama I've put him through. 

What type of drama did you put him through?

Since it's casual, it may be easy  for him to have sex and just tune out the rest. Are you interested in a relationship with him?

[dias]

5 hours ago, Cher_C said:

So he basically he has no self-respect and no self-worth?

To a certain degree yes. He has low self-esteem even if it appears otherwise. Having sex with someone who treats you poorly is ok for guys (I would tolerate it for one time) but repeatedly coming back? I totally get it that you are available and he does not have to make any effort but still....Unless the sex is so freakin mind blowing that is worth it.

[MissCanuck]

7 hours ago, Cher_C said:

If he were having sex with other women he wouldn't keep having sex with me

Have you met men? 

[poorlittlefish]

You seem to enjoy being mean to him.  There are plenty of people of both sexes who stay in relationships with partners who treat them badly, but here there's no relationship, he's just getting free sex.  At some point he's going to meet someone decent and he'll drop you like a stone.

[Kwothe28]

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Why would a man keep having casual sex with a woman who has treated him badly several times?

Because sex? Have you met any men at all?

At the end of the day you still provide sex. And at the end of the day its still casual sex so its not like he is gona marry you.

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, Cher_C said:

If he were having sex with other women he wouldn't keep having sex with me. Because he would have others and wouldn't have to put up with any drama. The way that he does with me. It wouldn't make sense for him to keep having sex with a woman who treats him poorly. When he has other women who are nice to him.

Maybe it turns him on and then he can last longer with you.

[Batya33]

10 hours ago, Cher_C said:

So he basically he has no self-respect and no self-worth?

Basically it's that people move towards pleasure and away from pain. It pleases you to treat him badly, it pleases him to put his penis inside you and orgasm with little effort of prep/planning (and perhaps he is telling himself since you chased him for sex this time perhaps the risk of an STD is lower from intercourse with you) and is worth the downside of your drama nonsense. 

Question - since you have so little regard for him have you considered what it would be like to be pregnant with his child (obviously I don't think you're actively trying to conceive, I mean by accident despite using protection, if you are).  

[Coily]

Does he think you're hot? I could see a guy putting up with "crazy" for sex, until a real woman came along who he got more then his rocks off with.

[HeartGoesOn]

To answer your original question in the title of your thread. It's because no matter how you slice it...sex sells, and it's an easy sell at that.

They can be found for the price of a dime a dozen.

[lostandhurt]

Is this a trick question?

 He keeps having sex with you because he can.  He has no ties to you other than no strings attached sex where he doesn't have to feel guilty in the least because of your behavior. 

 Why does he keep coming back for more when he could get other women?  Because you are a known quantity.  Why waste time from his normal life to seek out another woman that is willing to be a F buddy and nothing more when he has you? 

You may be a drama queen, say mean things and can be difficult but to him that is just a small price to pay for sex.  One day he may finally have enough of all the drama but it is his choice so if you enjoy the setup don't rock the boat.

I have a feeling you ask because you want someone to tell you he has real feelings for you and that is why he keeps coming back.  If he ever did I am sure you quashed those with your treatment of him.

 I am glad you are seeing someone to help you figure out your issues, please stick with it as it can help immensely.

Lost

[Jaunty]

1 hour ago, lostandhurt said:

I have a feeling you ask because you want someone to tell you he has real feelings for you and that is why he keeps coming back.  If he ever did I am sure you quashed those with your treatment of him.

I have this impression as well.  

If this is the case it's very convoluted.  

I learned about PUA on a relationship forum many years ago - somehow it had bypassed me in real life.  I heard about a thing called "Sh*t testing."  Evidently the women who practice this do creepy behaviors towards men that they like.  If the guy "takes it," he is into her.  And a "win" for the creepy lady, because now she has a man wrapped around her finger who she can manipulate.  Of course according to PUA "wisdom" (😆) the guy has now outed himself as a "beta" and needs a lot more PUA training. 

OP, are you trying to test him to see if he will keep coming back for more sex in some kind of misguided hope that this is a signal of relationship potential?

It's not. 

[Cher_C]

15 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

What type of drama did you put him through?

Since it's casual, it may be easy  for him to have sex and just tune out the rest. Are you interested in a relationship with him?

I accused him of having sex with his best friend, I contacted his best friend and asked if they were in a relationship. I walked in his house announced and I've said bad things to him. I've called him a liar told him he wasn't attracted to me etc. 

[Cher_C]

12 hours ago, poorlittlefish said:

You seem to enjoy being mean to him.  There are plenty of people of both sexes who stay in relationships with partners who treat them badly, but here there's no relationship, he's just getting free sex.  At some point he's going to meet someone decent and he'll drop you like a stone.

Just because I have unresolved issues doesn't mean I'm not a decent person. If I weren't decent, I wouldn't even acknowledge that I've been mean to him. And wouldn't even care to apologize which I actually have. 

[Cher_C]

4 hours ago, Jaunty said:

I have this impression as well.  

If this is the case it's very convoluted.  

I learned about PUA on a relationship forum many years ago - somehow it had bypassed me in real life.  I heard about a thing called "Sh*t testing."  Evidently the women who practice this do creepy behaviors towards men that they like.  If the guy "takes it," he is into her.  And a "win" for the creepy lady, because now she has a man wrapped around her finger who she can manipulate.  Of course according to PUA "wisdom" (😆) the guy has now outed himself as a "beta" and needs a lot more PUA training. 

OP, are you trying to test him to see if he will keep coming back for more sex in some kind of misguided hope that this is a signal of relationship potential?

It's not. 

No, I just don't get why a person would put up with someone who has issues just because they are getting free sex. When they can easily find someone else. I wouldn't have sex with a man if he treated me the way that I've treated him I'd be done with him.