Need some serious adviced. Do you believe it can be fixed

[likeanonymus]

need advice, help.

Hi everyone. Im deep drowning n my thoughts so some random opinions may help. Im in a relationship for the past 4-5 years. (Both fem) i do love her to death and we ve helped each other on lots of stuff. Things werent easy for us. We also live together and we worked hard to reach this point since all we ve done we did it on our own.

BUT. I dont wanna mske this post a novel so i ll try to be short. There was a time when i hadto be the strong one. So when things started going well maybe i got too comfortable and let her be the strong one. Without me ever wanting to do sth bad ofc. A few months into this situation i lost a very xlose family person who really mattered tk me so i was grieving hard, leading me to even more "ignoring" my girl's needs. Im better now , but she js not. She feels so ignored, like shes been the strong one for so long, without me asking her what she wants or feels like. I really do feel bad about it like, i never meant to do that. She says she never imagined her life without me or ever thought that we could have a relationship crisis ever. But now we are

I get my responsibility and i do wanna try to fix it . She says she loves me to death but sometimes it's not enough. She doesn't wanna break up but shes not sure it can be fixed.

I really want to fix it. Wanna mske her like shes everytbing to me like she really is

DO YOU GUYS BELIEVE RELATIONSHIPS CAN BE FIXED

[Cherylyn]

I think it can be fixed.  Tell her that your grief over losing a close family member caused you to be so consumed with mourning that you ignored her which wasn't your intent.  Apologize for your behavior and tell her that you will try to be more mindful not to ignore her and be supportive.  Tell her you want to fix it.  Be very sincere and humble.  If she doesn't want to break up,  ask her if she'll give you a chance so both of you can heal. 

Don't make excuses.  Be kind and not defensive.  Hope it will work out for both of you. 

[SooSad33]

I agree with above.  Be honest about this & admit to your faults and that you DO want to work on fixing this.

If you were neglecting her, how can you change this now?  Do you two do date nights? Go out to somewhere nice or even spend some down time together watching some movies etc.

Because it is understandable for one to fade away for a while when dealing with stressful situations. Doesn't mean you don't still love her...

 

[likeanonymus]

Thank you for your time.. i do love her. And i did tell her that i want to try and prove her that its a false conclusion cause of my behavior. She doesn't seem to believe it can be fixed which i kinda find normal, i mean she is sad and disappointed and that's probably why she feels like its the disaster.

Me on the other hand, im not the kind of person who gives up easily .

I just don't want to have false hope.

[SooSad33]

11 minutes ago, likeanonymus said:

She doesn't seem to believe it can be fixed

Aww, that's sad 😞 . Sounds like she's to the point of giving up, as she's felt crappy for too long?

I agree, don't give up, but also don't lay it on too hard.  Respect if she rather sit in or be on her own a bit.  

If someone has pulled away or feels a certain way, we can try our best, but sadly, does not mean they'll change their minds ( so, one foot out the door).

May be too little too late to where she may not want to 'try' to make it work out now. ( I don't know, i'm not there, lol).

 

[likeanonymus]

She says she wants it to work but she doesn't feel like it can. Don't know how to explain this any better sorry.

 

She never ever said anything about it and to be honest she seemed really happy. It kinda happened overnight. She was out with some friends who are kinda a new couple, and all of that hit hard and thats kinds how she starred realising 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, likeanonymus said:

. She feels so ignored,  She says she loves me to death but sometimes it's not enough. 

Sorry this is happening. What "needs" were being ignored? Is it possible she's interested in someone? You stated it her feelings came on abruptly.

[likeanonymus]

We talked about cheating and everything's f2f. She said shes doing this talking w me because she doesnt want to end up doing somethign like that and "go seeking for sttention elsewhere"

I think every need every woman wants. She says she misses feeling desirable . And she misses being asked about what she wants like she doesn't matter to me(thats the part i disagree with but it doesnt matter since that's how shes feeling) 

Maybe i focused too much on myself after the loss of my person 

[smackie9]

Communication....Like push every off the table, and start with what her expectations are and also yours....doesn't have to be all at once...just small things, but it also has to come with some explanation...no more assuming, more communication. It will have to be done in baby steps, but eventually you will get there. If you can't do it on your own, go seek out couples counseling.  

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, likeanonymus said:

. She says she misses feeling desirable . And she misses being asked about what she wants 

Maybe i focused too much on myself after the loss of my person 

There's nothing wrong with a balanced relationship where both of you participate equally, instead of who's the "strong" one. It's also fine to grieve and be down for a while. Something else is up that she's not communicating about. 

She seems to be blaming you for the demise of the relationship without looking at her own contribution and whatever else is happening with her.

Instead of talking more. Step back and clear your mind. Reflect in peace. Give her space.