I'm worried we want different things in life

[sod98448]

32 minutes ago, Andrina said:

You never mentioned what financial contribution she's made to your union. Have you discussed if one of you will stay home with a child and for how long? If you plan on using child care at some point, have you looked into that cost?

Have you considered she might be trying to sabotage your relationship, having freaked out about now being married--maybe something she's now questioning?

I'm not guessing this is the case. Just putting out a possibility of what could be. I do know of one couple who married after seven years, just as you did. The woman said it got to the point where they'd dated so long, they were at the point of either going their separate ways or marrying. Right after marrying, he started on her about her smoking, and being nit-picky and saying things to upset her.

There should be discussions of what will happen if IVF doesn't work, to make sure you're on the same page of that major issue.

Good luck.

For the most of our relationship iv been the higher earner and still am if that's what you mean? She works hard though and we've always supported eachother financially. Our moneys shared theres no nit picking over who gets more. Simply put we dont care who earns more its ours. There was a period of time several years ago when I was made redundant and she was on less money at the time she supported us both on a very low income for several months prior to me finding the job I'm in now. Iv done the same for her on. Erm as for staying home with the child theres a few options. Financially it would make most sense for my Partner to take the first half of the maternity leave (26 weeks) which will pay very little and then for me to take the remaining 24 weeks as my employer will pay my full income for that period of time. If she wanted to stay on maternity for the full 50 weeks then that's fine just means income will be lower for a while. After that we would likely need some child care however; I work from home so theres some flexibility there and my Partner could potentially drop hours. Once the baby hits 3 we would be eligible for 30 hours child care per week. I also have a Good benefits package with my employer for family leave etc so there are options. It's part of the reason im so pent up about wanting to have as much money as possible because there will be times when our income takes a huge hit and we need to be prepared for that. 

As for whether shes sabotaging us... I dont think so? It's not really her style generally speaking were very up front with eachother but put a major issue in front of me and it's like my tongue gets glued to top of my mouth. But i could be wrong I guess. This is the first time weve hit a major hurdle like this. We are both a lot more relaxed than we have been in weeks after talking our stuff out last night and were going to talk some more tonight so will see how we go. 

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, sod98448 said:

For the most of our relationship iv been the higher earner and still am if that's what you mean? She works hard though and we've always supported eachother financially. Our moneys shared theres no nit picking over who gets more. Simply put we dont care who earns more its ours. There was a period of time several years ago when I was made redundant and she was on less money at the time she supported us both on a very low income for several months prior to me finding the job I'm in now. Iv done the same for her on. Erm as for staying home with the child theres a few options. Financially it would make most sense for my Partner to take the first half of the maternity leave (26 weeks) which will pay very little and then for me to take the remaining 24 weeks as my employer will pay my full income for that period of time. If she wanted to stay on maternity for the full 50 weeks then that's fine just means income will be lower for a while. After that we would likely need some child care however; I work from home so theres some flexibility there and my Partner could potentially drop hours. Once the baby hits 3 we would be eligible for 30 hours child care per week. I also have a Good benefits package with my employer for family leave etc so there are options. It's part of the reason im so pent up about wanting to have as much money as possible because there will be times when our income takes a huge hit and we need to be prepared for that. 

As for whether shes sabotaging us... I dont think so? It's not really her style generally speaking were very up front with eachother but put a major issue in front of me and it's like my tongue gets glued to top of my mouth. But i could be wrong I guess. This is the first time weve hit a major hurdle like this. We are both a lot more relaxed than we have been in weeks after talking our stuff out last night and were going to talk some more tonight so will see how we go. 

Good luck!! Wow I love outside US maternity leave lol.  A year right? I knew I was staying home for years so it wasn't an issue and I rarely stayed in one place or at home so it wasn't an apt acronym lol.  I had 12 weeks paid which was more than some employers plus some left over vacay time -like 2 weeks.  I stopped working 2 weeks pre due date.  Gave birth 9 days later.  Husband had opportunity for maybe 2 weeks paternity leave?

[sod98448]

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Good luck!! Wow I love outside US maternity leave lol.  A year right? I knew I was staying home for years so it wasn't an issue and I rarely stayed in one place or at home so it wasn't an apt acronym lol.  I had 12 weeks paid which was more than some employers plus some left over vacay time -like 2 weeks.  I stopped working 2 weeks pre due date.  Gave birth 9 days later.  Husband had opportunity for maybe 2 weeks paternity leave?

Oh so in the UK as standard if you have been working and your employer doesnt provide a maternity package then a standard amount will be paid for 39 weeks and 14 weeks unpaid. My employer provides fill pay maternity leave for a year but I wouldn't be the one having the baby so what we can do is 2 different options. Up to 4 weeks paternity is one option and the other more financially sound option is called split parental leave. So if my partner only took 2 weeks maternity then returned to work I could take the rest (48 weeks) through my work on full pay.. I have no intention of sending my partner to work 2 weeks after giving birth. My thought was she takes 26 weeks on maternity allowance I take the flowing 24 weeks on full salary but that's something that really is up to her and how she feels about it. I have no intention of pushing her back to work before the year us up the choice is hers 🙂