should i follow my heart or not?

[gazlowe]

In August 2022, my girlfriend ended our relationship, but we continued to communicate and see each other frequently until December. However, from January until now, we have not been in contact or seen each other. Recently, I have been feeling a strong desire to reconnect with her. I miss her very much.

should I or not?

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, gazlowe said:

, but we continued to communicate and see each other frequently until December. 

How long were you together? What was the breakup about? Did those issues resolve?  Were you ok with just being friends?

Are either of you seeing other people? Has she contacted you or expressed interest in reconciliation?

You could reach out but it could be disappointing if she's moved on.

[gazlowe]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long were you together? What was the breakup about? Did those issues resolve?  Were you ok with just being friends?

Are either of you seeing other people? Has she contacted you or expressed interest in reconciliation?

You could reach out but it could be disappointing if she's moved on.

How long were you together? 1 year

What was the breakup about? I asked  What happened to us?

she said: 

What happened is what should happen. You’re not someone who can push me build to build me and I am not someone who Will accept u as you want. I am understanding but not accepting. I’m sorry about that but I am not apologizing for the unaccepting me. I deserve better than what the world would offer and I will not wait for anyone to give that to me so if I have to let go of people to see the best in me I will.

Did those issues resolve? I actually dont know, I mean these are easy to resolve

Were you ok with just being friends? i dont know

Are either of you seeing other people? no

Has she contacted you or expressed interest in reconciliation? no

 

[MissCanuck]

If she was the dumper and has otherwise not reached out to you, there is no point in contacting her. You are very unlikely to get the result you hope for. 

[Batya33]

Also are you following your heart or your sense of neediness/loneliness? If you followed your heart as far as what was heart-healthy for you what would you do? 

[Tinydance]

Well, when you kept communicating and seeing each other, was it only as friends or were you doing anything more than that? Like, were you being intimate? Why did you stop communicating? 

The thing is, you can't really follow your heart because it's not just up to you. If she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you then you can't control her decision. If she stopped communicating with you the last three months then maybe she's either lost interest in you completely and/or she's seeing someone else.

[Wiseman2]

29 minutes ago, gazlowe said:

You’re not someone who can push me build to build me and I am understanding but not accepting. 

Unfortunately this seems like long standing conflicts and incompatibilities. But it's written so strangely it's difficult to decipher if she was simply unhappy or simply gave up after trying to make it work.

What exactly did she mean by: "I am not someone who Will accept u as you want"? 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, gazlowe said:

You’re not someone who can push me build to build me and I am not someone who Will accept u as you want. I am understanding but not accepting. I’m sorry about that but I am not apologizing for the unaccepting me. I deserve better than what the world would offer and I will not wait for anyone to give that to me so if I have to let go of people to see the best in me I will.

What a world salad lol. Its OK, she thinks she deserves better. Let her explore that and keep "no contact". Prefferably forever. There is really no need for you to contact her. Ever.

[gazlowe]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately this seems like long standing conflicts and incompatibilities. But it's written so strangely it's difficult to decipher if she was simply unhappy or simply gave up after trying to make it work.

What exactly did she mean by: "I am not someone who Will accept u as you want"? 

not sure either, tried to talk to her several times. I mean on my mind these things we can easily worked out. I tried

[gazlowe]

3 hours ago, Tinydance said:

Well, when you kept communicating and seeing each other, was it only as friends or were you doing anything more than that? Like, were you being intimate? Why did you stop communicating? 

The thing is, you can't really follow your heart because it's not just up to you. If she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you then you can't control her decision. If she stopped communicating with you the last three months then maybe she's either lost interest in you completely and/or she's seeing someone else.

She would just seen my message and never reply

[boltnrun]

She used a word salad to say in essence "I'm just not into you anymore".  It's likely she meant what she said so there's no point in trying again.  These things can "easily be worked out" only if the BOTH of you want to.  The fact that she hasn't remained in contact with you shows clearly she isn't interested in working these things out.

[Wiseman2]

42 minutes ago, gazlowe said:

She would just seen my message and never reply

If she's not replying, step away so you can focus on your future. 

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, gazlowe said:

She would just seen my message and never reply

This is your clear signal that she doesn't want to reconcile, OP. 

I know it's hard when you miss someone and didn't want it to end, but there is also no point chasing someone who doesn't feel the same way about you. 

Reaching out to her again isn't going to yield a different result. It's time to make peace with the end, and shut this door. 

[SooSad33]

Should I follow my heart or not.

Not. 

As you said, you 'tried'.

It sounds to me like she's done now, sorry 😕 .  Nothing more you can do about this. She is giving you excuses and has pulled away.  Then, is up to YOU to work on accepting this.

So STOP all of these attempts to contact her or expect anything more.  You work on accepting what is and move on with your life. No chasing or begging. No more expectations.

And no, to expecting a 'friendship' with her. You two went beyond friendship and is usually hard to go backwards!

  What's done is done. Self respect here.

 

[Cherylyn]

I would say no, don't follow your heart only for it to be broken again.  💔

She has made it clear that she wants to move on as should you.  I'm sorry.  Don't look to the past anymore.  Keep marching forward in order to heal and recover. 

[smackie9]

Her loss of contact is her moving on. If she wanted it to work out, she would have made a solid attempt, but instead she's faded away. This is not because of you, this is because of her wanting to start a new chapter in her life. Let her go. 

[Coily]

Her break up message seems a bit insufferable, I truly hope you decide to move on. All I read from that word salad is that she wants a coach to make her better, and you were just a stepping stone for her and her ego. Sorry if that’s a little harsh,But hopefully it’ll give you something to think on and start your progress to a better relationship, one that values you.

[ostoyanova]

I think if you have a wild desire to rebuild a relationship with her, then yes. Listen to your heart, you don't have to forbid yourself to do what you want to do. I hope everything works out for you!