I keep failing my driving test, how do I get through the disappointment?

[katyfran45]

Hello, so today I took my second driving test. And guess what? I failed. Again. I feel so discouraged. Everyone around me who has gotten their license has said "You can do it!.. it's not hard"  etc; Easy for them to say right.   But I have severe test anxiety and am currently on medication to control it. But it doesn't fully take away the anxiety of being tested. Also I begin therapy next month. But anyways, I have no idea how I am going to continue taking the driving test over and over again. I have no friends who can take me out to practice. My parents are always busy and say they can take me out to drive but don't take me out enough. And I am 23 years old and my parents are forcing me to drive even though I really don't want to, but I also don't trust public transport and where I live the bus is near to non existant.  I just feel like a huge failure. I also feel like some pretty girls that get passed the driving test first time sometimes only pass cause of pretty privilege, which I don't have. Anyways. What can I do for myself mentally while also I guess continuing to practice driving?  Cause failing like this keeps making me feel awful. Thanks. 

[Batya33]

I failed twice when I was 19 - and gave up - and passed on the third try when I was 49 years old! I was pretty enough at 19 not so much at 49.  My driving instructor took me to the test.  That helped me.  I was really nervous! 

Test one -the tester was just -awful to me- really threw me off my game -automatic failure - in the parking lot I think -she kept micromanaging me - tried to get me to do my paralell park a different way, spoke to me rudely ugh.  Second test I failed by one point (!!).  Third test -three in 8 days - I got a 97 out of 100.  Please don't get discouraged - I get it!! I'm sorry you're so upset and I hope you feel better. 

Edited to add - yes my husband took me out to practice -it helped a lot -and my son who was 7 helped me practice parallel parking with his remote control cars lol  (toy size!!) - I also early on had friend who took me out and I took many many driving lessons. I really do think your parents or someone should have you practice -you'll feel much less anxous.

[Kwothe28]

Only second? Here almost nobody passes before 3rd. They want you to keep paying for more classes and to pay for driving test. Its in interest of Auto school and policeman who is with you in the car because they get more money of it. I needed 4 tries to pass. 

What I am trying to tell you is, its not that big of a deal. Its mostly resilience. Its important that you practice and to not take too much time between tries. As my driving instructor said to me: Driving is a skill that you learn, it will get better in time. For example I didnt ever got into car as a driver before my classes. There are people who learn with their parents so they at least have some knowledge. But you get a hang of it in time. 

Also, I would ask the parents to help you with it. And to take you to drive with them. If they want you to pass, they should at least make some time and help you with it. The more hours you spent as a driver you will get better. 

Also, also, need to ask: With anxiety, medications and therapy, are you even in a condition to drive? Are you medically cleared to drive and take a driving test?

[Seraphim]

The only way to cure this is driving experience. Less driving won’t help. You need driving lessons. 

[Cherylyn]

I agree regarding driving lessons and study harder.  You will be fine.  It's not the end of the world.  Be prepared and you will pass!

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, katyfran45 said:

 my parents are forcing me to drive even though I really don't want to, 

Sorry this is happening. Having severe anxiety is a part of the problem and another part is that you're not into it and feel pressured.

Take a break. See if you can enroll in driver's classes. That way you can learn in a neutral setting because it seems your parents and the pressure makes things worse.

[poorlittlefish]

My ex-husband took ELEVEN attempts to pass his driving test (and he must have got lucky on the day because his driving was always atrocious)!!!  What's not helping, probably subconsciously, is the fact that you don't really want to drive but don't have other options unless you start cycling places?  The therapy should help you control your anxiety, especially if they teach you some relaxation techniques.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, poorlittlefish said:

My ex-husband took ELEVEN attempts to pass his driving test (and he must have got lucky on the day because his driving was always atrocious)!!!  What's not helping, probably subconsciously, is the fact that you don't really want to drive but don't have other options unless you start cycling places?  The therapy should help you control your anxiety, especially if they teach you some relaxation techniques.

I didn't really want to drive (and I don't now -I drove a little bit for practice for a few years after my test but haven't tried again)-I'm mentioning that actually I am a good, careful driver -I say this because my instructors told me so plus my husband who is a good driver helped me but in general thought I did just fine.

However the road tests were different.  I am a person who almost never blames "the teacher" but that first one with the instructor barking orders at me to change how I was going to parallel park (which was so hard for me OP -is that one of your challenges too?) - I just couldn't deal with her attitude and manner and that was it.  And when I took a road test at 19 the roads were very icy -I shouldn't have gone - and I failed for driving too slowly but I'd never tried to drive in those conditions.  

OP it's fine if driving is not for you as long as you can find alternatives -I agree with poorlittlefish.  I have but in the next year I may have to try local driving again but for that I would take a couple of lessons-or more than a couple- I mean I agree so much that you have to be out there practicing as much as possible -that's what helped me the most. 

Good luck! Please don't be so upset with yourself!

[boltnrun]

I know people who have taken the test multiple times.  I passed the first time on both the written and the practical at age 16, but that doesn't mean someone is stupid or incompetent if they require multiple tries.

I would advise getting a lot more practice before your next attempt.  Explain to your parents that it's not possible to get better at something if you don't practice!