What is this married man's intentions?

[Callia]

So, there is someone I know who I am NOT allowed to date because of workplace policies (however, I don't see him often at all).

In the past he was very flirty with me, and would touch me all of the time, caress my hand, touch his feet to my feet, tell me that he likes me. He even started giving me hugs. And I feel lonely and I like him a great deal (terrible I know) so...

About a year ago I reached out to him on Skype. I have no idea if he got my message (it might have been an outdated account) but he said to me recently "I'm not on social media"). I didn't know if this was in reference to my attempts at contact, to discourage me, or if it was in the context of our conversation, in which social media came up...

Anyway, I care about him a lot and I've been worried about him since he'd seemed very stressed and not himself/irritable recently.

This last time I saw him I told him that I'd been worried about him and he confided ALL of this stuff in me (about his family, their health problems, his own health and some "personal problems.")  He told me he is now drinking less.

Also, my appearance came up and he said two or three times "you are beautiful" and also he kept commenting on my clothing and how great and healthy I looked. He really was almost acting like he was in awe of how I looked. I mean, he made several comments and kept babbling on about my appearance.

So here is my question. In the past I felt like he was hitting on me, making innuendos and suggestive comments but I feel he's toned it down a bit, hasn't been as touchy-feely, told me he's not available on social media, etc. So I'd begun to think maybe he's not interested in me anymore.

In this context, how do you read the comments about my appearance and the fact that he was confiding in me SO much??? Would he act this way if he didn't like me? After all, isn't it meaningful for a man to keep telling a woman she is beautiful??

I found out he has taken an extended leave of absence from work so I won't see him for some time--if he even returns, that is. I am so worried about him and so heartbroken. (In hindsight, he'd hinted to me about his leave but I didn't realize it at the time).

This is a real-life situation and I'm only human. It's confusing and stressful to have these feelings but also not know what his intentions are. Without being hateful--I know this is a controversial topic--can you tell me what you think is going on in our connection? Do you think he has feelings for me? What is he looking for? 

[boltnrun]

What I think is trying to get involved with a married man is wrong, improper and asking for a world of trouble.

1 minute ago, Callia said:

someone I know who I am NOT allowed to date because of workplace policies

This should be the least of your worries.

As for my opinion? His behavior is inappropriate and predatory. He's a creeper who should be avoided at all costs. If you're forced to interact with him at work keep it strictly professional. Tell him if he persists with the inappropriate comments and behavior you will be reporting him to HR. 

And please consider finding ways to meet decent and AVAILABLE men outside of work. 

[Kwothe28]

Just what do you think his intentions are if he is married but flirts with you and initiates physical touch? Its not really that hard to see his intentions there.

I dont know you but think you can do better then married man with issues. That is really the rock bottom. 

[HeartGoesOn]

3 hours ago, Callia said:

In this context, how do you read the comments about my appearance and the fact that he was confiding in me SO much??? Would he act this way if he didn't like me? After all, isn't it meaningful for a man to keep telling a woman she is beautiful??

There's nothing meaningful about a married man flirting with another woman with telling her she's "beautiful." He's openly demonstrating his  disloyality towards his wife, along with saying he doesn't care about the woman he exchanged vows with.

If they cheat with you, they'll cheat on you.

[Coily]

I get that you are lonely, but this is a very dark path you are looking at taking with a married man. He's picking up on your vulnerability, and clearly beauty; but where does that leave you? Heart broken and used because he promises for years to divorce his wife and never does?

You deserve better than a someone who will discard quickly when trouble comes knocking.

[Jibralta]

2 hours ago, Callia said:

What is he looking for? 

Sounds to me like he's looking to cheat on his wife.

[Batya33]

I'm only human and I agree with all the others.  Many feelings are confusing and stressful.  Many humans who have confusing and stressful feelings have to choose to react to confusing and stressful feelings in ways that are consistent with caring for oneself and caring for others and doing what is right and ethical depending on the situation even when the human finds it so very very hard to do so.  You know this too. 

If you truly were concerned about his well-being as a fellow human you would have said "I hear that you are struggling.  My advice is to talk to your wife and the two of you together can find ways to help -maybe that will involve professional resources like a therapist or a healthcare provider -I don't know and frankly it is none of my business as this is between you and your wife."

What would be meaningful is not having a married man tell you you are beautiful.  What would be meaningful is telling yourself that your inner beauty depends on you making tough choices to do the right thing.  It's really something how people who consistently do the right thing with respect to fellow human beings often have like this inner glow and you can see it in their eyes too. I highly recommend it.  

 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Callia said:

 I feel lonely and I like him a great deal

Unfortunately this seems more like sexual harassment by the workplace wolf. He's married with a family so you don't have to   "worry" about him.

Worry about your own happiness. Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting single, sober available men. Don't settle for someone like this.  

[trojan]

I've been involved with two married women. I would never do this again. Screwed up for all three people involved. I was stupiderback then than am now.

[MissCanuck]

Let his wife worry about him. 

He sounds like a total dirtbag. I know you feel lonely and were flattered by his attention, but this kind of man will chew you up and spit you out. Set your standards higher and find a real man. This one is toying with you. 

[Andrina]

6 hours ago, Callia said:

So, there is someone I know who I am NOT allowed to date because of workplace policies

This wouldn't be dating, if it happened. Call it what it would be: cheating.

Is there a reason you don't feel guilty for reaching out to a married man on social media? What's the reason you didn't stop him from inappropriate touching at work? Because you value unethical attention more than you value good ethics? 

If you think two wrongs will turn into a magical fairy tale ending, your naivety is egregious. Even if he was single, he has a drinking problem, and people who are attempting sobriety are told not to enter into new relationships until they've reached a minimum of a year with being sober.

Your loneliness and low-self worth make you easy prey for predators. Stay alone and work on your self-worth before attempting dating, because if you don't, that's all you will attract: cheaters, physical and emotional abusers, and people who suffer from addictions.

[catfeeder]

13 hours ago, Callia said:

So, there is someone I know who I am NOT allowed to date because of workplace policies

Don't you find it at all deluded to tell yourself that 'workplace policies' are the reason you're not 'allowed' to have an affair with a married man?