I think something is mentally wrong with my babydaddy

[Meepfish]

Ugh.. I have spent years trying to be civil with my ex so that he could be apart of our child’s life. It was lonely, painful, I invested way more than I should’ve. I went through hella mental agony and emotional pain trying to keep up with him. After 5 years I got some damn sense and finally started to taper my energy from him, marking it as a lost cause. As a matter of fact I could give two ——s if I never see him again a day in my life. 
 

One day he said he needed some time to find himself and I used that as an opportunity to go do some well needed growth in myself too. I had finally stopped thinking about him so much, I was getting to a point I felt like myself before I knew him, eating better, having fun with my son. We were two months seperated felt like he was going to stay away this time.

 

Well that didn’t happen, he came back doing his usual crying and whining about being better for us. Now that he’s serious I’m not and would rather my son and I move forward without him. I mean this entire time my son has watched us both through this ugly time and I’m sure picked up some trauma from it. He’s starting to revert to some of his old ways coming when he feels like it bringing our son back when he feels like it. Only wants one day out of his life for him. Me ? I’d rather close down this entire operation and continue forward without the headache. 
 

He’s just hiding behind the guise of spirituality and I can see all his bull*** through it. His plan didn’t work out with the new girl so now he wants to “make it up to his family” hella cringe. I feel that he sensed I was getting away and started doing everything I’ve been begging for to keep me stuck and dependent on him. 

[Cherylyn]

Continue enforcing healthy boundaries. 

Even though my story is not the same as yours,  I've noticed some people sense your self confidence and power in the relationship and they don't like it.  Therefore, they try to squirm their way back into your life.  Never fall for this trick.  Tactics are flattery,  charm,  love bombing and their typical pretense. 

Remain adamant,  steadfast,  unwavering,  strong and tough.  There is no other way with mentally ill and unstable people. 

[Kwothe28]

4 hours ago, Meepfish said:

Me ? I’d rather close down this entire operation and continue forward without the headache. 

Well, why dont just do that?

Sounds like you finally saw who he really is and dont want to stay there no matter what he says. So use that and close that door for good. Only have contact regarding the kid and dont mind him at all. He made his choice and you are far better without him.

[HeartGoesOn]

5 hours ago, Meepfish said:

His plan didn’t work out with the new girl so now he wants to “make it up to his family” hella cringe.

Never become someone's second choice.  He either wants to be married or be single, he can't have both. You need to make that clear if you plan on staying...Hopefully not.

In any event maybe it's tIme to send him packing, and live your life peacefully.

[catfeeder]

I'd seek legal advice to learn all options and the best steps to take for each option.

You may have a case for supervised visitation rather than allowing the guy to take off with your child.

Head high.

[Meepfish]

2 hours ago, HeartGoesOn said:

Never become someone's second choice.  He either wants to be married or be single, he can't have both. You need to make that clear if you plan on staying...Hopefully not.

In any event maybe it's tIme to send him packing, and live your life peacefully.

I’ve made it clear plenty of times. He knows we will never be back together but he says he would like for me to give him a chance  to make up for all his wrongs. They always want to do so after the woman is already burnt out and doesn’t want to do the same or have anymore chances to give

[Meepfish]

2 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Well, why dont just do that?

Sounds like you finally saw who he really is and dont want to stay there no matter what he says. So use that and close that door for good. Only have contact regarding the kid and dont mind him at all. He made his choice and you are far better without him.

Thank you so much, 

I wish he would’ve just been one of those fully absent dead beat types all this time. Instead he’s come in and out, kept his foot in the door. Creating a lot of emotional and mental confusion for me. He’d beg for weeks to be allowed in again get what he wants and ghost us for another 3-5 months. However any time I try to get away the same way he panics and tries to do right.  It’s so conflicting when you have a child involved courts would say I’m obligated you know ? He takes advantage of it though 

[catfeeder]

44 minutes ago, Meepfish said:

It’s so conflicting when you have a child involved courts would say I’m obligated you know ?

Don't make that kind of expensive assumption. Be careful about what 'obligated' means and what it does not.

Get advice from legal aid or a private attorney. Learn your rights and responsibilities along with the best ways to navigate those. Options are your friend!

[MissCanuck]

5 hours ago, Meepfish said:

It’s so conflicting when you have a child involved courts would say I’m obligated you know ?

Have you sought legal supoort? Because if not, you need to. 

13 hours ago, Meepfish said:

I’d rather close down this entire operation and continue forward without the headache.

Then do so. Call a lawyer and start working on a formal custody / visitation agreement. Much as you would like him out of your life forever, your child has the right to spend time with Dad (even if Dad is a clown) Don't waste more time trying to come to an informal agreement with him. 

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Meepfish said:

.  It’s so conflicting when you have a child involved courts would say I’m obligated you know ? 

Sorry this is happening. Close the door on him slipping in and out of your life. 

What you can do is petition the courts for child support that your child is entitled to. As the parent you need to secure that on your child's behalf. It's the child's legal right.

As far as visitation, that is something he must petition the courts for, but doesn't have to. Visitation is optional, child support is mandatory.

Focus only on coparenting and you and your child's best interest. There's nothing he can "take advantage" of. He needs to pay child support and he needs to get court ordered visitation, if he wants that.

You don't have to be involved with him whatsoever. But you do have to do what's in your child's best interest. The less on/off chaos you allow, the more stable you and your child's lives will be.

[jacongeller]

Have you discussed your concerns with him? It might be helpful to talk to a professional about this to get a better understanding of the situation.