How to deal with the pain of a break up

[Katt2323]

I just lost my boyfriend. I have so much pain, regrets and self blame. He used to be warm and affectionate now he acts cold like he wants nothing to do with me and this is extremely painful. He hates me so much now. He asked me to let him be alone so I respected him but to be honest this hurts so much. 
 

I have tried distracting myself and seeking activities I enjoy and spending time with friends but none of this helps completely. 
 

Please don’t say something like ‘move on’ or ‘it’s over’. I already know it’s time to move on and it’s over and I promise I’m doing my best to accept this but that doesn’t take away the string of the pain. 
 

How do you move on from losing someone really important especially when you mean absolutely nothing to them now. 

[MissCanuck]

5 minutes ago, Katt2323 said:

How do you move on from losing someone really important

Time. Lots of time. 

And as little contact as possible, or none at all. I know it's not easy, but you have to trust the process and remember that it will get better. 

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

Time. Lots of time. 

And as little contact as possible, or none at all. I know it's not easy, but you have to trust the process and remember that it will get better. 

Same and I agree.  I wish you all the best.  Sorry that others tell you to just move on.  Not helpful.  

[Coily]

In addition to doing things to distract you, you need to start removing reminders of him from your space. That's not to mean throw things away; but pack them up and get them out of your sight.

Perhaps it's time to explore new interests.

[boltnrun]

Don't contact him. Don't look at his social media. Don't listen to music or watch movies or TV shows that remind you of him or that you used to listen to or watch together. Don't ask friends what he's doing and don't befriend people who can give you intel about him. Don't do late night or early morning stealth drive bys. Save his number in your phone as "Don't" so when you're tempted to text him to "just say 'hi'" or to "see how he's doing" you'll see it. Ask a friend if they can be your "breakup buddy", but promise you'll only talk about him for ten minutes at a time. Allow yourself to feel the pain and even cry, but put a limit on it such as fifteen minutes a day. Then do something, anything, that you absolutely have to focus on such as rock climbing, weight lifting or cooking something that has very precisely measured ingredients. 

It'll take time, but you'll feel better once you stop putting the focus on him and put it on yourself instead. 

[smackie9]

What you need to do is grieve the loss of your relationship. You will feel the waves of pain, but as things subside the waves become less and less. A few weeks later you will start to feel a shift, like things will start to feel normal. In this time you should be keeping busy to distract your thoughts. Hang with friends, be with family, do nice things for yourself. After about a month, the weight of it all should start lifting as you fill the void with discovering yourself as an individual. Spice up your life and try new things, pick up a hobby where you can be creative or physically challenge you. Then the future will start to look bright...you will look and feel better. It's all about doing better for yourself.  

[SooSad33]

Not sure how long you were together - was it long term?

Either way, yes, it does hurt. Especially when we become emotionally invested. 😕 

But, yeah, what else can we do.  Just don't be begging him etc to come back.  That can make it all worse. Best thing to do is say no more.  Respect his wishes and be silent.

As mentioned, No Contact.  Be done with that.  We have to 'grieve' on our own. Well hopefully you do have some friends you can lean on.. or family?

I would journal a lot.  Everything I wanted to say, I say it there.  I'd be doing it for months... for however long it took me to feel I had no more to say or didn't care anymore....

But, I kept to myself (self respect) and didn't let them see me crumble.  It's fine to fall apart, tears are a good release.  So, be easy on yourself, you're hurting.

How about getting lost in your tunes, watch some good shows. Try to keep up with self care ( sleep, eat well).  It all takes time.

Eventually, you'll come to realize it does not hurt as much as in the beginning.  And some day you'll feel okay again and start 'looking' again 😉 . 

It's just how it goes - when we have to deal with a loss 😞 . ( If you feel you can't keep it together and find your sleep is affected, heightened anxiety etc, consider talking to your doctor).

One day at a time... TC of you 🙂