Is it possible to win back this girl?

[Mcflybye]

Last month, I asked out a co-worker and she rejected me on the basis of not dating co-workers. Even before I asked her out, I was looking for a new job and I kept my hopes up that she might reach out to me if I were to leave this job. The good news is that I was right to assume that. The bad news is that something happened recently that got in the way of that.

After I put in my two weeks notice, I decided to just coast through my last few days and not really care about my performance at this job. A couple days ago, one of my managers called me out on my behavior and we ended up going at each other's throats. I had a few choice insults for him and I ended the conversation by smacking his coffee out of his hand. It goes without saying that he just fired me on the spot and that was that for me and this job. 

On to the subject of the girl who rejected me, I spent some time wondering if she'd ever reach out to me. I decided to just take the plunge, message her on social media, and bring up the possibility of us going out since we're no longer co-workers. She told me that she seriously was going to reach out once I left the job, but then she heard of my outburst and how I was fired. She said "I don't want to be with someone like you." and that ended our discussion.

So now it would appear that I blew a legit chance with her, so now I'm trying to think of ways to convince her to give me one more shot. Is there anything that I can say or do to make her forget about the incident at work?

[Batya33]

No.  She has a specific reason and it is understandable she'd be quite wary of your temper/lack of self control.  You could have severely injured that person if his coffee was hot and you likely didn't know if it was or not.  And the insults, etc.  Plus your decision not to do the work you were paid to do -a little surprising since why burn bridges especially at the very end? I'd leave her alone because now that she knows of the incident if you reach out again she might be more fearful given the incident than if it hadn't happened.  

[Jibralta]

56 minutes ago, Mcflybye said:

Is there anything that I can say or do to make her forget about the incident at work?

Disappear. 

[boltnrun]

No, there isn't.

I too wouldn't want to date someone who behaved that way.

I hope you already had a new job lined up.

[gamon]

Smart girl.

You got issues man. Work on yourself. Fix what's broken.

 

[Wonderstruck]

2 hours ago, Mcflybye said:

I had a few choice insults for him and I ended the conversation by smacking his coffee out of his hand. It goes without saying that he just fired me on the spot and that was that for me and this job. 

This is terrifying and she's right to want nothing to do with you.

The fact that you're still trying to figure out if there's a way to convince her to give you another chance is also terrifying.

Please just accept the word "NO" and LEAVE THIS GIRL ALONE.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Mcflybye said:

. She said "I don't want to be with someone like you." and that ended our discussion.

Try to focus on your anger issues. Try to view this as a lesson that people are put off by bad tempers.

You didn't lose anything because she never accepted going out in the first place.

[Mcflybye]

52 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You didn't lose anything because she never accepted going out in the first place.

Did you miss the part when she said that she was going to reach out to me once I left the job? That's what I missed out on.

[catfeeder]

3 hours ago, Mcflybye said:

I'm trying to think of ways to convince her to give me one more shot. Is there anything that I can say or do to make her forget about the incident at work?

She already has you pegged as overkill, so arguing with her would only confirm that rep.

When someone is paying you for a day or an hour, you owe them your best performance for that day or hour, and anything less is unethical. So the slacking alone would turn off anyone with ethics.

What you describe after that isn't even believable. If it's true, why would anyone want to date someone who'd behave like that--anywhere? You're lucky to not be in jail.

[boltnrun]

9 minutes ago, Mcflybye said:

Did you miss the part when she said that she was going to reach out to me once I left the job? That's what I missed out on.

You left this part out:

4 hours ago, Mcflybye said:

She told me that she seriously was going to reach out once I left the job, but then she heard of my outburst and how I was fired. She said "I don't want to be with someone like you." and that ended our discussion.

She isn't interested.  Please don't confirm her bad opinion of you by continuing to pursue her.

[MissCanuck]

5 hours ago, Mcflybye said:

Is there anything that I can say or do to make her forget about the incident at work?

Nope. 

Sorry man, but you can't make this one right. I wouldn't go out with a guy who behaved the way you did, either. Huge red flag. 

Leave her be, and work on yourself and your own issues. 

[Kwothe28]

From what its worth, my opinion is that she wouldnt go out with you even if the incident didnt happen. But that the incident served as a good excuse. Not that you being unprofessional helped, because it certanly didnt. Just dont think she was interested in a first place. Whatever she thought of you, this just reaffirmed that.

[smackie9]

Your work ethic is terrible. I bet money on it she felt that vibe from you even before the incident. She's been giving you excuses right from the start, so I would say she was never interested. That's my take on it. We are not her so we can only guess. 

[gamon]

13 hours ago, Mcflybye said:

Did you miss the part when she said that she was going to reach out to me once I left the job? That's what I missed out on.

You missed out on a lot more than your chances with a girl you've been obsessed with for months.

You got fired from your job, you pissed off a lot of people, and you've probably done this in other areas of your life as well.

Your lack of impulse control and anger issues are probably affecting you much more than you realize.

 

 

[lostandhurt]

Would you want your sister dating a guy that did what you did at work?

You showed her you have low impulse control, are lazy, foul mouthed, violent and disrespectful all in a matter of minutes.

Tell me again why she would want to date anyone like that?

Lost 

[SunshineBaby7]

18 hours ago, Mcflybye said:

Last month, I asked out a co-worker and she rejected me on the basis of not dating co-workers. Even before I asked her out, I was looking for a new job and I kept my hopes up that she might reach out to me if I were to leave this job. The good news is that I was right to assume that. The bad news is that something happened recently that got in the way of that.

After I put in my two weeks notice, I decided to just coast through my last few days and not really care about my performance at this job. A couple days ago, one of my managers called me out on my behavior and we ended up going at each other's throats. I had a few choice insults for him and I ended the conversation by smacking his coffee out of his hand. It goes without saying that he just fired me on the spot and that was that for me and this job. 

On to the subject of the girl who rejected me, I spent some time wondering if she'd ever reach out to me. I decided to just take the plunge, message her on social media, and bring up the possibility of us going out since we're no longer co-workers. She told me that she seriously was going to reach out once I left the job, but then she heard of my outburst and how I was fired. She said "I don't want to be with someone like you." and that ended our discussion.

So now it would appear that I blew a legit chance with her, so now I'm trying to think of ways to convince her to give me one more shot. Is there anything that I can say or do to make her forget about the incident at work?

Well, I can’t blame her – it seems judging by how things went down you have a short fuse, maybe he just pressed all of the right buttons but do you not realize that someone could have been seriously injured by hot coffee… I don’t see a relationship ever coming out of that as it would be hard to redeem yourself especially that NEW after this just happened… Maybe give it a few weeks and reach out in hopes of her giving you another chance, but I would keep in mind that even if she were to give into you and take you up on the offer, she is going to be uncomfortable knowing that the slightest insult or something that may not go your way could possibly be her on the back end receiving you lashing out on her…

[Mcflybye]

9 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

Would you want your sister dating a guy that did what you did at work?

You showed her you have low impulse control, are lazy, foul mouthed, violent and disrespectful all in a matter of minutes.

Tell me again why she would want to date anyone like that?

Lost 

My sister's an adult. She can date whoever she wants and it's not my choice.

[Batya33]

8 hours ago, Mcflybye said:

My sister's an adult. She can date whoever she wants and it's not my choice.

Yes and as you know that was given as a really helpful example to inform your perspective.  Your perspective is this woman should still want to date you despite how you assaulted and verbally attacked someone she works with and despite how you chose to slack off (the latter is not really the big deal although this woman might know about it and might have the sort of work ethic where it is a big deal to her- her choice!).  You did not miss out.  She did not miss out.  She only said that she'd date you if you weren't coworkers.  And she changed her mind for very good reasons. 

If your sister specifically asked you if she should date someone who had behaved as you did -hypothetically -would you say "you can date whoever you want it's not my choice" or might you want to warn her against it for fear that if this person got upset with her she'd end up with having hot coffee thrown at her, or verbal harassment --or worse??

Maybe try to win back the parts of yourself that are well-intentioned, respectful, and choose appropriate behavior over what you chose to do to at your former job.

[gamon]

13 hours ago, Mcflybye said:

My sister's an adult. She can date whoever she wants and it's not my choice.

This isn't about your sister, it was an example to give you perspective.

But you already know this. No one can possibly be this obtuse.

 

 

[lostandhurt]

I love my sisters and wouldn't want them dating someone that behaved as you did and you wouldn't either if it wasn't you as the example I imagine.

You screwed up plain and simple.  You know how when you are dating and it takes a while for each person to show their true colors?  Well in her mind you saved her a lot of time and showed yours with the interaction with your boss.

 Best to learn from this and focus on why you lost your temper over being called out for being a slacker at work.

 Hopefully your new job goes great and you can move past this, take responsibility for your actions and learn how to control your temper better.

Lost