Help..

[cody2010x]

Last Thursday me and my fiancé got into an argument over something crazy. She told me the reason she can’t go have fun is ME. I was like hunny we go out every weekend about. She never said nothing back so few minute later she told me to get the F*** Out.. so I just went to bed and when I walk up the next morning for work. She didn’t say anything so I left. We didn’t talk none Friday so when I got home from work. I packed my bags and I left. We talk maybe little bit but that’s it. She been talking to my mama more than me.. So what do I need to do.. 

[Batya33]

When is your wedding planned? Is this the first time she's complained? What does she like to do for fun? Does she think where you two go together every weekend is fun? Do you try to stop her from making plans with others she thinks are fun? It sounds like she was very frustrated and angry and reacted in an immature way. Has that happened before?

[cody2010x]

We haven’t planned a day yet, yes this is the first time she complain. She like live music and hang out at bars. When we go out sometimes she pick and sometimes I pick. No I don’t stop her from doing something if she wants to go she can go. I’m not going to stop her. And no it hasn’t before

[MissCanuck]

18 minutes ago, cody2010x said:

She told me the reason she can’t go have fun is ME.

This comment came out of nowhere?

I feel like we're missing some pieces of the puzzle. 

[Batya33]

So it sounds like she feels you are stopping her.  How is it that you're engaged but there's no marriage date? When did you get engaged? Did she feel restricted prior to agreeing to marry you? My sense is she is getting cold feet and sees marriage as restrictive rather than positive and an exciting time in her life.  Does she like live music that doesn't involve hanging out at a bar? How often does she go to hear live music?

[cody2010x]

We both agree on she won’t get married until her kid gets out of school. ( 2 more years ). We got engaged last year in July. I don’t think we had no restrictions. We been doing this since we been dating is go go go. She like to go listen to live music and dance. It use to be about every weekend but it winter now so they don’t have them much right now..

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, cody2010x said:

We both agree on she won’t get married until her kid gets out of school. ( 2 more years ). We got engaged last year in July. I don’t think we had no restrictions. We been doing this since we been dating is go go go. She like to go listen to live music and dance. It use to be about every weekend but it winter now so they don’t have them much right now..

Oh ok so you got engaged and planned a long engagement for her parenting situation.  I think she's looking for excuses to end things by starting this silly "fight" and acting childishly.  She's hoping you end things.  I'm sorry!!

[cody2010x]

Well thank you for the help. This might be the reason why she hasn’t talk to me much this weekend and talk to my mama more telling her she love me a lot and care for me a lot. 

[Kwothe28]

54 minutes ago, cody2010x said:

She told me the reason she can’t go have fun is ME. I was like hunny we go out every weekend about. She never said nothing back so few minute later she told me to get the F*** Out..

How old is she? 

It just sounds too immature to say you are the reason she cant have fun. Like she is regretting her relationship life and wants to go out there and lead that single life again. With insults to you when she is not validated.

I would opt out of this. If she blames you for her "not having fun" that is a major issue and can lead to many dire consequences in the future. 

[cody2010x]

She is 47 years old. 

[Batya33]

18 minutes ago, cody2010x said:

She is 47 years old. 

I think there's more to the story than she's telling you and/or she thinks she  tried to tell you in the past, etc.  I'd opt out of her childish games.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, cody2010x said:

she told me to get the F*** Out I packed my bags and I left. .

We both agree on she won’t get married until her kid gets out of school. ( 2 more years ). 

How long have you been together? Do you live together or stay at her place? Where are you staying now?

Are there frequently arguments about going out partying. Does she have full time custody? 

Why is she speaking to your mother?

 

[SooSad33]

2 hours ago, cody2010x said:

Last Thursday me and my fiancé got into an argument over something crazy. She told me the reason she can’t go have fun is ME. I was like hunny we go out every weekend about. She never said nothing back so few minute later she told me to get the F*** Out..

So, laying blame on you .... and sounds like there may be some underlying issue's going on.  An excuse to 'fight'.

And what's this about you two going out every wknd? Does she not have friends? A life outside this relationship? Do you?

IMO, she sounds frustrated, fed up.  Just leave her be & let her cool off - about whatever's going on in her head.

But, anyone who spoke like that to me, I would hesitate on returning!

 

[Cherylyn]

Don't get married if you're having problems with her now.  Both of you will end up with heated arguments later. 

Have a calm, mature discussion and hopefully both of you can resolve this in a mature way. 

[cody2010x]

I tried to message her to day and ask if we could talk and she replied I can’t right now and she don’t want to talk right now.. I said you don’t have to talk let me talk.. we been together for 2 years now

[Batya33]

2 minutes ago, cody2010x said:

I tried to message her to day and ask if we could talk and she replied I can’t right now and she don’t want to talk right now.. I said you don’t have to talk let me talk.. we been together for 2 years now

So I would take a different approach.  She is not obligated to speak to you.  And she might have good reason -she might want to calm down/take some space, make sure that when she does interact with you it's reasonable and in an adult way. Or she might be considering the relationship as a whole.  Give her twice the space she seems to need.  Being in a relationship means respecting someone's need for space. Now you of course can respect her need for space and tell her that and also tell her that at some point if she does not want to talk to you or be with you you may decide that doesn't work for you and distance yourself.  But you can't force her to talk to you or guilt her into it.  And if you succeeded she'd be listening out of obligation only.

[cody2010x]

So we had a very long long talk and we both agreed to continue our relationship but we both need to fix some issues. So I told her and she agreed to that I wasn’t going to come back and stay with her ( maybe spend some night with each other ). Is this the right move to do.. 

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, cody2010x said:

 I told her and she agreed to that I wasn’t going to come back and stay with her. Is this the right move to do.. 

Yes, stay where you are. This way you can take things slowly , go out on dates when you're both available without this type of drama:

"she told me to get the F*** Out.. I packed my bags and I left."

[cody2010x]

Everytime I look at my phone she is blowing it up.. I will have like couple text me and if I don’t respond in like 5 mins I get a hello or she wants to call me.. and every day she wants me to come over here house and she her or come help her. I told her I was going to buy me a tv for the place I’m staying at and she said don’t buy a tv.. I got one you can have. I’m so confuse 

[Batya33]

50 minutes ago, cody2010x said:

Everytime I look at my phone she is blowing it up.. I will have like couple text me and if I don’t respond in like 5 mins I get a hello or she wants to call me.. and every day she wants me to come over here house and she her or come help her. I told her I was going to buy me a tv for the place I’m staying at and she said don’t buy a tv.. I got one you can have. I’m so confuse 

What is confusing? Her actions are those of a person who is self-absorbed and doesn't care if she keeps texting and demanding attention.  Have you told her you're uncomfortable with all the texting? Who cares what she wants -what do you want? How do you react? How do you communicate what you want? 

Last week my son with his brand new phone -first one (heaven help us) sent me a barrage of texts because he'd never gone to a sports meet, he just joined this  team last month it was his first meet ever and he was texting me from a van when they'd arrived at the meet.  He did not want to go, he was nervous about like everything.  I was his security blanket, he wanted my help -just like your GF. 

 I told him outright -you are going.  You are fine.  You are going to do your best to have fun -this is your first time, this is just practice (not a competitive type sport).  He didn't stop.  text after text to help him, to come get him on and on and on.  I love him to the moon and back.  I also care about myself.  I also care that he learn how to behave appropriately and treat me appropriately. I also knew he was absolutely fine and his coach is a great human being. And was right there with him.  So I texted -I am not responding again.  I love you.  You are fine.  Talk to coach if you have any concerns and participate and show up for your team and I can't wait to see you later."

It was really hard for me to walk away.  I'm his mom!  And- he learned how to treat me, how to advocate for himself if needed, and when he walked off the van later that evening proudly holding the huge box of leftover snacks he looked taller and so proud of himself. Your gf will learn to stand on her own two feet or not try to get your feet to walk over to help her, and you are not her parent but it will help the dynamic once she sees -she doesnt' need her bf to jump every time  she calls because she's perfectly capable of brainstorming/trouble shooting solutions to this small stuff she is texting you about.

I give this example because it is the same.  Teach her how to treat you.  If she over texts and gets clingy/pushy/demanding -be firm, direct, polite, concise "I'm going to stop responding for now.  I am not ignoring you.  I am busy and am stepping away from my phone and I am happy to talk about this the next time we see each other in person.  I am not coming over to help you with ____ today because I need to take care of things here.  I'll be in touch later and I hope you have a lovely[evening] xoxo" Then walk. away.  

[smackie9]

I'm going to take a guess and say she's projecting something. Maybe she's crushing on someone and it's making her re-evaluate her future plans with you. When they turn a 180, it usually means there's someone else in their orbit pulling them away, making them act weird/crazy/unusual. 

[cody2010x]

I don’t think it’s someone esle but it could be.. she wants to see my all the time.. like today we going do something. Tomorrow we are going out with her friends. Like she wants me there all weekend. But she don’t won’t me to complete move back in with her. She said she don’t care if I come over whenever i want and I could stay sometimes.. that’s why I’m confuse

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, cody2010x said:

. I told her I was going to buy me a tv for the place I’m staying at and she said don’t buy a tv.. 

Don't accept her TV. Don't start the rut of camping out there again until she goes ballistic and throws you out again.

Let the dust settle. Step back and go out on dates.

[boltnrun]

So you've completely forgiven her for throwing you out and telling you to get the F out?

Did she even apologize? (Not that I would have just let it go, but it would have been something at least...)

[cody2010x]

She told me she was sorry but I’m not coming back full blast