Does she still like me?

[iamwhatyoumademe1129]

So, there is this girl (23F) at work and she flirted with me a lot over the past weeks.  I (21M) flirted back and got the ball rolling. After flirting for about two weeks I heard from another coworker that she had a boyfriend back in Mexico, but they haven’t seen each other in a year. So I decided to ask her out on a date, just to make sure. She thought for like 10 seconds and I could see she was tempted to say yes, but she told me she had a boyfriend, but she wanted to talk later with me. She also said she doesn’t want for things to get weird between us. I simply told her it’s all good, and have a great day.

 

Instead of just cutting her off and stop talking to her like I usually do with other girls, I didn’t stop talking to her. Primarily because she kept talking to me. Also the rejection did not really sting. So I continued talking to her and demoted her in my mind to the friendship position. I like her personality, so I did not mind being friends with her.

 

After a couple of days she started flirting with me again, showing interest, always touching me. I didn’t really think much of it. Then this week not only did flirting go up, but she also started asking specific questions about me. On Tuesday we got cupcakes at work and I got one, but she didn’t because they were all gone. I saw that she was kinda sad, so I shared my cupcake with her. Not because I was interested in her, but because that’s what friends do. Instead of just taking the cupcake and walk away, she started blushing at me and told me I am a good person. I didn’t really understand what happened, so I just moved along.

 

Today she was flirting with me like usual, asking questions about me. When I asked her why she was asking all these specific questions, she said she wanted to know more about me.  After work, my coworker told me that she told him that she broke up with her boyfriend because of distance.

So I am really confused.

 

Does she like me?

Is it possible that she broke up with her bf to try to be with me, or am I just tripping?

What should I do in this situation?

Is the ball in her court?

[Kwothe28]

You already got rejected once. If she wants something, she can tell you herself, until then, consider what she said before is the same now.

Also

45 minutes ago, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

Is it possible that she broke up with her bf to try to be with me, or am I just tripping?

 

No, if they broke up its most probably not because of you. 

[iamwhatyoumademe1129]

1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

You already got rejected once. If she wants something, she can tell you herself, until then, consider what she said before is the same now.

Also

No, if they broke up its most probably not because of you. 

Yeah then I'm just tripping. Back to reality I guess 

Copy that. If we end up dating, cool. If not, that's cool too. Her loss

But if she wants something she will have to initiate 

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

 if she wants something she will have to initiate 

You could ask her out for coffee/a drink after work. That may clear up if she's interested.

It's telling that she didn't tell you she broke up with her BF considering she's aware of your interest in her.

[Batya33]

I think she enjoys the attention and the flirting.  I don't think she is interested in dating you.

[iamwhatyoumademe1129]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

 

It's telling that she didn't tell you she broke up with her BF considering she's aware of your interest in her.

Sorry bro I don't get it. What do you mean?

[smackie9]

She's playing stupid games. She's not your friend, she just using you for the attention to boost her ego. Ask her out one more time if you need to be sure. If you get rejected again, cut out the flirting crap because you are not getting anything out of it.

[catfeeder]

If you just started flirting weeks ago, then her breakup is awfully fresh. She likely needs to catch her breath. Keep things as you have been--it sounds like a nice attraction. If she reaches a point where she's comfortable telling you that she's free to date, she'll do that.

Head high, you've handled this well.

[iamwhatyoumademe1129]

On 3/6/2023 at 9:24 AM, Kwothe28 said:

You already got rejected once. If she wants something, she can tell you herself, until then, consider what she said before is the same now.

Also

No, if they broke up its most probably not because of you. 

Bad news bro. I have completely fallen for her. What I told my self would not happen, happened. When I look at her, time stops. Nothing else matters. I can’t physically stay away from her for more than ten minutes. And to know that I can’t do anything about it because I already asked her out sucks. I’m in pain, terrible pain.

I have developed feelings for her. I now have a dangerously big crush on her.

I just woke up and had dreams about her. I  am really screwed

I have become the very thing I swore to destroy

Any advice on how to get myself out of this hole is appreciated

[iamwhatyoumademe1129]

On 3/6/2023 at 11:28 AM, Batya33 said:

I think she enjoys the attention and the flirting.  I don't think she is interested in dating you.

Could be. Specially given the fact that she didn't tell me about her breaking up with her bf yet.

But it gets worse. 

 I have completely fallen for her. What I told my self would not happen, happened. When I look at her, time stops. Nothing else matters. I can’t physically stay away from her for more than ten minutes. And to know that I can’t do anything about it because I already asked her out sucks. I’m in pain, terrible pain.

I have developed feelings for her. I now have a dangerously big crush on her.

I just woke up and had dreams about her. I  am really screwed

I have become the very thing I swore to destroy

Any advice on how to get myself out of this hole is appreciated

[iamwhatyoumademe1129]

On 3/6/2023 at 2:27 PM, smackie9 said:

She's playing stupid games. She's not your friend, she just using you for the attention to boost her ego. Ask her out one more time if you need to be sure. If you get rejected again, cut out the flirting crap because you are not getting anything out of it.

Yeah, only now am I realizing that this could be the case. She didn't tell me anything yet. 

But it gets worse.  I have completely fallen for her. What I told my self would not happen, happened. When I look at her, time stops. Nothing else matters. I can’t physically stay away from her for more than ten minutes. And to know that I can’t do anything about it because I already asked her out sucks. I’m in pain, terrible pain.

I have developed feelings for her. I now have a dangerously big crush on her.

I just woke up and had dreams about her. I  am really screwed

I have become the very thing I swore to destroy

Also, I don't flirt with her. She is the one flirting with me. And it is driving me crazy.

Any advice on how to get myself out of this hole is appreciated

[iamwhatyoumademe1129]

On 3/6/2023 at 8:32 PM, catfeeder said:

If you just started flirting weeks ago, then her breakup is awfully fresh. She likely needs to catch her breath. Keep things as you have been--it sounds like a nice attraction. If she reaches a point where she's comfortable telling you that she's free to date, she'll do that.

Head high, you've handled this well.

Bad news bro. I have completely fallen for her. What I told my self would not happen, happened. When I look at her, time stops. Nothing else matters. I can’t physically stay away from her for more than ten minutes. And to know that I can’t do anything about it because I already asked her out sucks. I’m in pain, terrible pain.

I have developed feelings for her. I now have a dangerously big crush on her.

I just woke up and had dreams about her. I  am really screwed.

I have become the very thing I swore to destroy

Any advice on how to get myself out of this hole is appreciated

[smackie9]

1 hour ago, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

Yeah, only now am I realizing that this could be the case. She didn't tell me anything yet. 

But it gets worse.  I have completely fallen for her. What I told my self would not happen, happened. When I look at her, time stops. Nothing else matters. I can’t physically stay away from her for more than ten minutes. And to know that I can’t do anything about it because I already asked her out sucks. I’m in pain, terrible pain.

I have developed feelings for her. I now have a dangerously big crush on her.

I just woke up and had dreams about her. I  am really screwed

I have become the very thing I swore to destroy

Also, I don't flirt with her. She is the one flirting with me. And it is driving me crazy.

Any advice on how to get myself out of this hole is appreciated

You can say "I heard you are single again" "want to grab a drink after work?". If she rejects you once again, ignore her or find another job. 

[Batya33]

You get out of the hole by cutting out the lying to yourself.  Feel what you feel and react in a way that's consistent with moving on.  There's no can't.  It's all a choice.  I had a few really major work crushes.  In one case he was married.  Happily.  He never ever knew - I mean I sure hope he did not. We worked together and he was 100% professional.  I never ever flirted with him.  We got along very well professionally.  I kept it as such.  One night -sigh- I had a dream about him.  Our offices were next to each other.  The next day I literally stayed in my office and communicated only via email -I mean about our work.  I was so nervous I'd blush!  

I got over it.  It faded.  Yes I was single when I had this crush.  The other crush - I did flirt -some -we were both single. Then he started dating a coworker.  I stopped flirting.  It was an intense crush that faded because I didn't choose to act the act.  We never dated or anything.  Ironically he introduced me to his brother and he and I dated for about 5 months!

[MissCanuck]

On 3/6/2023 at 3:36 PM, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

Is it possible that she broke up with her bf to try to be with me, or am I just tripping?

You're tripping. 

If she hasn't seen him for a year, then distance is indeed the reason it ended. 

15 hours ago, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

I have completely fallen for her.

No, you have fallen for the idea of her. It doesn't sound like you know her very well, so you can't have possibly fallen for her. You don't really know who she is as a person. You have a crush, which is normal. But try not to assign it such deep emotional meaning and lose all perspective. You like what you know of her, but keep in mind that you still know only the basics. 

If she hasn't yet told you herself that she is single, there is a reason and it's because she doesn't want you to ask her on another date. Otherwise, she would let you know she is available now. Be careful here. 

[Wiseman2]

16 hours ago, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

Any advice on how to get myself out of this hole is appreciated

Your insight is good that this level of obsession isn't healthy.

Date outside of work. This solves a lot of problems. One is becoming obsessed with a coworker.  Another is focusing on unavailable/uninterested women.  

Try not to get stuck in an I-only-want-what-I-can't-have loop. 

Get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women. This way there's no guessing about their availability. After a few messages ask to meet for a drink/coffee. If there's chemistry, ask them for a second date.

If you feel you're "in pain" and having difficulty controlling thoughts and feelings, see a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.  

[Kwothe28]

19 hours ago, iamwhatyoumademe1129 said:

Bad news bro. I have completely fallen for her. What I told my self would not happen, happened. When I look at her, time stops. Nothing else matters. I can’t physically stay away from her for more than ten minutes. And to know that I can’t do anything about it because I already asked her out sucks. I’m in pain, terrible pain.

 

All the more reason to forget about it. Having a crush is fine. Having a strong feelings about somebody who already rejected you, who has(or had) a boyfriend and still flirted with other people, is a recipe for disaster. Manage your expectations accordingly. She is a coworker that sometimes flirts with you. There are no new informations that she actually wants something there. So, there is no reason for you to get this obsessed over it. Even if she does want something there is simply no need for this kind of obsession. Keep it grounded.