I've never had an orgasm, what did you do to achieve one? (WOMEN ONLY)

[DiceyDicey]

This is extremely embarrassing to post... But I've never had an orgasm, and don't even know how it's supposed to feel like. I've gotten close with my boyfriend before, but I think he's gotten a bit exasperated trying to help me achieve it. So he suggested I should try to do it on my own, so that I could at least identify how an orgasm feels to me. 

I've tried to achieve one just today, and stopped in the middle because more liquid-y fluid that normal came out of me and I am not sure if it's urine or not... This makes me even more afraid to reach orgasm, especially with my boyfriend. 

 

Please help, how do you achieve orgasm? How do I know when I am close? How does it even feel like?

[Wiseman2]

Why not start with seeing a physician for an evaluation of your physical and mental health? Get some tests done. Discuss contraception and STDs. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist for ongoing support.

This way you can rule out physical or psychological factors and you can speak with a therapist privately and confidentiality without worrying about pressure or unfamiliar physical sensations.

[Batya33]

I would try on your own.  Also - just an alternative view -why do you care so much? Don't you enjoy sex and sexual activity whether or not you orgasm? I would think all your trying is impeding your pleasure and being in the moment.

[Andrina]

Try a vibrator. Have him do oral if he hasn't. Know that it normally takes about 15 minutes to achieve orgasm. If none of that works, get your hormones tested to see if they are at the normal levels.

[Coily]

It sounds like you are a bit afraid, given how you reacted to more fluid than normal.

You might be doing what is crudely called squirting, with that description. It’s not a bad thing, most women are shocked the first time that happens.

Definitly try self stimulation, ask your BF for more foreplay, and find a way to relax.

Us men typically just want to make sure the women we are with are enjoying themselves. Which we think (and not always true) that an orgasm is an expression of sexual enjoyment, but as long as you both enjoying who cares?

[poorlittlefish]

On 3/4/2023 at 7:51 AM, DiceyDicey said:

I've tried to achieve one just today, and stopped in the middle because more liquid-y fluid that normal came out of me and I am not sure if it's urine or not... This makes me even more afraid to reach orgasm, especially with my boyfriend. 

Please help, how do you achieve orgasm? How do I know when I am close? How does it even feel like?

When your body becomes aroused, it produces lubrication. What you experienced could be as simple and as normal as that. As for what it feels like, I remember reading something one time that likened it to a sneeze - a build-up of intensity, followed by relief.

There's no right or wrong length of time it takes to achieve orgasm, but if your head is not in the right place then it likely won't happen. For me, it takes a couple of minutes before I even start feeling the pleasurable sensations, so be patient with yourself.

It's great that your boyfriend is so willing to give you a hand (literally), but I think you'd do better learning by yourself what works for you, then moving on to showing him once you feel confident that you've picked up the knack. Having him there while you learn your own body is probably additional pressure that won't aid you right now.

[spinstermanquee]

Hi Dicey,

I agree with above posters who encourage trying on your own.  Having a partner in the mix when you don't know what works yet seems to be adding to the pressure.  Pressure=not relaxed=can't enjoy!

Some women have vaginal orgasms, which means you can achieve by being penetrated.  I have never had one of those, I only ever had the clitoral ones so can't speak to the other method.

When I was a young lass and experimenting, I used the bath spout (lie down, position groin under spout with legs up tile, adjust water temperature and pressure as needed, add a little fantasy.

After that I discovered the water jets on the sides of pools, jacuzzis in hotels, etc.

Vibrators are good - I never used the penis shaped ones but rather neck massagers or the like for clitoral stimulation.  There is a new product out there called the rose that gently "sucks" and vibrates the clitoris.  I tried it but it was too strong for my taste and I got rid of it, YMMV (there is a big fan base for the rose out there)!

In any case please give yourself the time and space to figure out what works for you, orgasms are nice but enjoying the moment is even more important rather than worrying about "le petit mort."  Good luck my dear!

[electricorchid]

Buy a vibrator, keep it on your c*** for 3 minutes, should do the trick. you're welcome 😉