Was I wrong or not?

[sapphire000]

My girlfriend of nine months ended our relationship. One month before she actually ended our relationship, she seemed emotionally distant. when she decided to end our relationship for good. She ended our relationship with a text message, and I was left wondering why she made that decision. She told me in a text message that I should look for someone else and that I should not have to wait for her. My response was simply asking whether this was what she wanted, to which she responded by confirming that it was, after which I thanked her for the love and everything else. I still think about her, even though it's been almost half a year, and I'm beginning to question why I didn't at least give her some time to consider what happened.

[Coily]

Getting dumped like that really sucks. You have all sorts of questions, doubts, and self esteem wrapped up in it.

 I know I think about my ex from time to time; always wondering. Unfortunately that’s all you’ll ever get, more questions. It does get better as time passes, but it’s normal to reflect for a while as you get ready to move forward.

[bluecastle]

5 minutes ago, sapphire000 said:

I still think about her, even though it's been almost half a year, and I'm beginning to question why I didn't at least give her some time to consider what happened.

Sorry about all this. 

Sadly, this wasn't an instant where there was time for you to give—or, really, to do anything to change her mind. She opted to end the relationship, as anyone, in any relationship, can choose to do at any time. It stings and it sucks—been there. Keep moving forward, accepting that questioning things is part of the process, but also recognizing how that's different than trying to control them.

If she had doubts she would have voiced them. That she hasn't is all you need to know that, in her shoes, there is nothing more to consider.  

 

[sapphire000]

Thank you. I mean I still love her after all. I know 6 mons is a probably a long time to consider to get over but I dont know if I could turn back time I could have given her time to think, rather than agreeing that easily. kinda starting to regret that

[Batya33]

22 minutes ago, sapphire000 said:

Thank you. I mean I still love her after all. I know 6 mons is a probably a long time to consider to get over but I dont know if I could turn back time I could have given her time to think, rather than agreeing that easily. kinda starting to regret that

Did she ask for time? If not then no you did the right thing.  I'm sorry.

[boltnrun]

54 minutes ago, sapphire000 said:

My response was simply asking whether this was what she wanted, to which she responded by confirming that it was

Shr wasn't asking for or wanting "time". She confirmed breaking up was what she wanted. Responding by insisting she needs "time to think" would have been pointless.

I would accept she meant what she said. And this acceptance frees you to be available for the right person. 

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, sapphire000 said:

She told me in a text message that I should look for someone else and that I should not have to wait for her.

In translation: Dont wait for me I already have somebody else.

Sorry man(or a woman, you didnt specify gender), there was nothing you could do that but to accept and try to move on.

[SooSad33]

3 hours ago, sapphire000 said:

She told me in a text message that I should look for someone else and that I should not have to wait for her. My response was simply asking whether this was what she wanted, to which she responded by confirming that it was, after which I thanked her for the love and everything else.

Your post is titled 'Was I wrong or not'?  How do you mean?

As for your still 'feeling it', after a number of months. This is normal, especially when they've made a deep impact.

BUT, what you don't do is look to follow them and end ALL contact.  Do not try to reach out anymore ( in order to work on accepting, healing etc), and do not expect anything more from her.  Is up to you to work through your emotions & move on.

 

[MissCanuck]

3 hours ago, sapphire000 said:

if I could turn back time I could have given her time to think

She didn't need time to think, OP. 

She had already decided. You offering time to think wouldn't have changed a thing, sadly, particularly since she didn't indicate she wanted time to think.

This one was out of your hands and was a done deal by the time she ended it. It's hard, but try not to torment yourself over something you had no control over. 

[catfeeder]

10 hours ago, sapphire000 said:

... I could have given her time to think, rather than agreeing that easily. kinda starting to regret that

Nope, nothing to regret. There is no secret 'waitzies' rule you could have grabbed to pause the breakup.

There are no appeals we can file to reverse another's decision. A breakup doesn't require our consent. 

Disabuse yourself of the idea that you could have said or done something to change the outcome.

Instead, allow yourself to heal because you are off the hook.

[Cherylyn]

I'm sorry.  Getting dumped via text was cowardly of her.  Say, "Good riddance!"  Her character is shady and you deserve so much better.

[TheRawTruth]

15 hours ago, sapphire000 said:

My girlfriend of nine months ended our relationship. One month before she actually ended our relationship, she seemed emotionally distant. when she decided to end our relationship for good. She ended our relationship with a text message, and I was left wondering why she made that decision. She told me in a text message that I should look for someone else and that I should not have to wait for her. My response was simply asking whether this was what she wanted, to which she responded by confirming that it was, after which I thanked her for the love and everything else. I still think about her, even though it's been almost half a year, and I'm beginning to question why I didn't at least give her some time to consider what happened.

Did she ASK for time to consider that? Because it sounds like she's the one that MADE it happen and didn't need time to consider it. If anything, that month of her being distant WAS the time she took to make sure this was the right decision.

Now, doing it in a text was rather cowardly on her part. But what I'd really want to know if I were you, is WHY? WHY did she decide to end it? Out of nowhere? Seems odd. Sometimes an answer (closure) is helpful in moving on.

[Wiseman2]

15 hours ago, sapphire000 said:

 I didn't at least give her some time to consider what happened.

Sorry is didn't work out. It's not about right or wrong. Unfortunately she told you she was having family problems and didn't want to be in a relationship. 

[Jibralta]

On 2/28/2023 at 11:33 AM, sapphire000 said:

I'm beginning to question why I didn't at least give her some time to consider what happened.

You weren't the one in charge of that. She was.