Gf never wants sex...

[SadHatter]

Hi,

 

Just wondering if I could have some advice, preferably from a woman! I've been seeing my girlfriend now for about three months. She is 17 and I am 22. At first, we had an excellent sex life. However, over the past month or so, she never wants sex. She says she loves me etc. but she always "just wants cuddles". I ask why she doesn't want sex and she says, "I can't be bothered" and that "There's more to a relationship than just sex". Of course I know this and I tell her this and that it really hurts me that she doesn't ever want to have sex. She says that, "I go through periods when I want sex all the time and periods when I don't. You're going to have to deal with it".

 

Anyway, it is upsetting me because it makes me feel unattractive. Is there more to this? Surely after only 3 months together she should still be really into me and want to have sex with me if she "Loves me so much"?

 

Also - she says the sex with me is the best she's ever had, and I don't disbelieve her. I guess she would say that, but she seems genuine, and when we do have sex, I can tell that she is enjoying it lol...

 

Anyway, last week we ended up making love (after she initially again said she didn't want to) and it was great, really great and she told me numerous times she loved it. Anyway, I asked her around last night and she said, "No...let's go out. If I go to yours, you'll just want sex and I can't be bothered". Makes me feel terrible!

 

Whats going on?! Please help!

[annie24]

Erm... first off, what country are you in? Because this sexual relationship is illegal in certain countries. I don't advise getting into a sexual relationship with a minor.

 

(PS - I moved this post into a more appropriate forum )

[SadHatter]

I am in the UK...its not illegal!!!!!

[annie24]

Ok good! Now that that's taken care of....

 

Hmmm.... I think you should sit down sometime (not in bed!) and have a talk about this. Ask her if she's going through something. Maybe she's nervous because she may be moving soon... (I don't know... just a suggestion). Tell her that you find her attractive. Use a lot of "I" statements. Don't make her feel bad for not satisfying your needs. But, try to really emphasize how much you love her and love being with her physically.

 

Hopefully, you two can come to some kind of compromise. Good luck!

[SadHatter]

I don't think its a case of moving too soon as believe it or not, she's been with more people than I have!!!!!! :S

 

I just don't get it...

[annie24]

No... no... by "moving" I meant - is she moving away... physically? To a new city?

 

What about you.... have you let yourself go? Have you packed on a few pounds since you met her? Do you still romance her, bring her flowers, take her out on dates? Do you dress up for her?

[SadHatter]

I am exactly the same weight as when I met her and I always dress smart. I have recently had a few women say how good I look. Funnily, since you mentioned that, I brought her flowers last week!

 

Also...no - neither of us are moving away. The whole thing baffles me...

[annie24]

ok - so, it's not you... you're still brushing your teeth, right?

 

so, then, I think it's time to sit down and talk with her to figure out what's going wrong. You're not the first poster here with this problem... have you searched through the older posts?

[heloladies21]

Well friend, she might be losing her interest in you. Anyways, you deserve to have the life that you want. If your sex life isn't what you want it to be, you should find someone who's more compatable and looking for the same thing you are. What if a girl didn't stimulate you mentally or emotionally anymore? Wouldn't you want to find someone else who's a better fit? Why should it be any different with sex?

 

I'd have another talk with her and let her know what's the problem and how it's making you feel. And if you get another "i can't be bothered with that", then it's time for you to break up with her and find someone else.

[smorgie]

This may or may not be an issue....but i experienced the exact same problem with my bf a couple years ago...my sex drive just stopped altogether. I asked my doctor about it and the culprit ended up being my birth control pill that I was on. Has she recently started the pill, or switched brands??? Every pill has a different amount of horomones which affects everyone different. I tried switching to a different brand of the pill and it seemed to work because my sex drive came back completely. Just an idea?

[Day_Walker]

After 3 months if you arent getting as much sex as you would like then you need to get out of the relationship now. With the answers that she gives you it seems that she doesnt want to communicate with the issue, instead she gives general and stand offish comments. If you arent getting enough sex then other aspects of the relationship are going to be effected. You will learn from this situation.

[RayKay]

I have to agree with Daywalkers point that she is avoiding the issue, and she is turning the focus away from the problem by providing a pat answer.

 

"I can't be bothered" is a selfish, hurtful comment in my opinion. Who should be "bothered" to have sex with the person they love, to share that intimate bond, provide and receive pleasure....

 

No sex is NOT everything, but it is something, and to not want it for a month signals a deeper issue at play....it may even be a "control" issue for her or perhaps she is losing interest, or even is 'asexual'. Sexual compatibility is very integral, just as emotional and mental compatibility is!

 

You need to communicate with her to work on this, if she refuses to consider it or talk about it and again says she "can't be bothered" you need to decide what you want to do, as things are unlikely to change. At 3 months in, yes you should be still going at it like rabbits and not "denying" you.