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Dating a girl I work with


Victor93

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On 3/16/2023 at 10:03 AM, Victor93 said:

That really cheered me up and I am wondering whether or not I should thank her for wanting to have dinner with me because my brother went in the hospital the night before and she cheered me up. Should I tell her that?  

I would not tell her that.  I think that puts too much pressure on someone you barely know, like they are (meaning she is) now somehow responsible for your happiness.  Less is more, early on.

I really like your approach about including her in a group setting first.  Take it slowly and focus on getting to know her (which you seem to be doing) and keep being pleasant to her without being pushy, and I think you'll have a much higher chance at "success" (however we're going to define "success" here).

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On 3/16/2023 at 3:03 PM, Victor93 said:

I am wondering whether or not I should thank her for wanting to have dinner with me because my brother went in the hospital the night before and she cheered me up. Should I tell her that? 

No. She doesn't need to know that, and you two aren't close. 

Keep your interactions light unless and until you get to know each other better. 

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I see what you both are saying. I won't mention anything about my brother. It was just unexpected both my brother being in the hospital the night before and Cara planning the dinner for birthday which really is on the 29th I told her that when she asked. I just wanted it be a casual hangout at dinner not a celebration for me. I haven't had friends celebrate my birthday in years. I just do something for myself get something on my way home from work and maybe go to a movie. So it was just nice to have some good news about hanging out with Cara, Grace and the others. To my surprise though I was talking to this older woman at work who thinks of me like a son. I went to talk to her before the restaurant opened and she was out front talking with her sister Cara and Grace. When I walked over I wasn't sure what they talked about but Cara said now "Now Victor when you get to Plaza wait for us so we can wallk in together. I said okay I will. I talked to the older woman Gail later that day when I got lunch and Gail told me Cara was talking to her asking if she knew about the birthday dinner for Victor she no she didn't know. I don't know Cara very well but for her to plan a birthday dinner for me which I wasn't expecting is very nice of her. Gail did tell me Cara told her something she has planned but Gail wouldn't tell me  lol. So now I'm curious. I will say I am planning on getting a small thank you card for Cara Thanking her for having dinner and for celebrating my birthday it was very kind of you and nice to hangout. I'll get her a small box of donut munchkins from Dunkin when I leave for work one morning next week, I know I don't have to get her a thank you card but it's not everyday I have someone show the kindness she has, and plus I do her company at work.

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10 minutes ago, Victor93 said:

I'll get her a small box of donut munchkins from Dunkin when I leave for work one morning next week, I know I don't have to get her a thank you card but it's not everyday I have someone show the kindness she has, and plus I do her company at work.

I agree! My first job other than babysitting was there -in the 1980s!

 

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So Cara doesn't work until Thursday for a day shift. I walked in before 5:30pm Even though Cara said to wait for her and Grace, I was anxious most of today, spent most of the day just cleaning my house to stay busy. So half my co workers were at the dinner. (26 people). I first sat next with one of the front house managers and another co worker then when Cara and Grace came in they were kind of mad  lol they said they were waiting for me outside. Then Grace said come sit with us so I sat with Cara, Grace and Ionoah another girl. I found that I enjoyed their company more. we all talked a bit and Grace even paid for my meal and two shots of tequila and two sodas. (i was  a little anxious before dinner) lol

 

Grace and Cara asked where I live and if I have siblings I told them where and a brother. Grace did bring up that she was going to on a cruise soon and that  guy friend I think Christian's  mom is paying for it so that told me perhaps she has a boyfriend, I did find out Grace, Cara and Ionoah do all hangout at each others houses watching movies. I know I am a guy but I find the company of women more easier then with guys. I'm not sure if Cara and I would date or not. I did say to Grace lets all hangout again when it's my actual birthday (the 29th) she said sure but that she has to save some money for her out of town trip. I don't know I keep to myself a lot and realized after tonight for those two hours that I enjoy their company, not sure if it would lead to dating with Cara but how can I express to Grace and Cara that I enjoy their company? I have few friends that I go over to their house and just chill watching movies. Perhaps I should invite them over to my house sometime?  That way we all are not spending money and it would be fun hanging out.  Just talking having food and enjoying one anothers company. Also both Grace and Cara gave me side hugs lol where as everyone else gave me full hugs 🙂 Any thoughts? Should I just say to grace, grace, cara and Ionoah that I enjoy their comapny and would like to hangout with them more and that I enjoy their friendship. (i have been there 3 years and never hungout with Ionoah before) I won't sleep much after all the food I ate and bit of tequila. I have been missing out. I am also paying Grace back later this week when I see her because that was too kind of her to do that for me. I have had people do that for me when I was younger but now that I am older and maybe it's because I see how hard Grace and the others work especially because they are making tips instead of hourly pay.  I feel it would be best. I did message Cara tonight thanking her and grace for hanging out and for the birthday dinner (which is on the 29th) lol She said You're welcome. I am learning also that to have a girls number is a great deal of trust because I don't want to bother them maybe that is how Grace and Cara feel well Cara not sure about Grace. Should I still write a thank you note to Cara and Grace for paying for my meal and for planning the birthday dinner?

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52 minutes ago, Victor93 said:

Should I still write a thank you note to Cara and Grace for paying for my meal and for planning the birthday dinner?

Didn't you already thank them? Don't overdo it.

One thing that would be nice is bringing in donuts or bagels for the people who attended the dinner to thank them.

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1 hour ago, Victor93 said:

 Should I still write a thank you note to Cara and Grace for paying for my meal and for planning the birthday dinner?

Can't hurt. Everyone likes to be appreciated and acknowledged. Tell them you had a great time and you appreciate all they've done. But do it promptly after, not before. 

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