Did I m21 blow it with her f20?

[NeedHelpBruhhh]

Met this f20 a month ago and been on 3 dates, the last 2 we slept over each others places but no sex, just cuddling/holding hands/kissing. I’ve been purposely taking it slow as she’s also looking for a relationship but want to sexually escalate on the potential 4th date.

Ever since I met her she’s just been bad at keeping up with texts and has said that herself so sometimes she may take hours to respond. She showed me her phone which has 100+ unread texts. In real life she seems fine, is constantly asking me things and remembering small details about what I told her before and in general seems interested.

On our second date I tried kissing her and she got nervous and messed it up. Later that night she profusely apologized. Then on our third date 2 days ago I kissed her but we bumped noses and it made me end up kissing more of her upper lip than an actual kiss. Later that night I apologized once for it and she told me there’s nothing to apologize for. 

I’ve been trying to set up a 4th date and despite her saying yes and she would love to see me it’s been hard to set up one because she’s taking 10+ hours to respond to texts. I know she’s also working and busy but I’ve been really overthinking because since the kiss 2 days ago it seems like she’s taking longer but I’m not sure. Did I mess up by apologizing for it? Just didn’t want her to think that’s how I normally kiss.

[Batya33]

Don't set up a date through text.  Call her on the phone and have a back and forth conversation where you have a date, time and place in mind and ask her.

[Kwothe28]

2 hours ago, NeedHelpBruhhh said:

She showed me her phone which has 100+ unread texts.

Yes, from men she has no interest talking too. 

Think I talked about that here a long time ago, but, unless you are so introverted that you are even scared to answer text, its not that hard to pick up a phone and answer it. People carry their phones to bathroom these days. Heck, according to some research 9 out of 10 people do it. So they are literally almost always with us. So, in order for her not to respond in 10 hours, she would have to be:

a) extremely busy aka CEO of company levels busy

b) really not giving too much of a damn about wheher she responds or not

Your is not CEO of the company. So in your case, the answer is under b. You did almost came to 4th date. But her interest level is just not there. You would have to pick things like that early on so you wouldnt waste time. 

[NeedHelpBruhhh]

18 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Yes, from men she has no interest talking too. 

Think I talked about that here a long time ago, but, unless you are so introverted that you are even scared to answer text, its not that hard to pick up a phone and answer it. People carry their phones to bathroom these days. Heck, according to some research 9 out of 10 people do it. So they are literally almost always with us. So, in order for her not to respond in 10 hours, she would have to be:

a) extremely busy aka CEO of company levels busy

b) really not giving too much of a damn about wheher she responds or not

Your is not CEO of the company. So in your case, the answer is under b. You did almost came to 4th date. But her interest level is just not there. You would have to pick things like that early on so you wouldnt waste time. 

Ok thank you, it’s just so weird because she expressed so much interest in person and literally said yes to a 4th date and that she’d love to see me again. Not sure why she’s agree to a 4th date if she doesn’t want to 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, NeedHelpBruhhh said:

Ok thank you, it’s just so weird because she expressed so much interest in person and literally said yes to a 4th date and that she’d love to see me again. Not sure why she’s agree to a 4th date if she doesn’t want to 

Maybe she changed her mind.

[Kwothe28]

2 hours ago, NeedHelpBruhhh said:

Ok thank you, it’s just so weird because she expressed so much interest in person and literally said yes to a 4th date and that she’d love to see me again. Not sure why she’s agree to a 4th date if she doesn’t want to 

They always say they had a good time and that they would love to see you again. Its like a script that they read somewhere and now repeat it to every man they date. Whether they actually had a good time and would see you again, is up to a debate. Nobody knows but them. 

Also, Ive said her level of interest is not there, not that she wont have a 4th date. If she doesnt have anything else going on maybe she agrees. Just saying that you should set your expectations very low since her interest level isnt really there.

[MissCanuck]

8 hours ago, NeedHelpBruhhh said:

Not sure why she’s agree to a 4th date if she doesn’t want to 

Because a lot of people, especially younger ones who still lack life skills, don't have the courage to come out and say no. They don't want to hurt someone's feelings so they dance around it and hope the avoidance tactic will work in sending the message that they aren't interested. 

If she wanted to see you again, she'd be more responsive. I wouldn't keep trying to make this happen when she's giving you so little to work with. 

[Wiseman2]

14 hours ago, NeedHelpBruhhh said:

 I’ve been trying to set up a 4th date and despite her saying yes and she would love to see me 

Saying yes to another date is the most important thing. Don't worry about an awkward kiss. Let the dust settle and forget about it. If she's saying yes that's a good sign. Try not to judge by response times.

[Batya33]

Tell her you hope she feels better and absolutely a rain check is fine and to please let you know when she's free and you'll come up with a convenient time to meet.  Then leave ball in her court -do not text again.

[boltnrun]

So now she's saying she's sick again? I mean, I have had health issues since my early 20s so it is possible. But do you think she's really sick or do you think maybe she's dating some other guy?

[Kwothe28]

Moderation merged threads and my message got deleted lol

Anyway, if she has gone out with you on Valentines day, unless she had multiple dates on that day, dont think you have to worry about her not being interested.

But her organizational skills are abysmal. Canceling an hour before the date is not respecting your time at all.

Anyway, look at your dates like this: If they cancel but dont offer an alternative date and time, they are not interested. She did offer alternative date so you maybe have nothing to worry about. But again, she does not respect your time at all. 

[NeedHelpBruhhh]

38 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

So now she's saying she's sick again? I mean, I have had health issues since my early 20s so it is possible. But do you think she's really sick or do you think maybe she's dating some other guy?

Not sure, I know she has a weak immune system but she was fine last night and we were talking about our plans today then all of a sudden she texts me at 4:30am telling me she’s throwing up and she’ll see how she feels later before calling it off. She text me a few hours ago saying she called out of work today for the first Time in years but still hasn’t called it off.

She could easily just be telling stories but I’m not sure why she would enthusiastically agree to dates and talk about what we’ll do if she isn’t interested. 
 

she also told me a few weeks ago she hasn’t been to any form of doctor in years so she genuinely could have health problems haha 

 

[smackie9]

You need to look at what has transpired as a whole....slow to answer text messages, slow to want physical intimacy, awkwardness kissing, the many excuses to delay dates, can't seem to nail down a 4th date. Me personally wouldn't put up with this. I'd be moving on...so not worth it if it this difficult. 

[boltnrun]

My friend used to always say she had "cramps" or " a migraine" anytime she didn't want to go somewhere with our friend group. She didn't want to tell us she didn't want to go for some reason. 

I guess see if she reschedules and follows through.

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, NeedHelpBruhhh said:

she also told me a few weeks ago she hasn’t been to any form of doctor in years so she genuinely could have health problems haha 

That doesn't sound ha ha if she is indeed sick this often.  Dentist included??  I'd stop being so available to text her at all hours of the night.  Let her wonder where you are and who you are wit.

[NeedHelpBruhhh]

19 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

That doesn't sound ha ha if she is indeed sick this often.  Dentist included??  I'd stop being so available to text her at all hours of the night.  Let her wonder where you are and who you are wit.

Thank you for your answer; I didn’t text her right away since I was sleeping, she texted at 4:30am and I saw it when I woke up at 7. 
 

also I’m not being sarcastic but I genuinely don’t know, why should I purposely ignore her? I’ve never liked playing those texting games, I normally respond as soon as I’m available whether it’s 30 minutes or a few hours. 
 

also for what’s it’s worth when I first created the original post I stopped texting her and she ended up reaching back out to me around this Monday hence how we set up the date for today 

[gamon]

You're over complicating things.

If she cancels, then tell her you hope she feels better and to reach out to reschedule when she feels better.

Then leave her alone, the ball's in her court, you're not intentionally ignoring her or playing games, it's up to her what happens next, if anything.

Meanwhile go live your life.

 

[smackie9]

What you could be doing if it takes her over a week to plan anything is to keep your options open to other and go out on dates. Like I always say, keep your dance card full. 

[Batya33]

40 minutes ago, NeedHelpBruhhh said:

Thank you for your answer; I didn’t text her right away since I was sleeping, she texted at 4:30am and I saw it when I woke up at 7. 
 

also I’m not being sarcastic but I genuinely don’t know, why should I purposely ignore her? I’ve never liked playing those texting games, I normally respond as soon as I’m available whether it’s 30 minutes or a few hours. 
 

also for what’s it’s worth when I first created the original post I stopped texting her and she ended up reaching back out to me around this Monday hence how we set up the date for today 

Don’t play games. Text her “I’m enjoying our texting and I’m getting pretty busy as far as having time to text back and forth.  I look forward to seeing you when you feel better and getting to know you in person !  So let me know when you’re free and hopefully we can figure something out. I’m not ignoring you - just too busy to keep texting back and forth. Hope to see you soon!”

[NeedHelpBruhhh]

55 minutes ago, gamon said:

You're over complicating things.

If she cancels, then tell her you hope she feels better and to reach out to reschedule when she feels better.

Then leave her alone, the ball's in her court, you're not intentionally ignoring her or playing games, it's up to her what happens next, if anything.

Meanwhile go live your life.

 

Thanks I like this approach we will see what happens 

[NeedHelpBruhhh]

7 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Don’t play games. Text her “I’m enjoying our texting and I’m getting pretty busy as far as having time to text back and forth.  I look forward to seeing you when you feel better and getting to know you in person !  So let me know when you’re free and hopefully we can figure something out. I’m not ignoring you - just too busy to keep texting back and forth. Hope to see you soon!”

She just texted me back when I asked how she was feeling almost 16 hours later saying 

“I still feel really gross” 

“sorry I just saw this” 

 

is it essentially over for me here?

 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, NeedHelpBruhhh said:

 Is it essentially over for me here?

Sorry this is happening. Whatever her problem is, she doesn't seem stable enough to date at this time. 

Yes, step back and let her reach out rather than making plans that she keeps cancelling last minute.

[Batya33]

7 hours ago, NeedHelpBruhhh said:

She just texted me back when I asked how she was feeling almost 16 hours later saying 

“I still feel really gross” 

“sorry I just saw this” 

 

is it essentially over for me here?

 

I'd see- but do not "wait!" - if she texts when she feels better and asks to reschedule deal with it then.  I know when I am sick especially with cold symptoms I do not want to be around people and I can't gauge when I can make a plan involving in person and close contact.  

Don't wait don't text again.  Live your life.

[NeedHelpBruhhh]

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I'd see- but do not "wait!" - if she texts when she feels better and asks to reschedule deal with it then.  I know when I am sick especially with cold symptoms I do not want to be around people and I can't gauge when I can make a plan involving in person and close contact.  

Don't wait don't text again.  Live your life.

Another update, she started talking a bunch again. I told her let me know when she’s feeling better and we’ll set something up she said “definitely” and has been talking to me a bunch like she’s sent at least 5 messages straight so far and double texted me this morning.

I’ve yet to respond to any of them, last thing I said was “let me know when you’re feeling better and we’ll set something up”. I wasn’t expecting her to text so much, should I just leave them or respond back?

[boltnrun]

What is she texting about?