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Long time bf cheating for last 10 years

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So I have been together with my boyfriend for 10 years. I recently found out that he's cheated on me before he proposed to me and after we found out I was pregnant, I found a USB with photos and videos proving this and seen the dates they were made. I also seen that hes had an alternate facebook account with a different name where hes messaging other girls liking their photos and offering money for nude pictures, this account shows its been active for more than half our relationship. He asks for girls "onlyfans" and snapchats", im not allowed to half snap chat and I didnt even know he had one until i seen hes been doing this all behind my back. After we had 2 kids together hes still using this facebook account and wanting to hang out with other girls behind my back (According to these posts) im unsure how to tell him I know and was thinking.. "Do I have to tell him?". Im the only one working, paying all the bills on my own and he treats me like *** saying I never have time for the kids  (If i didnt need to work id be home with my kids all the time) he has low patience, calls the kids names and does the bare minimum around the house, never cooks, barely cleans, doesnt do groceries, complains if he has to watch the kids or do dirty diapers. He alsways goes in the bathroom with his phone, or will be on his phone in the middle of the night, but when im on my phone looking for a recipe or something hes acting like im doing something wrong..? ive never cheating on him or ever gave him reason to believe otherwise.  Ive never went through a break up especially now that we have kids. Has anyone else caught their spouse cheating and found out that its been going on for YEARS? how did you break it off?

and he'll say things like your the most beautiful person in the world, i don't want anyone else but you, (I keep my self fit and healthy, im active and activly groom myself) blah blah blah...why is he saying all this stuff if its not even true? if hes clearly looking or something else to keep him busy. im not good enough and my kids arent either.

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48 minutes ago, ***tysecrets said:

why is he saying all this stuff if its not even true?

What do you think he says to all the other women he is with? Its just a pick up line and something you say in a romance encounters, its not necesseraly truth. As you can see, its not truth in his case. 

Also, why did you accept somebody who doesnt work, pays bills or is nice with your kids? And why he isnt on the street already? You accepted the bare minimum of a man. Other then he probably is pretty since he goes around seducing women left and right. He should have been thrown out on the street way before you even found out about cheating. 

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So he's using money YOU earn to pay for OnlyFans? You pay for his phone that he uses to cheat on you?

By chance does he use drugs?

See an attorney about legal eviction and child custody. He may try to sue you for child support and even spousal support since you two are in a long term relationship. He may try to get some of your retirement/pension funds so ask the attorney about that too. Don't tell him you're doing this. Once you have all the information, serve him with an eviction notice. You're already paying for everything so getting him out will be like getting a raise since you won't have to support his leeching cheating butt anymore.

Then I recommend counseling so you can try to figure out why you thought this man was a good choice for you.

Oh, and if you have thoughts of "but I don't want to take their father away from my kids!!" you stated he sometimes treats them poorly. He can see an attorney about supervised visitation so they'll be safe if he wants to see them. Kids love their parents no matter how poorly they treat them, but that doesn't mean he should have free, unsupervised access to them. 

You can be strong for your kids, I know you can get through this. 

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15 hours ago, ***tysecrets said:

why is he saying all this stuff if its not even true?

Quite obviously because he wants to continue free-loading off you. You're his meal ticket. He butters you up just so that you continue putting a roof over his head. 

Even if he weren't cheating, he's an awful partner all around. This relationship needs to end, for your own sake but also for your kids. He verbally abuses them and that will stick with them forever. Get them away from him and start creating a healthier home environment. Do it for them if you're not strong enough to do it for yourself. 

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Take photos and print copies of everything, and I mean EVERYTHING.

Gather all the evidence you can of his cheating and record him when he's ***ty to the kids.

Take it all to a lawyer and file his eviction and for full custody.

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On 2/16/2023 at 9:28 AM, ***tysecrets said:

im unsure how to tell him I know and was thinking.. "Do I have to tell him?".

Nope. I wouldn't bother. I'd make my exit plan, and I'd carry it out without even 'splaining a thing to him beyond notice that he'll be hearing from my lawyer.

I'd create my plan with the help of legal aid or a lawyer or a close friend or family member, and maybe with advice from a domestic violence prevention counselor. You can find such a counselor at your local hospital or on their referral.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Love please let me tell you that you are way to precious to be putting your sel fthrough this crap. And you and only you uar eallowing this to keep happening. First and for most you need to tell him that you know an dyou also need to tell himto get his crap and get the hell out. You rigjt now are living as a single parent and aere doing it all along as it is, so why keep the extra baggage, at this point in your life you have no need for him, you clean, cook, take care of kids, work, pay all the bills while he uses you and feeds you lines of bull crap just to keep you hooked so you dont leave. Him juping all over you cause your on your phone is because he knows he is doing this wrong and thats his concirnce getting to him. A cheater will blame you while they are doing the cheating, on top of the lies and BS crap of how your beautiful and only wants you mean while he is tellign everyother woman is with the same crap and sleeping with them then coming back to you. Come on queen you have to now you are worth so much more then that. Why are you allowing a nasty dog to do that to you. Who care syou have kids, you stay witrh someone that is that maniputlative just becaue you have kids. Do you want them grwoing up thining that show their mother should be treeated and dont no if they are boys or girls. BUt if boys they see their dad doing that crap and they think thats how they should treat  woman and kids when they have them or for gilrs to think its okay for man to treat them the same way. You have got to want better for your self and the kids. Get rid of the trash and you an dthe kids will be so much happier. I promise i have been there and love the new me. wish you luck 

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