can you get PTSD from marriage?

[Xylianne]

My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years but we have been together for over 15 years. I have noticed my husband is changing in the last 2-3 years: he is so negative and can't find anything positive to say ever, judgmental, overbearing, complains all the time, self-absorbed, extremely anxious. We both work from home and consistently around each other. He is not verbally or physically abusive. However there has been no romance at all in our lives for years. We have no children. When mentioned a few weeks ago, he does not want to go to marriage counseling. He went on a trip for about 2 weeks and without him here, I realized I started suffering from symptoms of PTSD. Is this possible? I had a very scary childhood and on anti-anxiety meds. I fear since he and I seem to be changing as people that this marriage may not work out anymore. I really enjoyed the time apart. What should I do? Any realistic advice on this would be appreciated.

[Kwothe28]

5 hours ago, Xylianne said:

I realized I started suffering from symptoms of PTSD. Is this possible?

Unless he is an absive spouse, no. You are not a Vietnam veteran and you have not suffered trauma beyond imagination, you just have a bad non- functioning marriage like probably a lot of them in todays time. 

If both of you are not willing to work on it, and you say that marriage doesnt work, file for divorce.

 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Xylianne said:

. I have noticed my husband is changing in the last 2-3 years: he is so negative and can't find anything positive to say ever, judgmental, overbearing, complains all the time, self-absorbed, extremely anxious. 

What happened 3 years ago? Sadly you both seem miserable. Are either of you having extramarital relationships? Do either of you use prescription or other substances such as alcohol to cope?

The best thing you can do is get an evaluation of your physical and mental health from a physician. Get some tests done. Ask for a referral to a qualified therapist. Review your anxiety symptoms and medications. Get an appropriate diagnosis and treatment.

Unfortunately your husband seems as unhappy as you are but is withdrawing and not open to salvaging the marriage. 

Talk to an attorney privately and confidentiality to discuss what your options are in the event of divorce.

Since he seems resistant to improving himself, his mental health or your marriage, you'll have to consider all the other options.

[MissCanuck]

What you are describing does not sound like PTSD, but rather an unhappy marriage. 

You are realizing that you may be happier without him. Perhaps talk to a lawyer and see what your options are if you want to leave the marriage. 

[SooSad33]

12 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Unless he is an absive spouse, no. You are not a Vietnam veteran and you have not suffered trauma beyond imagination, you just have a bad non- functioning marriage like probably a lot of them in todays time. 

One can end up with PTSD, without being a war veteran.  It's from experiencing trauma. Either from one extreme experience or from numerous.  I've got PTSD from a traumatic childhood.

 

18 hours ago, Xylianne said:

I have noticed my husband is changing in the last 2-3 years: he is so negative and can't find anything positive to say ever, judgmental, overbearing, complains all the time, self-absorbed, extremely anxious. We both work from home and consistently around each other. He is not verbally or physically abusive. However there has been no romance at all in our lives for years.

It sounds like you two are just miserable around each other now 😕 . And he's become a 'grumpy 'ol man'.  Full of negatives and is laying it on you.

Is terrible to have to experience this all of the time - no breaks, due to you both working from home.

Can you not get out now & then..hang with friends, go see family etc?

If this is how your life is now with him.. is possibly best, for your own well being to ask him to seriously shape up or ship out.. especially if it is affecting you in a negative way. ( you are on anxiety meds... and if in therapy keep on it, or start it?).

 

[Betterwithout]

18 hours ago, Xylianne said:

 I realized I started suffering from symptoms of PTSD. Is this possible? I had a very scary childhood and on anti-anxiety meds. 

Sorry to hear of this.
It's quite possible that your PTSD is instead a result of your very scary childhood.  
Your marriage is another matter.

I would try two more times (try to find a calm moment together to broach the subject)
to ask him to go to marriage counselling.  If he says no two more times, then start calling lawyers about steps towards divorce.  You both need to fight for the marriage, not just one of you.

[Kwothe28]

35 minutes ago, SooSad33 said:

One can end up with PTSD, without being a war veteran.  It's from experiencing trauma. Either from one extreme experience or from numerous.  I've got PTSD from a traumatic childhood.

 

Keyword is "traumatic". She doesnt have traumatic marriage. She maybe has dull and bad marriage. But not traumatic as her husband(as far as we know) doesnt abuse her. So no, she cant have PTSD from dull marriage. As she didnt have a significant trauma within that marriage. 

We are talking about individual case here. Not that she cant have PTSD from certain events.

[Cherylyn]

How about marriage counseling? 

My mother has PTSD from her horrific childhood, teen years and her late husband (my father) was a chain smoking, heavily in debt ($400K in today's money), alcoholic wife beater who punched my mother's teeth out multiple times.  He also left his wife and 3 children with nary saying good-bye.  I woke up one morning and he was gone.  Just like that.  He never paid a penny towards child support.  She worked 3 jobs 7 days a week to put food on the table.  I hardly ever saw her. 

[indea08]

I can understand how going 2-3 years without any emotional support or connection from your spouse would feel traumatizing. Internalizing emotions when you don’t have that support to lean on can be very mentally and emotionally damaging.

What sort of things did you experience while he was away that concern you?

What was your husband’s response when you shared your feelings with him? Does he acknowledge the relationship is not currently healthy?

How ready are you to really consider leaving?

[smackie9]

He doesn't want to go to counseling but you can. I suggest you start seeking out professional help so you can have a clearer mind when making decisions in what to do with your present situation.  

[Seraphim]

More than likely trauma from childhood is exacerbated by an unhappy marriage. I would seek trauma therapy and if you are truly out of options for your marriage you can leave . 

[Cherylyn]

10 hours ago, Seraphim said:

More than likely trauma from childhood is exacerbated by an unhappy marriage. I would seek trauma therapy and if you are truly out of options for your marriage you can leave . 

@Seraphim Yes, ^ ^ ^ ^   this is my mother.  Whenever she discusses her hellacious past,  it always circles back to her traumatic childhood / teen years and then she'll rehash horrors committed courtesy of her late husband ~ in that order.  Not a day goes by where she isn't haunted by her nightmarish memories.   Her only relief is feeling safe due to dead perpetrators.  She tells me they're all burning in hell now.  She calls them "a bag of bones."  💀 ☠️

[Seraphim]

8 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

@Seraphim Yes, ^ ^ ^ ^   this is my mother.  Whenever she discusses her hellacious past,  it always circles back to her traumatic childhood / teen years and then she'll rehash horrors committed courtesy of her late husband ~ in that order.  Not a day goes by where she isn't haunted by her nightmarish memories.   Her only relief is feeling safe due to dead perpetrators.  She tells me they're all burning in hell now.  She calls them "a bag of bones."  💀 ☠️

She might better be served by EMDR . I did that therapy and have almost no emotional attachment to much of my abuse anymore . It happened and it’s there but I don’t think of it 99% of the time anymore and if I do meh most of the time don’t care . 

[Cherylyn]

2 hours ago, Seraphim said:

She might better be served by EMDR . I did that therapy and have almost no emotional attachment to much of my abuse anymore . It happened and it’s there but I don’t think of it 99% of the time anymore and if I do meh most of the time don’t care . 

Thank you @Seraphim .  She wouldn't accept "help" from professionals in a million years.  It's not her way nor will it ever.  ☹️

[sislee20]

you most certainly can get PTSD from any thing it doesnt  just have to be from being in the armed forces by any means. PTSD comes from alot of things and i didnt know this until i left a bad marriage and eneded up going to counceling and they are the ones who pointed out that i have PTSD from years of many bad things in my ex marriage but any ways have you tried talkng to him about the conerns you are having? 

 What did you like about the time alone?

[Seraphim]

https://www.brainline.org/article/dsm-5-criteria-ptsd
Here is the criteria for PTSD.