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Not responding my message

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Hello, I've been getting to know this girl at work more on the last 3 months, I started to feel affection for her and have been lucky of starting to have more interaction with her because of an iternal restructure at work.

Earlier this week at work I invited her to go to watch a movie next week, she accepted and seemed enthusiastic about it, so I told her I'd message her next week to check details, etc.

In the middle of the week I thought about buying the tickets this week to avoid not finding good seats next week, so I messaged her after work hours (we both are working from home the rest of the week) to tell her about it, propose a time and check if it worked for her.

First I just sent her a normal greet (hi, how are you, etc.) which she replied after like an hour, then I told her what I wrote above and she hasnt replied yet.

I don't know how to proceed here, on one hand I don't know if I she felt pressured or uncomfortable about this nor want to make her feel that way if I message her again.

What I've thought is wait until I get to interact with her again, be it online or in person (in person would be in two weeks) and casually ask her about it.

Also I will continue to see her more and interact in person so that's why I would not like to overwhelm her through messages.

Would like to hear some advice/insight on this.


For context we had some good interactions before and was looking to get to know her more.

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Dont buy tickets until you get a confirmation of the date.

Also, I am sorry but this one is probably a dud. When they are enthusiastic they will at least answer a message, confirm a date or alternatively offer some other one. Because they would genuinly want to get out with you. When they are not, this is what you get. Answering when they remember you exist and low key ghosting and not answering about the date.

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She probably thought it was just a friends night out, but had time to realize it was more like a date kinda thing and now she’s pretty much avoiding you. I doubt she’s interested in you that way. And yes don’t chase her down. You already asked her so the ball is now in her court. 

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7 hours ago, Johnlion91 said:

 I invited her to go to watch a movie next week, she accepted and seemed enthusiastic about it. 

 then I told her what I wrote above and she hasnt replied yet.

The good news is you asked her out and she accepted. Try to relax. People don't have to reply to texts ASAP. When it's closer to next week, ask which day is best for her but don't buy advance tickets or overwhelmed.

Next time try to think of something less complicated such as just a coffee/drink/casual meal. Needing tickets etc makes this more complicated and movies aren't a great first date idea, since it limits conversation and could come off as things friends do together.

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Thanks for all the replies, it really helped me.

So far no reply but I'm not anxious to message her, I'll ask her next week when we are in the office together and continue to be a gentleman with her and enjoy the interaction.

Wish you all a happy Valentines day!

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It's hard to work with the unknown in the early stages of dating with ghosting being so prevalent. It's easy fall into the analysis of "what ifs" For some, it starts to consume your every thought when you feel there is a strong connection and you really dig the other person.
Just be prepared for the wind direction to change one way or the other.  

In the meantime, stay busy with your own life and next week when you are in the office together be your best self and fun and confident.

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14 hours ago, Johnlion91 said:

Update, got the chance to have a call with her on Teams, she mentioned going to the movies or doing something for my birthday, told her I sent her a message and she was embarrassed because she havent added me and forgot about it.

Everything was cool and she proposed to go next week when in the office either with the rest of the team or just the two of us, also it was cool to keep in touch with the call and talked about other stuff besides work.

I have been thinking about why she didn’t text you right away when you asked her out. I had a crush on a coworker last year. He often showed signs of interest and that’s why on day I decided to ask him out. He replied he couldn’t make it on that day and he didn’t propose another time that would fit him better. ( i have been posting about this story on this forum, you can find it on my profile) I still work with him on a regular basis, he is still showing interest in me, like being curious about my life, always being the first one to propose when I need someone to help me at work, but I came to the conclusion that he isn’t interested in trying something with me for whatever reason. And now it’s completely fine. If he would have asked me out, I would have replied right away without hesitation, and I surely wouldn’t have suggested we go with the team. in my opinion, your coworker isn’t really interested in dating you but neither wants to make it awkward by saying no. She tries to keep it light, like a friendship, to make you understand there is nothing more to be expected. You work together regularly and she might no want to create a hostile environment, the reason why she displays a nonchalant behavior towards you. 
My coworker made it clear he didn’t want to date me by not taking it further. Two weeks ago, we have been working together again, and we had a good time. Joking, laughing and just keeping it light. I think he knew that time that I was interested in him, and had the best behavior by not taking the risk to take things further or make me believe there was something more. I’m thankful to him for that and now we enjoy each others company even more, as coworkers.

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  • 1 month later...

Just updating on this, after that week got few days to see her as we are only on the office 2 days every 2 weeks because of some road blocks on the city.

The second to last week from February got some good interactions with the girl and got to learn more about her when given the chance, she seems eager to talk so that's good and on the last 2 hours before finishing work had a good deep talk about life stuff, career etc. very fluid and time went by fast, both were very into the talk.

Got the chance to interact a little more with her on the next week as the whole team had to go to the office for another 2 days, this time was good as I felt she had the chance to see how I interacted with the other girls from the team, as I get along with them too and she could see that my persona is authentic and not only I'm acting nice to her becuase of interest but because it's my true nature.

Now the last 2 days I saw her at the office were on March 6th and 7th, monday was a very good opportunity to interact one on one for the day as my boss wasn't on the office, in the morning it was small chat as we were both busy but still got to talk a little more during breakfast but that day at lunch is where the best interaction has took place, we talked about life, family, school, career perspectives for +1.5 hours and the talk seemed to continue even more but then some other girls form other team joined the talk so the interaction continued now in a group talk (which was good by the way, agian I get along with those girls too).

I felt really comfortable during that long lunch talk and again the convo flew very nice, she was very talkative too and learned more about her personal life, etc. also got comfortable talking with her about those topics too, she told me about how she really likes to do calm stuff instead of party hard but feels some people think she is more of a party girl.

The day after it didn't have much chance to talk as we were both busy but I think she felt I was being distant as I felt her a little strange during the day, I fear I came out as distant but I was really busy too so I didn't want to interrupt nor distract from my work.

Sadly after that week it was anounced we are returning to work from home during 3 weeks which means I'll probably see her until mid April.

I saw her a last time during some integration day from the company but as we were doing some activity with other people I didn't want to come desesperate for her attention so only greeted her a couple of time when we crossed paths, again felt like she became a little distraught by this and maybe I came out as distant again.

That same day got the chance to talk with her very little in an after party with people from our department and when I left the party I was still feeling like I was looking distant and was a little shy about saying goodbye to her so I got close to the group of people she was talking with and wave my hand saying goodbye but she got close and kissed me in the cheek and gave me a little hug 🙂

This last week I only interacted with her once on a call to help her with some stuff, so it is irrelevant but there is still good attitude.

Hope to have more interactions when we come back to the office, to build more rapport and ask her out, so far when we were able to interact in a more comfortable way the talks have been very good and I enjoy her company, not sure if she will like to go out but I think it will not be abrupt nor weird to invite her for a coffee.

Wish me luck peeps, I'll update as soon as I get to catch up with her.

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