Total embarrassment (this might be funny reading)

[GuiltyAsCharged]

I have a crystal clear vision about what kind of a person I would want to be, and how I would want others to see me as. The most important qualities are maturity, security (lack of insecurity),being empathic, not being egotistical or a braggart and over-all being a respectable individual.

 

By reading alot of self-improvement books I have become even more self-conscious as these books always convince that some act is totally stupid and the person who would do that act would be the lowest form of life. For example in Without Embarrassment the author writes "Boys are foolish jokers. Men are humoristic. Boys are tolerated. Men are respected" which causes me huge pain if I ever do anything even mildly goofy and for some reason I act goofy very often, I can't help it, so basically I'm in great pain daily. We're not talking about normal self-consciousness here, if I watch a movie and there's a character in it that is acting in an embarrassing way, I can feel great shame even from that. Even if it's fictional character. Some people cause me to nearly physically vomit when they act against my strong values.

 

Now yesterday I again did everything that was totally against my values and the resulting humongous amounts of shame, guilt, regret and embarrassment are simply killing me. I was drinking with my friends and during the evening I:

-urinated in public

-made embarrassing sexual advances

-bragged about "Almost having gotten laid" to my friend on the phone when I had merely kissed and grouped some drunken chick

-bragged about my "girlfriend" who I have only dated for a short time and said to various people how I'm totally going to have sex with her. I then mocked my friends about not being such "total studs" like me

-bragged to a girl about the size of my wang (falsely)

-tried to act as a machmaker between a friend of mine and my older sister

-littered and broke bottles

-talked about my most guarded and private secrets to exactly those people who should never have found out about them

-was an overall loudmouthed obnoxious fool

-did just about all things that could be considered immature, irresponsible and dumb, in front of many many people

 

Any suggestions on how to deal with this shame? I can't just laugh it off as I really did stuff that was totally irresposible.

[DN]

The good part about all this is that you are embarrassed. That shows that you have enough maturity to learn from your mistakes and enough intelligence not to repeat them. Don't beat yourself up too much - I doubt there are many people who have not done stuff similar to that at some point in their lives. It's all part of the maturing process. Some people never grow out of that - but it sounds as if you already are.

[annie24]

Hi - It's ok - You'll laugh at it someday. I know that I've had my share of stupid drunken acts and comments. Now you know that you shouldn't drink that much, because then you'll do stupid stuff. Don't get so down on yourself - chances are most of your friends don't remember what you said either.

[Mysterious Gurl]

Yeah I agree with DN on this. Eventually you will be able to laugh it off though.

 

Miya

[GuiltyAsCharged]

Thanks for all the replies, but to me these self-conscious emotions don't do the job. They should make my behaviour better, but the fear of these emotions is actually the number one cause of my stupid acts. Also, I think there is great asynchrony in my development. Intellectually I am very aware of things and understand well how I should act and what should I be like, but most of the time I can't act nearly as smartly than I would have the potential to. This causes tremendous stress. The thing is that I can't enjoy daily life as I experience so much pain from not living up to my values and that pain also causes it's own dysfuctional behaviour.

 

And then as I bragged about how I'm going to have sex with my gf and even gave people an exact day on when it was going to happen, I now have to listen to my friends questions about the issue

[pchellak]

I have had some pretty bad experiences with alcohol as well. It was mostly when i was in the univ. I've gotten into fights with random guys when i got totally drunk. I've tried to jump out of moving cars, I've salivated (not literally) over hot friends and other things i would rather not talk about here.

At some point i was so embarrassed about all this that i became the designated driver for all my friends (my atonement But that experience has made me a better person now, i will never get drunk in my life again.

[Liquidius]

It looks like you are focusing too much time on trying to be someone that you aren't. The evening you spoke about was a slip up, you were drunk, and you're 16. You have the rest of your life to be mature, so dont beat yourself up so much. This whole self improvement thing takes time you know

 

Perhaps you are setting the goalposts too high - thereforeeee failing your personal values and goals which in turn causes you to act in a way you dont like. Try making your goals a bit smaller, and improve a bit at a time. That way you'll feel positive about what you are acheiving.

[sillyme666]

You did go over the edge and did things which were off the limits but you are being a bigger peson and accepting what you did and ashamed of it. But dont be remorseful about it. Just remember it as a mistake which you did when you were drunk so it will be a lesson for you in future. But dont you regret it. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss cheer up and move on.

[valenski]

Sounds like you hell of time to me rather than being or uptight, rigid, conformed self. Maybe you should drink more, not to become an alcoholic but just to loosen up. I think self help literature is just an auther trying to force his or her lifestyle upon the reader, there is nothing wrong with humour or acting ridiculous from time to time ask your friends, they'll tell you that that's the most fun you've been.

[Iceman26]

I think self help literature is just an auther trying to force his or her lifestyle upon the reader, there is nothing wrong with humour or acting ridiculous from time to time ask your friends, they'll tell you that that's the most fun you've been.

 

I agree, and would also add that most of them are just trying to make a quick buck.

 

Theres nothing wrong with what you did man, you are 16. Just keeping working hard at the type of person you want to be and it will be so.