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Why does she keep inviting her friends


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So I met this girl a little bit ago. She’s sweet nice and a lot of fun. We have gone out 3 times already, but then we stopped and now we are talking about hanging out again.

after our first time hanging out, she has started to make our outings with more people. Last time it was with her work colleagues. 

then she wanted to go on this double date thing that got cancelled. 
Last weekend we planned to hang out, she changed it at the last minute and asked if we could go somewhere with her sister and brother. She said we can bail after. I said no problem but that needed up getting cancelled also and rescheduled for tomorrow. 
she said she felt bad about canceling so she wants to take me out. I said sure, now she’s telling me about it being a group event. 
I asked if I minded, I said no. 
but I’m confused why she keeps doing this. 
 

if she wasn’t interested, I don’t know why she reached out out to me. We stopped talking for a while and she reached out to me. I was honest and told her my intentions and if she has a boyfriend this isn’t a good idea. She said she didn’t so we planned to hangout again. 
 

but know she’s doing this again. 
our first 2 dates alone went great. We had a great time. I thought she did anyway. We basically was together till way after the sun rose. 
 

why does she want to make our activists, group events? 

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You've been out with her enough times to ask her directly "why do you invite other people along when you and I make plans?"  Depending on how she reacts certainly tell her it's not that you dislike these other people but for you it changes the dynamic.

My sense is she's decided she's not that into you romantically, after all but she is not sure so this way there's less pressure than being alone.  I'd be frustrated too

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I actually think that she does like you and is interested in you romantically.

She wants to show you off.  She wants to show her friends and coworkers this great new guy she found.

She also, unfortunately, is "girl who can't be alone".  She will always be inviting people, as she needs to be surrounded.

This is who she is.  She will maybe ask you once in a while if you mind if someone else joins, and you'll say that yes, you do mind, so you'll spend one night alone with her.  And then, she'll do it again.  You will never have a one-on-one relationship with her, because that's not who she is.

She's a "group" person.  She may not be for you.  It wouldn't work for me, as I've been there, and I had to walk away.

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Tell her that you prefer 1:1 dates without group settings.  If she prefers both 1:1 dates and group settings, perhaps you can compromise where you can have some 1:1 dates and other times, be lumped together in groups.  If a compromise isn't doable for both of you, she prefers socializing in groups instead of 1:1 exclusivity.  Either go along with it or date a woman who will be with you 1:1 the majority of time or all the time.

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To me it actually also sounds like maybe she's not that into you or she's friend zoning you. How old are you guys? When I was in my late teens I began to get dates for the first time but I suffered from anxiety and was very nervous. I was also inexperienced at dating so I didn't really know what the rules or expectations were.

I felt so nervous about going on the dates that sometimes I did actually bring a female friend along to my dates. And really I shouldn't have been doing that also because she was single and pretty 🤦‍♀️ lol Sometimes I also asked if my date could bring a male friend and I could bring my female friend and have a double date. I only did this until I was probably about 20 or so, at which point I had built up my confidence and also realised that I shouldn't be bringing other people on my dates lol

The only thing in your case is that this girl did go on the first 2 - 3 dates just you and her. If she was really nervous I would have thought she'd have brought someone with her on those first dates. The first few dates are usually the most nerve wracking. The fact that she came on the dates alone at first but is now bringing other people seems weird.

I agree that if she's not interested in you romantically then she should let you know that. If she's not into you she should either stop catching up with you or say she just wants to be friends or whatever she's thinking.

My guess is she's friend zoned you but is open to being friends. So she's bringing other people along to show that it's not really a date but just a hang out. Actually this just made me think how my male friend went on three dates with this girl but she brought her sister along on one of the dates. And after the third date she said she wasn't interested in him lol

Personally if I was you,  I wouldn't be catching up with this girl and all the other people. Unless you're looking for new friends this seems like a waste of time for you. I mean, you like this girl and want to actually date her. It's not really dating if you're never alone with her. Unless she's bringing female friends you like or her sister is cute lol

I definitely think you should just ask this girl directly what she's looking for and why she's inviting all the other people.

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Ask her out on a date.  No "lets hang out", ask her to dinner or drinks then dinner at a specific place and time.  If she says yes but then tries to invite other people or change it into a group thing simply tell her you want to spend time alone with her to get to know her better and that is really hard in a group setting.

See what she says. Basically ask for what you want and if you don't get it then you need to rethink spending any more time on this woman.

Lost

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4 hours ago, Alittlehelpplz said:

if she wasn’t interested, I don’t know why she reached out out to me.

Attention. For the people who are not narcissists or crave attention, its difficult to understand. But the people who crave attention, would do anything for it. Yours for example looks like she has FOMO(fear of missing out). For example she can go out with you 1 on 1. But then she would miss out on all the other things her brother or her friends do. She must be there as it "feeds" her ego and she doesnt want to miss things.

Your feelings dont matter there. You are just a tool to get to the finish line. Maybe she likes you, maybe she doesnt, but she needs somebody there and you are convinient. Somebody that she can present in a social setting when she needs to. But that is about it, nothing more. Heck I wouldnt even be surprised if she just wants to appear to have somebody. To make somebody else jealous.

Again, its hard for anyone to understand if they didnt encountered somebody with narcissism. And it makes people who think "normally" very confused by that kind of behavior. Because we are not wired to think in that way. To us if somebody wants to get out with us it means that they really want to spend time with us. But people like that think in way other direction then us. I hope I am not right. But from what you said, think this is the classic case of it.

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2 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

How old are you both? 

Bringing along third parties usually means you are Friend-zoned and she's throwing in a buffer to avoid any romantic overtures from you. Ask her why she is doing this. But to me, it's not a great sign. 

29 and 33 ages. 

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4 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

So, way too old to be asking friends to tag along on dates. 

I agree- when I was in that age range and we started dating people we did eventually want the person to meet our friends.  Sometimes early on if someone happened to be in town and of course dependent on geography/schedule.  But it was that sort of plan "hey-I'd love for you to meet my friend and her SO"or "my friends have a monthly game night and I think it would be a great way for you to meet them since you like those games too" -it was put as a compliment, a next step, not just "oh I invited so and so as well.

It also depends on your temperament.  If I make one on one plans to meet a good friend I do not want to hear right before or show up and see other people there.  It's awkward and especially if  I had stuff I really wanted to talk about -then I can't.  I had a huge argument with an ex boyfriend because we planned a one on one dinner at his place -he knew I was tired from work and needed to veg and last minute his sister and friends wanted to join and there was pressure on me to accept.  But others might be like the more the merrier. 

This is why I suggested simply asking her -being direct -and finding out why she is behaving this way.  Good luck!

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12 hours ago, Alittlehelpplz said:

our first 2 dates alone went great. We had a great time. 

Are you planning specific one-on-one dates in advance? It seems like she's doing all the planning and asking lately. While it's fun to meet each other's friends, you may have to step up and set up a specific one-on-one date. If she declines consider that she may be moving you to the friendzone.

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5 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Have to ask....why are you not the one firmly planning the dates? If you keep saying yes to her planned group outings, she's going to think you are OK with it. 

Especially when she asks if you're OK with it and you keep saying yes!

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To me it sounds like she's using other people as a buffer on your dates. Does she just think you're a friend or do you two actually call these hang outs dates? Does she even know its an actual date? I would definitely bring this up to her and say "Lets do something just you and me." next time, or something like that. Is she an extrovert? Some extroverts dont see anything wrong with this because they are so outgoing and such people persons that they are always surrounded by people. 

But I do think she's using them as a buffer, meaning she may like when the attention is off of her and theres other people to interact with so its not awkward. Does she feel safe around you? Some women bring friends on dates as a safety issue. 

What she is doing is a bit bizarre though.

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6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you planning specific one-on-one dates in advance? It seems like she's doing all the planning and asking lately. While it's fun to meet each other's friends, you may have to step up and set up a specific one-on-one date. If she declines consider that she may be moving you to the friendzone.

I’m initially asking for the dates. She just adjust them. 
I had an original plan for our date, she changed it to hanging with her sister then her and I leaving to do something else 

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She isn't interested.

 

You're a empty space filler..

She may have trust and private issues 

She doesn't want to be alone with you.

Stop entertaining and responding to her.

 

Block And delete her.

 

Find someone who's interested and wants to spend time with you alone

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On 2/2/2023 at 5:42 AM, Alittlehelpplz said:

I’m initially asking for the dates. She just adjust them. 
I had an original plan for our date, she changed it to hanging with her sister then her and I leaving to do something else 

But it doesn't make sense why the sister also has to come. Also if even the "dates" with other people keep getting cancelled then it doesn't seem she's that interested in you. But at that age she shouldn't be going out with you if she's not interested and should let you know. Also if you asked just her to go out then it's rude to invite other people. Even if I was catching up with just a platonic friend but they brought someone else I don't even know, I would feel a bit funny about it. If I invited that person to hang out then I want to see just them and not other people.

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