Am I overthinking this or should I be concerned.

[UHydr]

My partner(35F) and I(27M)have been dating for almost a year now and things are going great. We’ve had a few bumps but that’s all normal but we are generally good and stable. She is a mum and I’m a man with no children. That part is all good as we have both discussed this and known this before we even got together and the child’s father is not an active parent but still is around but doesn’t directly intervene in our relationship. One day as we were doing our regular meet ups she came quiet annoyed as her and her child’s father had an argument. We spoke about and kept it moving. The next day she was going out with her child’s father’s, mum and sister as she still actively speaks to them and has a good relationship with them. Even though they didn’t directly speak he still ended up annoying her again by using their child to indirectly get at her which made her annoyed again and we had to speak about it again. As we’ve spoken about having a life together and kids and so forth I brought up the idea about limiting interactions with her partner’s family and mainly keep it about their child so we can move on and our future won’t be stuck around potential drama that I don’t need. She doesn’t want to limit interaction with the mum and sister as she says they are her friends. What should I do? am I overthinking this and should forget about it, or should we have a serious talk about how we move forward for our future as I personally have no problems with them still interacting for their child but for her I was thinking best we just keep things to the kids. 

[Wiseman2]

17 minutes ago, UHydr said:

. She is a mum and I’m a man with no children. she was going out with her child’s father’s, mum and sister as she still actively speaks to them and has a good relationship with them. 

They are the child's grandmother and aunt so in this case they'll be in the child's life. Unfortunately it's best not to try to manage her coparenting or arrangements with the child's other relatives. As far as her complaining about the father, limit how much you'll listen. This is for her to work out.

[Batya33]

No it's not your place at all since the kids are involved.  It's awesome for the kids to have a good relationship with their grandmother and aunt.  They will likely be there if you two want to take a child-free vacation and can probably help with some of the child care if not all.  It takes a village.  She doesn't seem to want to be with the father so no jealousy needed.  This is her issue to work out and I'd stay out of it.  She's a package deal.  If the father is rude to you that's a different story of course.

[Kwothe28]

Well, you chosed to date a single mom. All the things you put on here, dealing with the kids father, complaining about him, his family involvment, all comes in terms of service. At least with single woman without kids, you can be at least suspicious about the interaction with an ex or his family. But with single mom, she kinda needs to keep that interactions for the kid sake. You would rarely get a clean slate where the father is just not there. And even if you do they will probably have a problem and complain once in a while. 

Its way harder way of dating as there is no validity in you asking her to cut communications except if that communication passes some good taste(for example if she wants baby daddy back or the other way around). For everything else, sorry, you are the 3rd wheel there. That is why its way harder to date single moms. You cant expect her to prioritize you in a situation where she has a kid with somebody and has to interact with people for the kid. 

[catfeeder]

It makes no sense to believe that you can join a family and then decide you can start changing that family.

Respect the family.

[MissCanuck]

You are over-stepping here, OP. 

It sounds like she's doing a good job making sure the child has a solid relationship with her grandmother and aunt. She's a fundamental part of that so it makes no sense to try to disrupt her good rapport with them. They aren't the problem anyway. 

She is is right on this one. Don't try to meddle here. 

[UHydr]

Thanks everyone thus far for the input, appreciate it. I’m generally an over-thinker so this has been a good way to get grounding on the situation and with everyone’s input it shows that I have overstepped my mark; so I now know to just respectfully mind my business but still support where possible.

[Batya33]

1 minute ago, UHydr said:

Thanks everyone thus far for the input, appreciate it. I’m generally an over-thinker so this has been a good way to get grounding on the situation and with everyone’s input it shows that I have overstepped my mark; so I now know to just respectfully mind my business but still support where possible.

I’d support by letting her take the lead with her kids and how she chooses to interact with their dad and her kids grandmother and Aunt. I’d avoid giving too much input even if asked - more supportive to show her boundaries so she realizes you are too biased and she should seek input from others - maybe even a counselor. 

[Lambert]

Yes, you did overstep your place.  But you also are allowed to decide for yourself that this is too much drama for you.  Being that you don't have kids and don't have to compromise with anyone, it's fine if that's how you want your life to be.  It's just not something you can change in another person.  

[UHydr]

I never really have input tbh which is not even my place realistically. I was mainly just wanting advice on this situation in general. It has never bothered me before tbh, it’s just this time where things were just uneven. I’m mentally good with it all and will still listen but I’m going to take y’all advice and limit my input as normally she asks me what I think. 

2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I’d support by letting her take the lead with her kids and how she chooses to interact with their dad and her kids grandmother and Aunt. I’d avoid giving too much input even if asked - more supportive to show her boundaries so she realizes you are too biased and she should seek input from others - maybe even a counselor. 

[Coily]

It really sounds like her asking you "what you think;"  is more to see if you are giving her undivided attention, rather than valuing your opinion. Which honestly is why there is that trope of "What ever you think is fine honey;" comes from.  Personally I would get tired of being used as an emotional tampon in this circumstance, but that's just me.

As long as you are walking into this with open eyes then more power to you.

[Jibralta]

19 hours ago, UHydr said:

As we’ve spoken about having a life together and kids and so forth I brought up the idea about limiting interactions with her partner’s family and mainly keep it about their child so we can move on and our future won’t be stuck around potential drama that I don’t need.

It sounds more like interactions with the father are causing trouble. Is she willing to limit interaction with him? Maybe she can see the mom and sister without him. 

[UHydr]

Well in all honesty she doesn’t even see the father at all. The communication is only over phone. But I have taken everyone’s advice and will refrain from interfering in this situation going forward as everything else is generally good with us. Thanks everyone