Cynder Posted January 29 Share Posted January 29 I've been looking for a part time job just to help out with bills in the off season. I work full time in a health club and I also work at festivals. But since festival season doesn't start for a few months, I am looking for a way to make more money. (Disclaimer, this is not a thread asking for advice on job hunting or money management. I am just providing some background on this situation.) The owner of a local bar works out at the club and she told me to come in and apply there. So I'm planning on doing that on Monday. I was talking to my boyfriend about it about an hour ago and he asked what I would be doing. I told him they would probably put me in the kitchen since I have experience as a prep cook. And I said I doubt they would put me behind the bar since I don't really have the look for it. My BF has told me multiple times that I shouldn't put myself down like that. But to me it's not putting myself down. It's just being realistic. I have never seen a bar tender who wasn't drop dead gorgeous. That's a big part of the job. Being hot and flirting with customers sells drinks. I told him I'm just not the kind of pretty they are looking for. He was mildly annoyed with this. I used to refer to myself as ugly. I don't do that anymore. I think of myself now as not conventionally attractive. I have naturally curly hair that is long and wild and it's currently a mix of green, blue and purple. I am heavily tattooed, too. I know having tattoos and colored hair are my choice. I decided if I was going to be unattractive I will at least be unique looking and unattractive instead of plain and unattractive. The things that are beyond my control are the things I really don't like about myself. My eyes are really off putting for a lot of people. They are a rare color, but most people don't even notice the color. They just notice that they are crossed. And there is no fixing them, either. I've learned how to use makeup, etc to make it less obvious, but people still notice. I also have a butterface. As much as people don't like to admit it, looks matter a lot. Attractive people get away with a lot more in our society and they generally have it easier. They make more money. They get promoted more. Judges are more sympathetic to them. They are perceived as being "better" than unattractive people. There are so many studies and social experiments that prove this. And society doesn't lie, either. I had the little nephew of one of my exes look at my ex at a family gathering and say right in front of me, "Why is your girlfriend so ugly?" At festivals, when I have an attractive person helping me at my booth, people walk right up to my employee and tell them how talented they are and how beautiful their work is. Ok... but It's my work. As teenagers my sister and I were treated unequally. She got a lot more privileges simply because she is pretty. And that was the reason my Mom even gave when I asked her about this a few times. I could give a lot of examples of stuff like this happening to me. So in my opinion to sit here and say, "Oh yea, I'm so hot, of course they'll make me a bar tender!" is just flat out delusional thinking. So, simple question... what is the difference between being negative and being realistic in this kind of situation? I have seen similar things happen to overweight people who refer to themselves as overweight. People in the room are like, "Oh now, don't put yourself down like that!" But ok... if the person really is overweight what are they supposed to do, call themself skinny? Idk if this is even a request for advice, I'm more curious what people's thoughts are on the subject. Quote Link to comment
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