heydude

[Hdude]

This is my first time posting here or anywhere so forgive me for weird format or anything. I’m a highschool junior and I have been with my current partner for almost two years now. I love them dearly, but I find myself constantly getting frustrated by the things they do. Additionally, I feel like they’re absolutely obsessed with and in love with me and I just don’t have that same enthusiasm now. As stupid high schoolers tend to do, we have promised to be with each other forever, but I feel like that might not be the case any more. They can’t bear to be away from me for more than a week and swear that they can’t live without me, but the career I want to go into will not allow that. Also, they have an illness that requires a LOT of money and a lot of time, and I’ve helped them with everything I can, but god it just sucks the life out of me. Being with them feels exhausting now. I just don’t know what to do cuz if I break it off they’ll be inconsolable, and so will my friends (who all love them). I’m kinda wondering if I should just wait for college and see if we drift apart naturally? Help please though because I feel horrible. They’re literally perfect in every single way I have no real reason to be feeling like this, but I do. Thanks for any help ❤️

[Batya33]

This person is not perfect for you and you're holding this person back by staying around when you don't feel the same.  And obsession is not love anyway.  I'd break it off as amicably as possible and don't try to stick around to be "supportive" -be supportive by keeping your distance and letting the person be free to have all of their options open.

[Wiseman2]

22 minutes ago, Hdude said:

 I should just wait for college and see if we drift apart naturally? ❤️

Sorry this is happening. Talk to a trusted adult or teacher. You need to focus on your own mental health and academics. In fact, if you're no longer a crutch, they'll have to get the healthcare they need. 

[Kwothe28]

I am sorry. The burden of taking care of somebody is hard. Especially because you are a young person who should experience life and not have that kind of burden. Additionally, that person is not a family. You are not responsible for them just because you are in a relationship. As a high school junior you are barely responsible for yourself. Let alone anybody else.

As such, you are in no obligation to stay there. Until colege and otherwise. Again, you are not their family or caregiver, just a person they date. So if you dont feel love and feel burden, its best to detach right now. They will be fine and you both deserve somebody where both sides would feel the same. 

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Hdude said:

They’re literally perfect in every single way I have no real reason to be feeling like this

You have plenty of reason to feel this way. 

You are far too young to be involved in a relationship like this, where you are someone's caretaker and emotional babysitter. This person might not mean any harm but it's smothering to make someone (ie. you) the centre of their whole universe and their only source of happiness. Relationships can't function like that, as you're seeing. 

I would not advise you drag out the inevitable by waiting until college. There are ways to kindly and respectfully end this. Maybe talk to a parent or older friend or family member to help guide you in the process. 

[catfeeder]

It's natural for first love to not be your forever love, and high schoolers tend to overcommit and then feel lousy about it.

You have assigned yourself a responsibility for another that was never yours. You have not credited this person with the autonomy that they own and deserve for themselves. This has created a false narrative of moral obligation that can wreck your life.

You get to decide how long this wrecks your life. Remaining committed for another year in hopes of a less spectacular exit makes no sense.

If you want to mitigate responsibility for the fallout, contact any of the Internet suicide hotlines that cover your location. Let them help you to navigate your way out of this relationship. They will suggest ways for you to provide professional resources for your partner as you exit, and you may want to notify their family or friends to shift care to those who can take that over.

Beyond that, you'll need to educate yourself on why any choices you make for your own well being are not 'causal' to the choices another might make for themselves. 

[Capricorn3]

3 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

You are far too young to be involved in a relationship like this, where you are someone's caretaker and emotional babysitter.

^ I totally agree.  OP, you are not responsible for her well-being - that's her parents' job. She survived just fine before she met you and will continue to do so.  Move on and focus on your education.

[Hdude]

Thank y’all so much for helping me with this it’s really been stressing me out.