Mcflybye Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 I'm trying to ask out this girl at work and I've been contemplating asking her out through her socials for a while simply because I can't find the time to ask her out at work. We work completely different departments and when I see her, she's always surrounded by other people and I obviously want to ask her out while she's alone. But today when our new schedule was posted for next week, I noticed that she wasn't on that schedule, which means one of two things: Either she's simply taking some type of vacation or time off for that week, or she's leaving the job completely. The worst case scenario for me is that she's leaving the job, meaning that I'm seriously considering asking her out online. It'd be simple for me to add her on Instagram and message her there, but would it be appropriate? I've had some female friends in the past say that they'd prefer to be asked out in person and I'm wondering how this crush of mine would react if I were to ask her out via Instagram. Does it sound alright? I really like this girl and I don't know what else to do here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 Does she have a work phone number or email? Email her at work or call and tell her you wanted to ask her a non-work related question and you would appreciate her phone number -tell her it is a quick question and nothing of any concern. My husband and I worked in different departments in 1994 when we first met. We met three times at work events when I was always surrounded by people. A few days after the third event -in June/July 1995 he called me on my work phone number and asked me to have lunch. I didn't know if it was a date but the lunch was during the work day. Turned out it was. I would not hunt her down online because she'll be put off by that since she is your coworker. If she's left the company your email/phone call won't go through. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 20 minutes ago, Mcflybye said: I'm wondering how this crush of mine would react if I were to ask her out via Instagram. First see if you can follow or friend her. Like a few posts, etc. Don't jump right in to sliding into DMs. That sort of thing can be misconstrued as creepy. Start with likes and small talk about work or whatever. Just like in real life you don't just walk up to someone and ask them out without putting yourself in the creepzone. You need conversation skills so they can warm up to you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwothe28 Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 18 minutes ago, Mcflybye said: It'd be simple for me to add her on Instagram and message her there, but would it be appropriate? Its 2023. I am pretty sure that now 95% of calling somebody out on a date goes through Instagram DMs lol Now is it appropriate is another thing. What do you know about that girl? Does she even has somebody? Have you talked to her? Does she even knows you exist? Its one thing to ask a coworker if you are both interested but have a feeling you dont know much about her at all. But that shouldnt discourage you to add her on Instagram, "slide into her DMs" and ask whatever you want. Just saying that you shouldnt really expect too much being that you dont know if she will even answer your message let alone go on a date. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mcflybye Posted January 27 Author Share Posted January 27 1 minute ago, Kwothe28 said: Its 2023. I am pretty sure that now 95% of calling somebody out on a date goes through Instagram DMs lol Now is it appropriate is another thing. What do you know about that girl? Does she even has somebody? Have you talked to her? Does she even knows you exist? Its one thing to ask a coworker if you are both interested but have a feeling you dont know much about her at all. But that shouldnt discourage you to add her on Instagram, "slide into her DMs" and ask whatever you want. Just saying that you shouldnt really expect too much being that you dont know if she will even answer your message let alone go on a date. I know that she's VERY introverted and shy. We're talking shy like Adrian working in the pet shop in the first Rocky movie. She typically takes her breaks out in her car by herself, but there have been times when she'd still talk to me. She'd just do simple thing like giggling at some of my jokes, asking me for help with something, or even taking the time to say bye to me when she's leaving for the day. As to if she has a boyfriend, I don't know. We don't have a lot of time for full conversations at work. Her instagram is private, so I'm thinking of at least adding her and seeing if that gives me any answers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwothe28 Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 4 minutes ago, Mcflybye said: Her instagram is private, so I'm thinking of at least adding her and seeing if that gives me any answers. Well, do that and see how it goes. If she is responsive then maybe even ask her on a date. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 27 Share Posted January 27 How about adding her on Linkedin?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mcflybye Posted January 28 Author Share Posted January 28 40 minutes ago, Batya33 said: How about adding her on Linkedin?? She doesn't have a Linkedin, nor does she have a email/phone specific to work. It's just a warehouse gig. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimmy ape Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 I dont think its weird. If she wants to she will regardless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 5 minutes ago, Mcflybye said: She doesn't have a Linkedin, nor does she have a email/phone specific to work. It's just a warehouse gig. So then I would contact her via social media and ask via message if you can have her phone number. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 I would add her and then try to strike up some casual conversation first. Feel it out a bit and try to assess whether or not she's even single. If she is, then ask her out. Don't lead with a date invitation right out of the gate. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 17 hours ago, Mcflybye said: She doesn't have a Linkedin, nor does she have a email/phone specific to work. It's just a warehouse gig. Never contact someone on LinkedIn in for dating. You'll be reported/banned. It's Not a dating site and Not intended for personal information. At any rate the first step is a friend/follow request. Then just like real life, some small talk, acknowledging posts etc. Then once there's trust (that you're not a scammer) and you've determined she appears to be single, then consider sending a DM. Alternatively, why can't you get a good profile and pics on some dating apps and see if she's on there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Never contact someone on LinkedIn in for dating. You'll be reported/banned. It's Not a dating site and Not intended for personal information. At any rate the first step is a friend/follow request. Then just like real life, some small talk, acknowledging posts etc. Then once there's trust (that you're not a scammer) and you've determined she appears to be single, then consider sending a DM. Alternatively, why can't you get a good profile and pics on some dating apps and see if she's on there? I would never suggest that. I would contact a person to ask for the person's phone number or personal email and then be in contact personally. He knows her in person. He knows her through work and all the rules say is that the conversations be related to work - so, just like people at work make social plans with coworkers that's related to work. But yes I would ask her out over a phone call if she gives him her number. I would not express any romantic interest or flirt with her via linkedin. She doesn't have a linked in anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mcflybye Posted January 28 Author Share Posted January 28 Well, I did some asking around at work today and I found out that she's merely on vacation for next week and she'll be back on the two weeks out schedule. So it looks like I don't have to fret too much over asking her out online. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 30 minutes ago, Mcflybye said: So it looks like I don't have to fret too much over asking her out online. You'll still have to master small talk and being personable and approachable. It's the only way to eventually ask her out. But why can't you get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women in general rather than fretting about a crush you know nothing about? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kwothe28 Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 45 minutes ago, Mcflybye said: So it looks like I don't have to fret too much over asking her out online. You dont have to ask her out since she will be on vacation and maybe go somewhere but it wouldnt be a bad idea to connect on Instagram and send her some message. Say anything, even something corny like that work feels empty without her presence, and start at least talking to her if she is responsive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catfeeder Posted January 28 Share Posted January 28 48 minutes ago, Mcflybye said: Well, I did some asking around at work today and I found out that she's merely on vacation for next week and she'll be back on the two weeks out schedule. So it looks like I don't have to fret too much over asking her out online. Good. Request her to follow you or add you as a contact, or whatever, depending on the site. From there you can strike up a side convo and learn enough about her and her status to determine whether asking her for a date is even a option. If so, then asking by DM is not a bad thing. If not, then you've just added an acquaintance to your social media and you can move on with life without sticking you neck out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mcflybye Posted January 29 Author Share Posted January 29 21 hours ago, catfeeder said: Good. Request her to follow you or add you as a contact, or whatever, depending on the site. From there you can strike up a side convo and learn enough about her and her status to determine whether asking her for a date is even a option. If so, then asking by DM is not a bad thing. If not, then you've just added an acquaintance to your social media and you can move on with life without sticking you neck out. I'm not going to DM her online. Now that I know she's still at the job, I'm gonna focus on asking her in person. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smackie9 Posted January 30 Share Posted January 30 23 hours ago, Mcflybye said: I'm not going to DM her online. Now that I know she's still at the job, I'm gonna focus on asking her in person. yes, nothing says confidence more when you can just do it in person. It let's them know they are worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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