Should i surprise him?

[boltnrun]

1 minute ago, Harsh said:

 

On monday, but i could see changes in his behaviour from Saturday 

Then yes, just let it go. If he wants to meet he'll contact you.

How far away does he live?

[Harsh]

1 minute ago, boltnrun said:

Then yes, just let it go. If he wants to meet he'll contact you.

How far away does he live?

It's 1:30 hour away

[Betterwithout]

1 hour ago, Harsh said:

Well I'll be more embarassed if i didn't try, i just want to meet and have some clarity, i am just scared that he will not show up or something, 

Many of us here are in our 40's and 50's and have loads of experience with relationships of all kinds in our own lives and with those seeking guidance here.  
Take the advice, please!

I learned a new expression today "chrome bracelets"! 
If it doesn't come to that, I was thinking this event has a low grade restraining order potential.

 

 

[Harsh]

5 minutes ago, Betterwithout said:

Many of us here are in our 40's and 50's and have loads of experience with relationships of all kinds in our own lives and with those seeking guidance here.  
Take the advice, please!

I learned a new expression today "chrome bracelets"! 
If it doesn't come to that, I was thinking this event has a low grade restraining order potential.

 

 

Okay i am taking this advice and try to move on 🥲 but ya i don't think so he will file a case for just i showing up that just childish 

[boltnrun]

3 minutes ago, Harsh said:

Okay i am taking this advice and try to move on 🥲 but ya i don't think so he will file a case for just i showing up that just childish 

It's not "childish" when you consider how many crime stories there are about people who show up and do harm to people they're obsessed with.

You don't seem obsessed, just a bit naive. But I'm glad you've decided to let it go. 

[HeartGoesOn]

5 hours ago, Harsh said:

Well ill just call him that do you want to meet me? If he says yes I'll be okay, if he says no I'll be okay too

No, you won't be ok.  This idea is AKA denial, and it will only set you back to square one.  Difficult as it is,  you're better off working on ways to move forward.

[Harsh]

7 minutes ago, HeartGoesOn said:

No, you won't be ok.  This idea is AKA denial, and it will only set you back to square one.  Difficult as it is,  you're better off working on ways to move forward.

Yes i am just moving on now

[Harsh]

27 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

It's not "childish" when you consider how many crime stories there are about people who show up and do harm to people they're obsessed with.

You don't seem obsessed, just a bit naive. But I'm glad you've decided to let it go. 

Yeah thanks for the advice ❤️

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Harsh said:

But i am having regret that i did not met and ending this over a text , atleast i can have a closure.

"Closure" is when the online friendship ended. Trying to visit him is trying to restart things.  Let it go.

People move on and it's a blessing in disguise that you're free to pursue local available friends and start dating local available men. Try to view this as your escape route from a go-nowhere situation.

[bluecastle]

1 hour ago, Harsh said:

i can littrally find any boy locally but it's really hard to trust

So, this stood out to me as something you might want to explore in yourself.

From where I sit, you "trusted" this guy in part because he was not real. He was on a screen, safely removed from reality, a kind of fantasy to get swept up in that felt "safer" than a local dude. And yet what happened, in the end? Some hurt, some confusion, likely all the things you were trying (not consciously) to avoid by investing in an Instagram human as opposed to a human human. 

Potential lesson here? Trust yourself to be able to handle whatever comes—because you can handle it, you really can—and spend your time exploring and forging connections in the 3D world. Yes, they too carry the potential of hurt and confusion. But the rewards are much greater because, alas, they are real. 

[Jaunty]

3 hours ago, Harsh said:

I am trying to understand but what if he meets and appreciate me that i have travel all the way to just meet him and maybe we can work this out

He won't appreciate that.  Trust me.  What people appreciate is being heard and respected.  He told you he's done.  Believe him.

Also, just for your future reference:  Most people will RUN AWAY FAST if they find themselves interacting with someone online, who they've never met, who starts making demands and even gets in fights with them.  

Don't do this anymore.  

And leave this guy alone.  He wants no part of you, so don't subject yourself to more rejection.

[Harsh]

14 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

He won't appreciate that.  Trust me.  What people appreciate is being heard and respected.  He told you he's done.  Believe him.

Also, just for your future reference:  Most people will RUN AWAY FAST if they find themselves interacting with someone online, who they've never met, who starts making demands and even gets in fights with them.  

Don't do this anymore.  

And leave this guy alone.  He wants no part of you, so don't subject yourself to more rejection.

I just wanna tell you that i wasn't interested in talking at first I used to simply ignore him but then he tried to explain that how he is alone so i developed a soft corner for him and that's how I fell for him, having expections is not in my hand, it comes naturally and yes fight happens because when people care they tend to fight, and i am sorry you are being plain rude right now, nothing wrong in giving polite advice

[Harsh]

45 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

"Closure" is when the online friendship ended. Trying to visit him is trying to restart things.  Let it go.

People move on and it's a blessing in disguise that you're free to pursue local available friends and start dating local available men. Try to view this as your escape route from a go-nowhere situation.

I want to restart things but with better approach, i am not looking for relationship right now , if i will restart with him i might just stay friends for a while

 

[Jaunty]

1 minute ago, Harsh said:

I just wanna tell you that i wasn't interested in talking at first I used to simply ignore him but then he tried to explain that how he is alone so i developed a soft corner for him and that's how I fell for him, having expections is not in my hand, it comes naturally and yes fight happens because when people care they tend to fight, and i am sorry you are being plain rude right now, nothing wrong in giving polite advice

It doesn't matter who started talking first.  Now, he doesn't want to talk anymore.

Getting emotionally embroiled with people that you don't know in real life is not healthy.   Try not to do it any more; save your emotions for people who you can share your day to day life with, whether they be friends or romantic interests.

Take care - and please,  delete this stranger's contact info and move on.

[Harsh]

1 minute ago, Jaunty said:

It doesn't matter who started talking first.  Now, he doesn't want to talk anymore.

Getting emotionally embroiled with people that you don't know in real life is not healthy.   Try not to do it any more; save your emotions for people who you can share your day to day life with, whether they be friends or romantic interests.

Take care - and please,  delete this stranger's contact info and move on.

I will move on soon , i even asked him to block me, he refused 

[Harsh]

40 minutes ago, bluecastle said:

So, this stood out to me as something you might want to explore in yourself.

From where I sit, you "trusted" this guy in part because he was not real. He was on a screen, safely removed from reality, a kind of fantasy to get swept up in that felt "safer" than a local dude. And yet what happened, in the end? Some hurt, some confusion, likely all the things you were trying (not consciously) to avoid by investing in an Instagram human as opposed to a human human. 

Potential lesson here? Trust yourself to be able to handle whatever comes—because you can handle it, you really can—and spend your time exploring and forging connections in the 3D world. Yes, they too carry the potential of hurt and confusion. But the rewards are much greater because, alas, they are real. 

Well I've dated guys from locals and they are good, but i liked a guy online and that's not a crime i guess we talked several times on video calls and used to call daily, so i thought about giving it a try

[Jaunty]

5 minutes ago, Harsh said:

Well I've dated guys from locals and they are good, but i liked a guy online and that's not a crime i guess we talked several times on video calls and used to call daily, so i thought about giving it a try

OK.  Next time, meet the person early, and don't get "close" until you actually are dating in real life.  

This one was a fail.  

Next.

[Harsh]

2 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

OK.  Next time, meet the person early, and don't get "close" until you actually are dating in real life.  

This one was a fail.  

Next.

Isn't it early? We haven't started dating we were just thinking about it, and yes I got too close that is my fault.

[Andrina]

30 minutes ago, Harsh said:

Isn't it early? We haven't started dating we were just thinking about it, and yes I got too close that is my fault.

Stick to a rule to date within a 45 minute drive. People who are worth dating don't need to seek out long distance romance. Both seeking or accepting LDRs have skeletons waiting to rattle out of the closet, temporarily hiding dealbreakers, or they are scammers with an ulterior motive. 

And don't date until you work on your trust issues. You're not an ideal dating prospect until you rid yourself of emotional baggage. Read articles on how to achieve this.

[boltnrun]

57 minutes ago, Harsh said:

I will move on soon , i even asked him to block me, he refused 

Why would you ask him to block you? Just stop messaging him.

[MissCanuck]

OP, you need to learn to respect others’ boundaries. 

He has said no. That means you don’t continue to persist. It means you don’t show up where you’re not invited. It means that he shouldn’t need to block you because you have the self-control  to just stop messaging him. 

You can’t always get what you want. 

[Cherylyn]

No, never pop in unannounced.  Most people despise surprise visits because it's very inconsiderate, rude and it's common sense not to intrude on other people's lives.  It's very disrespectful to catch people completely off guard like that.  People don't appreciate negative surprises. 

Long ago, an elderly couple who were acquaintances of my parents, walked long distances during a summer heatwave, rang our doorbell and wanted to visit.  They never phone called us in advance.  The first several times, we invited them indoors, gave them cold water while they cooled off and we chatted.  We repeatedly requested a phone call before their visits to no avail.  Then one day while my parents were at work and I was home with my siblings, they rang our doorbell yet again.  It was a hot day as they were mopping their brows with their handkerchiefs.  This time, I ignored them.  They sat on our front porch for the longest time to cool off a bit, rang our doorbell several more times and decided to make their long walk home.  They never came back to visit us again.  Lesson learned.  Give people common courtesy or brace yourself for very harsh consequences.

[Harsh]

8 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

No, never pop in unannounced.  Most people despise surprise visits because it's very inconsiderate, rude and it's common sense not to intrude on other people's lives.  It's very disrespectful to catch people completely off guard like that.  People don't appreciate negative surprises. 

Long ago, an elderly couple who were acquaintances of my parents, walked long distances during a summer heatwave, rang our doorbell and wanted to visit.  They never phone called us in advance.  The first several times, we invited them indoors, gave them cold water while they cooled off and we chatted.  We repeatedly requested a phone call before their visits to no avail.  Then one day while my parents were at work and I was home with my siblings, they rang our doorbell yet again.  It was a hot day as they were mopping their brows with their handkerchiefs.  This time, I ignored them.  They sat on our front porch for the longest time to cool off a bit, rang our doorbell several more times and decided to make their long walk home.  They never came back to visit us again.  Lesson learned.  Give people common courtesy or brace yourself for very harsh consequences.

Okay message received, thank you

[Harsh]

9 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

OP, you need to learn to respect others’ boundaries. 

He has said no. That means you don’t continue to persist. It means you don’t show up where you’re not invited. It means that he shouldn’t need to block you because you have the self-control  to just stop messaging him. 

You can’t always get what you want. 

I think i might block him, i don't want to keep hanging 

[Harsh]

9 hours ago, boltnrun said:

Why would you ask him to block you? Just stop messaging him.

Because I might text him again if i am angry