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Should i surprise him?


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There is a guy who messaged me on instagram, we started talking and we really got along, but after his college started he was giving me less time than i expected, sometimes i just get mad, but 3 days ago he neither texted me nor called me, i was really angry and in anger i said let's end this if you can't give me enough time, he agreed ( i thought he will show me how much he wants me) and we had a huge verbal spat, next day I told him that i want to be back with you, he said there is no future, we both are not good for each other, it's better you move on, you will get someone better, i don't want this end, i really wanna give it try, should I try to surprise him by visiting? 

 

(It was all happened in online only we did not met single time)

 

 

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1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

No, absolutely do NOT go. 

He’s been very clear that he is not interested and does not want to date you. Showing up unannounced and uninvited is not going to end well for you. 

Respect his choice and leave him alone now, for good. No more contact at all. 

But i am having regret that i did not met and ending this over a text , atleast i can have a closure

 

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1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

No!

You are not an item. Heck you are in a fight and broken things up before it even started. What makes you think he would be anything else but annoyed if you go out to see him?

Well ill just call him that do you want to meet me? If he says yes I'll be okay, if he says no I'll be okay too

 

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1 hour ago, Harsh said:

Well ill just call him that do you want to meet me? If he says yes I'll be okay, if he says no I'll be okay too

 

I wouldn't risk further contact.  He is not interested in you and you are interested in yourself -getting "closure" -give yourself closure without burdening him with more messages/contact from you -let him go in peace. You do the same.

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2 hours ago, Harsh said:

Well ill just call him that do you want to meet me? If he says yes I'll be okay, if he says no I'll be okay too

 

I dont think you understand. You already had a fallout before you even met. There is simply no need for him to see you or for you to see him.

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2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I wouldn't risk further contact.  He is not interested in you and you are interested in yourself -getting "closure" -give yourself closure without burdening him with more messages/contact from you -let him go in peace. You do the same.

I am sorry but why do you think i am interested in getting closure? I just want to meet that all, i wanna try best from my side it's really easy to say but hard to do i hope you will understand 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

I dont think you understand. You already had a fallout before you even met. There is simply no need for him to see you or for you to see him.

I am trying to understand but what if he meets and appreciate me that i have travel all the way to just meet him and maybe we can work this out

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If a person messaging you doesn't ask to meet up within two weeks, you're merely wasting time with a pen pal. If you regularly choose to answer messages from men too far away to regularly meet, again, you're wasting your time.

Dating locally with guys you can actually enjoy a companionship with--someone who  wants to get together a couple of times a week--that should be your goal.

Your intensity with someone you never met is alarming, though. Be more realistic about dating in a normal pace with a wait-and-see attitude. It takes at least 3 or 4 months to even know if you want to be exclusive with someone, and if you match in all the major ways. And then you have to get past this honeymoon phase to see the real person emerge over time. 

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47 minutes ago, Betterwithout said:

Sorry this happened, but this is the highest of uphill battles!  You would only end up embarrassing the both of you.   

Move on with your life with more confidence.
 

Well I'll be more embarassed if i didn't try, i just want to meet and have some clarity, i am just scared that he will not show up or something, 

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Just now, Andrina said:

If a person messaging you doesn't ask to meet up within two weeks, you're merely wasting time with a pen pal. If you regularly choose to answer messages from men too far away to regularly meet, again, you're wasting your time.

Dating locally with guys you can actually enjoy a companionship with--someone who  wants to get together a couple of times a week--that should be your goal.

Your intensity with someone you never met is alarming, though. Be more realistic about dating in a normal pace with a wait-and-see attitude. It takes at least 3 or 4 months to even know if you want to be exclusive with someone, and if you match in all the major ways. And then you have to get past this honeymoon phase to see the real person emerge over time. 

He was asking to meet me but i had exams so we had to postpone it, and i am not much interested in travel so i postpone it again and he was planning it then he got busy. So yeah we were trying to meet

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2 minutes ago, Lambert said:

No.  What you described sounds a little stalkerish.  Why would you want to continue with a guy that you have not met and is not interested in meeting you? He told you flat out he is not interested.  Move on.

I am not stalkerish, i am not saying i am desperate to continue, but i will not that regret that I've ended something over text

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I agree with Lambert; if some woman I didn't really know showed up, after I told her I wasn't interested, She would be getting nice chrome bracelets for stalking.  Especially if there had been a fight of any kind, I would assume she had gone bonkers and adopted the "If I can't have him no one can" stance and is out to cause me great bodily harm.

You need to work on yourself control and attachments to virtual strangers (literally and figuratively). This is not healthy and could get you in very serious legal trouble. Or worse if you do stalk him, and he's willing to use force for his protection.

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It's ridiculous at your age to spend money for traveling to meet a love interest. LDRs have an extremely high failure rate when they start as LDRs. You're in college, with likely 50 or more students in each of your classes and can't meet anyone locally? You clearly have some barriers to real life dating and choose to live in a fantasy world. 

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8 minutes ago, Harsh said:

I am trying to understand but what if he meets and appreciate me that i have travel all the way to just meet him and maybe we can work this out

This is not "Eurotrip". Or whatever teen romantic comedy trip movie you watched. This is real life. People who show up at your steps unanouned, especially after you told them you dont want to have anything to do with them, wont accept you with their arms open. There is more likely a chance they will call a police on you because it is "stalkerish".

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17 minutes ago, Harsh said:

I am not stalkerish, i am not saying i am desperate to continue, but i will not that regret that I've ended something over text

But this is from your perspective.  Think about it from HIS perspective.  He didn't chase because he didn't want to.  You offered to continue... he said no.  Not respecting their wishes and "surprising" someone that is not interested and said so is in fact stalkerish and desperate. 

People with options move on.  People that can't accept, have no other options make excuses that they believe to be true.  but that's not how the people on the receiving end see it.  

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1 hour ago, Andrina said:

It's ridiculous at your age to spend money for traveling to meet a love interest. LDRs have an extremely high failure rate when they start as LDRs. You're in college, with likely 50 or more students in each of your classes and can't meet anyone locally? You clearly have some barriers to real life dating and choose to live in a fantasy world. 

Well it's not about meeting, it's about finding the person you like, we really liked each other and want to know more that's why, i can littrally find any boy locally but it's really hard to trust

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49 minutes ago, Lambert said:

But this is from your perspective.  Think about it from HIS perspective.  He didn't chase because he didn't want to.  You offered to continue... he said no.  Not respecting their wishes and "surprising" someone that is not interested and said so is in fact stalkerish and desperate. 

People with options move on.  People that can't accept, have no other options make excuses that they believe to be true.  but that's not how the people on the receiving end see it.  

Okay i am getting what you are saying, i think i might give him some space 

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1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

This is not "Eurotrip". Or whatever teen romantic comedy trip movie you watched. This is real life. People who show up at your steps unanouned, especially after you told them you dont want to have anything to do with them, wont accept you with their arms open. There is more likely a chance they will call a police on you because it is "stalkerish".

Well i might just give him some space, let's see what will happen

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1 hour ago, Harsh said:

I am sorry but why do you think i am interested in getting closure? I just want to meet that all, i wanna try best from my side it's really easy to say but hard to do i hope you will understand 

 

 

Because you wrote this:

5 hours ago, Harsh said:

But i am having regret that i did not met and ending this over a text , atleast i can have a closure

I also vote for no for the trip.

How long ago did this "argument" happen?

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1 hour ago, Coily said:

I agree with Lambert; if some woman I didn't really know showed up, after I told her I wasn't interested, She would be getting nice chrome bracelets for stalking.  Especially if there had been a fight of any kind, I would assume she had gone bonkers and adopted the "If I can't have him no one can" stance and is out to cause me great bodily harm.

You need to work on yourself control and attachments to virtual strangers (literally and figuratively). This is not healthy and could get you in very serious legal trouble. Or worse if you do stalk him, and he's willing to use force for his protection.

 Clearly coily i am not having that stance but ya what you are saying is completely right, i might just call it quits i know it will be hard but let's see what happens 

 

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Just now, boltnrun said:

Because you wrote this:

I also vote for no for the trip.

How long ago did this "argument" happen?

 

Just now, boltnrun said:

Because you wrote this:

I also vote for no for the trip.

How long ago did this "argument" happen?

On monday, but i could see changes in his behaviour from Saturday 

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