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Lack of verbal affirmations and "I Love You"


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I've been w/ my boyfriend for going on a year now.  He literally chased me for 8.5 yrs prior.  We were friends and did a lot together - mostly dinner, movies, shopping.  He works out of state during the week and is going sometimes for weeks to months due to his job.  So when he was in town, we'd go do things.  He liked me...and I just didn't have any attraction to him.  I knew (or thought) he was the perfect guy for me, but couldn't strum up any attraction.  

 

Skip to the beginning of 2022 when I finally fell hard for him.  Not sure why or how, but I did.  It's still a question I get from people often.  "What made you finally start liking him?"  I'm not sure!!  I assume it's in God's timing.

Well - we spend all of our time together.  His house is basically my 2nd home.  I'm here more than at my own home.  He wants me here.  We do everything togther - cook, shop, run errands, etc.  BUT - he just can't seem to be verbal about his feelings.  It took 6 mts for him to finally tell me he loves me.  That was in October.  I had told him a number of times prior to that.  It saddened me that he didn't ever tell me back, but I know everyone is different and I was patient.  

 

Now that he finally told me in October, he's only told me a handful of times since.  I am kind of used to it on most days, but then there are days like today that I'm really struggling w/ wonderig if he REALLY loves me if it's SO HARD for him to say it to me.  He assured me from day one that I would NEVER have to worry about him cheating and I never thought I would ever have to worry about that w/ him (in prior years when I tried to picture myself w/ him).  I don't think he is, but I do worry about him being attracted to other women and if he doesn't REALLY love me....could he step out on me when he's out of state.  

 

Not only does he not tell me he loves me, he has a very low sex drive.  He's almost 50 and his testosterone is very low.   

 

He rarely compliments me.  It took him MONTHS AND MONTHS to finally say something nice to me about my looks and it wasn't in a passionate moment.  It was at the dinner table at a restaurant.  I told him something about being my good looking handsome man and he said something about me being his beautiful woman.  That was the ONLY time he's every called me beautiful.  He told me the other day I looked good in my jacket and that was I was pretty "in the jacket" and that it made my eyes pop.  It made me feel good, but honestly....since it took him SO long to start making ANY compliments, and I've brought it to his attention like 50 times in the past, it's almost like I don't take it serious.  I know that may sound silly, but like I said...I had to tell him over and over this past year that he never says anything nice to me, but picks me apart sometimes.  

I am 50 and he is about to be 50.  We aren't kids.  We have both been married and left by our spouses and broken hearted.  I know he's scorned.  He was single for 12 yrs and I was mostly single for 14.5 (yes, we both had interactions w/ the opposite sex in that time, but nothing lasting).  

 

He basically treats me like I'm his wife (to an extent), but I can't help but feel like he just enjoys my companionship.  He talks about our future all the time and everything is "we" and "ours," but it's EXTREMELY hard not to hear "I love you" or anything passionate from him.  

 

I just sent him a text yesterday telling him how much I appreciate him and that I love him more than he knows.  His response was, "Thanks babe.  Now I've got to get to work."  That cut like a knife.  I've poured my heart out to him a number of times and he never has anything to say in response other than, "I told him from the beginning that I'm not affectionate."  

 

HOW CAN YOU LOVE SOMEONE, but not ever want to tell them that?  I look at him often and tell him that I love him so much.  That's just who I am.  I do love him very deeply.

 

This is eating me up.  Anyone deal w/ anything like this?

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What did he say when you asked him why he doesn't say 'I love you' often enough?  Perhaps he's one of those guys who prefers to let actions speak louder than words such as spending time with you.  Some guys don't use their words or they hesitate to say, 'I love you.'  It's not their way. 

He's told you that he's not affectionate.  Well, at least he was honest and told you how he is so you know what you're getting into.  No surprise there. 

Accept how he is or get out.  He will not change for you. The way he is, is all he is willing to offer.  Take it or leave it. 

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Maybe he sort of got burnt out from chasing you for 8 years and waiting while you hung around him knowing how he felt -but now that he has you, he's not used to not having to chase and while he's happy in one way not to have that burden in another way the thrill of the chase is gone so he's not going to be all gushy all over you.  And he might still not trust that you're into him.  (I'm 56 as is my husband).

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People have different kind of love languages. He looks like a more closed up type. And no offense, but you look like somebody who needs constant validation. Just because he doesnt say it all the time and acts up like a "goo goo gaga" teenager, doesnt mean he doesnt love you. He chased you for almost 9 years, he wouldnt do that if he doesnt feel something more toward you. 

And even that story is making me think that you settled for the poor guy. When every other option on the dating market has run out. So the one that orbited around you was finally "good enough" for you. Stop chasing validation from men. And if you dont like how your man "profess his love"(he btw does say that he loves you, just doesnt say it as often as you would like too lol), you are free to break up and explore your options elsewhere. 

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Sorry about all this. 

During the 8 years he spent chasing you, was he effusive in the way you know long for? Did he routinely tell you how beautiful you were? Was he full of passion? I'm asking in order to understand if what you're describing here is a marked difference in his general behavior, or in your expectations, now that the chase is over.

 

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42 minutes ago, BassnBabe said:

HOW CAN YOU LOVE SOMEONE, but not ever want to tell them that?  I look at him often and tell him that I love him so much.  That's just who I am.  I do love him very deeply.

How can someone suddenly have a change of heart and be interested in someone after 8 years?  Just like you state above, it is who you are.  This could be who he is. 

the mark of a healthy, happy relationship is the ability to meet each other's needs and or find compromises.  In order for needs to be met, they must be expressed.  If you tell him what you need and he can't give it to you, then you need to either understand why and accept or move on to find someone else that will meet your needs.  

 

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20 minutes ago, bluecastle said:

Sorry about all this. 

During the 8 years he spent chasing you, was he effusive in the way you know long for? Did he routinely tell you how beautiful you were? Was he full of passion? I'm asking in order to understand if what you're describing here is a marked difference in his general behavior, or in your expectations, now that the chase is over.

No!  GREAT QUESTION and observation!  I thought about this recently as well. No, he wasn't passionate and never complimented me.  

I guess I figured he'd be super loving since he was so persistent.  He never said anything passionate, but he would remind me every now and then that he's chased me for years and that "I know you don't like me in that way and that we are just friends."  

So, no, he's not any different now.  

20 minutes ago, bluecastle said:

 

 

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13 minutes ago, Lambert said:

How can someone suddenly have a change of heart and be interested in someone after 8 years?  Just like you state above, it is who you are.  This could be who he is. 

the mark of a healthy, happy relationship is the ability to meet each other's needs and or find compromises.  In order for needs to be met, they must be expressed.  If you tell him what you need and he can't give it to you, then you need to either understand why and accept or move on to find someone else that will meet your needs.  

 

I agree w/ all of this.  

As far as the needs - I can go w/o hearing I love you all the time (no problem!).  I've been doing it for going on a year now.  But I do not "feel" loved by him.  It's not just the lack of verbal affirmations.  It's some things that have been done and said since we've been together that really put a damper on it.

I won't bother you w/ the things that have happened, but he did tell me one night when I asked him if he is not attracted to me (due to some sexual issues), he told me he didn't think he was.  He told me he was attracted to what's on the inside....and how that is the most important thing....yada yada yada.  I get that...but to tell your girlfriend you are not attracted to her?????????  That was a blow to me.  We talked about it a few times afterwards and he never really had anything to say other than one time he did say 'If I weren't attracted to you, I wouldn't be w/ you."  

He is VERY different when it comes to this relationship thing!!!

His qualities that I LOVE are....he's a GREAT cook (he cooks for us all the time...and we cook together (I'm a good cook as well).  He's maticulous (I'm not!).  He's a VERY clean person.  He is VERY organized and routine.  We both have good jobs, so I won't comment on his job, but he has a VERY nice place.  I am in NO SHAPE OR FORM materialistic, but he lives in a place that is my dream.  I'll just say...lots of acreage, cattle, ponds, etc.  And he acts like I live here.  I don't technically, but I'm here more than half of the time (I have my own house that is almost paid off).  We are doing well for our age and are in good places in our lives.  We do go together like peas and carrots.  

I don't need constant affirmations, but it would be nice to hear that he loves me every now and then.  It's basically been a month.  Just so odd to me.

 

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I agree with the poster who advised you to express your needs, but the next part is the most important:  You'll have to make a decision.  If he doesn't change and step it up, can you accept things as they are?  Or will you be unsatisfied?  You really can't keep bringing it up over the years, if it turns out that you are experiencing things the way that they likely always will be.  That is sort of in the "nagging" department and it will mess your relationship up badly.   

I'm sorry that this is happening, but I suspect that this is the way your relationship with this man is going to be.   

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Even though my husband and I tell each other that we love each other, we don't say it too much.  Sure, we say it but not as often as you'd think.

We're comfortable enough to let each other know how much we love each other in our own way without words all the time.  It may not make sense for many people on this forum or elsewhere but each couple has their own love language.

While saying, 'I love you' is wonderful so don't get me wrong, some people such as myself prefer more actions over words because in some cases, some people say, 'I love you' but there is a side to them which doesn't feel so loving whether it's being inconsiderate, not helpful, saying something inappropriate, moodiness, volatile temperament, selfishness of any sort, etc.  If a person truly loves another person, to me, it's consistent respectful, kind, loving, very considerate behavior that trumps all else IMHO.  Granted, again, I'm not speaking for others; just me here.  I realize everyone's different. 

My friend's husband says, 'I love you' a lot but man, is he ever so lazy.  The poor wife, my friend has to run herself haggard doing everything because her lazy husband never picks up the slack for her.  If I had my druthers, I prefer to forgo the 'I love you's' and give me some help!  He gives her flowers and candy.  Hooray. 🙄 

Regarding compliments.  Of course, we love to hear compliments.  My mother once told me long ago that if other people like something you're wearing for example, they won't always give you a compliment.  Instead, she said, "Silence is the sincerest form of compliments."  She's right.  People can admire but they're certainly not going to make you feel good by saying something kind.  It's human nature.  Many people are snide inside and they don't like it when you look good.  It's the way of the world.  However, in relationships, I agree, it's nice to hear compliments here and there. 

Then there are those in the 'misery loves company' camp.  They'll say something acceptable to you if you're at their level.  However, if you're better than they are in any capacity, they'll say something snide to make you feel bad so you'll feel just as miserable as they are.  This type of behavior is as old as time. 

Pick your battles.  Is your boyfriend good in other areas of his personality?  If you're unhappy with him, why stay with him?  You can't change him.  You don't have to settle for your boyfriend if you want more out of a man. 

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So, the hard truth is, if your love language is words of affirmation, this just isn't your guy.

You've verbalized it a million times; he just. does. not. do. it.

This is just how he is.  This is just who he is.  Doesn't make him a bad person; on the contrary, as you said, he's likely to be this good, solid, "there" guy.  He's just never going to look at you and tell you how beautiful you are, how much he loves you, how lucky he is that he found you.  It's just not going to happen, because he's just not that guy.

I can relate.  Many years ago, I dated someone like this, and I thought I was being selfish to want him to say something....anything....  I remember bringing it up to my friend (happily married), afraid she'd bash me and tell me to stop being so selfish.  I'll never forget:  She said, "Oh I understand.  I need to be adored".  And she told me that of course I deserved to be adored.  I've never forgotten those words, and realized how important those words of affirmation are for me.

My advice:  Sit him down, have a heart to heart.  He might just mumble, he might look at you like he's a dog you're trying to reason with, lol.  But say your peace, say it with kindness, and then see what happens.  See if you can live with his response.

This all reminds me of Fiddler On The Roof, the song "Do You Love Me?"  The couple had been matched in an arranged marriage, and after 25 years, she was asking if he loved her.  He sang back, that through all of his actions throughout the years, if that wasn't love, what was?  Of course, she was looking for the words, but realized that his actions showed it.  

You'll have to figure out if actions are sufficient for you.  For me, it's hard, because like you, I'm a words gal.

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1 hour ago, Starlight925 said:

You'll have to figure out if actions are sufficient for you.  For me, it's hard, because like you, I'm a words gal.

I'm a words gal, too but I've found that talk is cheap if actions don't represent 'I love you's.' 

I've known 'I love you' type men from family and friends and while it's nice to hear, there are other parts to their character which are very unkind, rude and downright disrespectful.  Their dark side overshadows 'I love you' words IMHO. 

'I love you's' are great to hear as long as actions and sincere efforts match those sentimental words. 

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You can't force him to be someone he is not.

You value different expressions of love than he does. Can you live with that forever? If not, this won't work. It's already bothering you after just a year. You are who you are. He is who he is. It doesn't mean you're a good match together. 

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51 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

You can't force him to be someone he is not.

You value different expressions of love than he does. Can you live with that forever? If not, this won't work. It's already bothering you after just a year. You are who you are. He is who he is. It doesn't mean you're a good match together. 

I agree @MissCanuckI've said the same words as well here and for other comments to posts. 

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10 hours ago, BassnBabe said:

No!  GREAT QUESTION and observation!  I thought about this recently as well. No, he wasn't passionate and never complimented me.  

I guess I figured he'd be super loving since he was so persistent.  He never said anything passionate, but he would remind me every now and then that he's chased me for years and that "I know you don't like me in that way and that we are just friends."  

So, no, he's not any different now.  

 

So then maybe you're looking for issues because you suddenly had a change of heart but you are wondering whether it's sustainable -then you see him acting as he always has -not telling you how awesome you are and how much he loves you -and you wonder if perhaps you aren't so sure of your feelings either.

(I got back together with my ex fiancee after almost 8 years apart -we had two platonic get togethers then he asked me to get back together on the third -I felt a strong spark when we reconnected and our second chance worked because in the time apart we both changed- I know for sure if we'd stayed in close touch during the time apart or if he chased me--- or if on that third time out I'd said no and we'd stayed "friends" -we wouldn't be married now -it would have upset the dynamic between us too much -so I had the light switch experience like you did but it was after all that time basically apart where we both grew and changed in our 30s).

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10 hours ago, BassnBabe said:

 I asked him if he is not attracted to me (due to some sexual issues), he told me he didn't think he was.  He told me he was attracted to what's on the inside....

Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately you've been friends for so long the transition to being a romantic couple seems to have become more like roommates and companionship.  Step back. Don't be at his place this much "acting like a wife". (as he put it) That in itself can seem like a rut. 

 

 

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10 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

Even though my husband and I tell each other that we love each other, we don't say it too much.  Sure, we say it but not as often as you'd think.

We're comfortable enough to let each other know how much we love each other in our own way without words all the time.  It may not make sense for many people on this forum or elsewhere but each couple has their own love language.

While saying, 'I love you' is wonderful so don't get me wrong, some people such as myself prefer more actions over words because in some cases, some people say, 'I love you' but there is a side to them which doesn't feel so loving whether it's being inconsiderate, not helpful, saying something inappropriate, moodiness, volatile temperament, selfishness of any sort, etc.  If a person truly loves another person, to me, it's consistent respectful, kind, loving, very considerate behavior that trumps all else IMHO.  Granted, again, I'm not speaking for others; just me here.  I realize everyone's different. 

My friend's husband says, 'I love you' a lot but man, is he ever so lazy.  The poor wife, my friend has to run herself haggard doing everything because her lazy husband never picks up the slack for her.  If I had my druthers, I prefer to forgo the 'I love you's' and give me some help!  He gives her flowers and candy.  Hooray. 🙄 

Regarding compliments.  Of course, we love to hear compliments.  My mother once told me long ago that if other people like something you're wearing for example, they won't always give you a compliment.  Instead, she said, "Silence is the sincerest form of compliments."  She's right.  People can admire but they're certainly not going to make you feel good by saying something kind.  It's human nature.  Many people are snide inside and they don't like it when you look good.  It's the way of the world.  However, in relationships, I agree, it's nice to hear compliments here and there. 

Then there are those in the 'misery loves company' camp.  They'll say something acceptable to you if you're at their level.  However, if you're better than they are in any capacity, they'll say something snide to make you feel bad so you'll feel just as miserable as they are.  This type of behavior is as old as time. 

Pick your battles.  Is your boyfriend good in other areas of his personality?  If you're unhappy with him, why stay with him?  You can't change him.  You don't have to settle for your boyfriend if you want more out of a man. 

He is good to me.  The thing is - other than I'm the one who he spends all of his time with (when not at work, of course), he treats me like he could treat any other friend/family member.  He cooks for me, takes me to dinner/movies, etc....those things are GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  My X husband lacked in those areas and I always desired it.  But you can do that w/ ANYONE!  I appreciate those things and cherish our time together - I'm not complaining.

 

As far as the I Love You goes...he's not told me since December 27th.  I've told him a few times since then and he doesn't say anything.  Like "I sure do love you!" (in that context).  One night months back (I think it was November), we were getting off the phone (I was here at his house and he was at work out of state) - when we were hanging up, I said, "I love you, Bob."  His name isn't Bob, lol, but we will go w/ that.  He said, "Goodnight Mary!!" (very as a matter of fact).  And my name is not Mary - lol.  We hung up the phone and it was very hurtful because it was a couple of weeks after he had FIRST told me he loves me.  So I called him back and asked him what is going on here in this relationship.  He played dumb, of course.  He said, "I already told you I Love You."  I told him I understand that, but just to say goodnight when someone tells you they love you is kind of a slap in the face.  He told me he didn't need to tell me all the time.  FAIR, but still - "goodnight" was kind of a slap.  When he had first told me he loves me in October, he told me he may tell me every time we hang up the phone.  I just laughed and said that was fine.  Well, he didn't tell me again for quite a while - so "every time we hang up the phone" made me think I'd be hearing it at least daily (just not after every phone conversation).  It's all just so silly, but we are grown ass adults and shouldn't be so elementary.  If you love someone, tell them!  Ya know?

Long story short - we started calling each other babe and baby a couple of months into our newfound relationship last year.  Being a term of endearment, it made me feel special, right?  I had NEVER heard him call another female babe before.  Now - he calls other women babe!!!!!  It's the oddest thing!!!  His sister, niece, our dogs - and God only knows who else.  I don't know how many women he works around on a regular.  He works out of state (chemical plant work).  The fact that "babe" just flows out of his mouth so easy kind of took the specialness away from it when he said it to me.  Make sense?  Not to sound ridiculous, but I'm your woman and you call me babe - but now all other women are babe???  Say that to the wrong coworker or someone at the airport who is sitting next to you (he twice a week (there and back) - and if she's a lonely woman, "babe" could get her attention. 

 

Months ago he was at the airport and we were on the phone.  His flight was delayed and delayed until he had to go to the counter to get a hotel voucher.  I could hear a woman in the background talking and he said to her, "I'm in the same boat, babe!"  That was the 2nd time I had heard him call another woman babe.  I didn't say a word.  In my opinion, everyone shouldn't be babe all the sudden!  He just started calling me that and now everyone else, too??  He uses it VERY freely now.  He calls me baby all the time now, but very casually - just like he calls his great neices (babies) baby or our dogs.  

That may sound ridiculous, but can I have just ONE thing that is special??? 

I'm not even going to get into the sex.  It's almost non-existent.  He has extremely low testosterone (we just found out) and has very little sex drive (around me anyway!!).  In return, that makes me feel undesired.  Add that to no "I Love You" and calling everyone babe, and you have an insecure woman (me!).  LOL!

I feel like he almost undresses younger women (20s/30s) when we are out and about.  It used to be worse, but I've not noticed quite as much lately.  AGAIN, I'm not with him during the week when he's out of state.  When he drinks a little too much, he gets SUPER peacocky (confident)!  Liquid courage, ya know?  But he's slowed his drinking down quite a bit.  

So - there is definitely a lot of dynamics to this relationship - as there are w/ any relationship.  

Sadly, sometimes I just feel like he just likes my companionship.

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I think you're looking for things because you had this epiphany but now you're not sure you two are a match romantically.  Yes all relationships have dynamics -and you know that's not the point.  In your particular relationship the dynamic was he chased you for many years and you suddenly realized you wanted him.  Then you two moved at the speed of light with you playing wifey and commenting here how "good" he is to you - but you playing wifey and him treating you appropriately (other than his rude wandering eye when you're out) is good -positive -but as you know doesn't mean you're a good match long term.  

You are reacting with insecurity because I think you're generally insecure about the relationship and it's long term potential. 

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17 minutes ago, BassnBabe said:

 we were getting off the phone I was here at his house and he was at work out of state.

It may be best to stop acting like his roommate and camping at his place all the time. As far as his ED, it can happen around his age and he drinks. Many things can contribute to that including overall mental and physical health issues. 

Step back. While wanting more affection and romance is understandable, you're both coasting along complacently for your own reasons. Unfortunately the more you pester him about being more affectionate and verbally effusive, the more you're pushing him away because you're making it a chore to appease and reassure you.

Sadly you're putting yourself in the role of housesitter and dog-sitter. Stay at your own place more often. Let him miss you a little.

 

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11 hours ago, Jaunty said:

I agree with the poster who advised you to express your needs, but the next part is the most important:  You'll have to make a decision.  If he doesn't change and step it up, can you accept things as they are?  Or will you be unsatisfied?  You really can't keep bringing it up over the years, if it turns out that you are experiencing things the way that they likely always will be.  That is sort of in the "nagging" department and it will mess your relationship up badly.   

I'm sorry that this is happening, but I suspect that this is the way your relationship with this man is going to be.   

^ this!

I think our romantic partner is the most important person in our lives, and they should not have red flags or missing the most important of our desires.  
Anyone who recites internal self-talk of "I wish he/she did this", or "I wish he/she said these kinds of things" will run into a continuous evaluation and either be accepting of the short falls.... or they become a deal breaker.
So OP in short...  the bigger question is "can you live with it?"  Do his other excellent traits make up for his flaws?  A question only you can answer.

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gonna share a joke....

 

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.  Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. 

Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. 

Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle.

Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. 

Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.

Only one of them survived the accident.

Question: Who was the survivor?

(Scroll down for the answer)

 

 

 

Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in
the first place.

Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

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7 minutes ago, Betterwithout said:

gonna share a joke....

 

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.  Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. 

Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. 

Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle.

Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. 

Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.

Only one of them survived the accident.

Question: Who was the survivor?

(Scroll down for the answer)

 

 

 

Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in
the first place.

Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

Lol.  Good one.

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11 hours ago, BassnBabe said:

I am in NO SHAPE OR FORM materialistic, but he lives in a place that is my dream.  I'll just say...lots of acreage, cattle, ponds, etc.  And he acts like I live here.  I don't technically, but I'm here more than half of the time (I have my own house that is almost paid off).  We are doing well for our age and are in good places in our lives.  We do go together like peas and carrots.  

Not really helping your case about settling. Which is what this is. Just one big giant case of settling. He chased you for years. And was never good enough as there were probably other chasers there. But, as the years go by, other chasers are less and less frequent. At the age of 50, maybe even gone completely. So you decide to settle for somebody who was around you and well situated.

But, lo and behold, he isnt good enough. He wasnt good enough and exhibit threats you are looking for, for almost 9 years. So why should he be good enough now? Its pointless that he is good to you, cooks for you and is generally a good partner, when you dont see that as "love" and seek validation of that love. Which he in no way or form can give you because, if in 50 years he isnt like that, he wont start now. So again, either accept that you settled for somebody. Or break up and seek somebody else who would give you that validation.

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My husband’s expression of love is actions. He works hard, gets me my tea and breakfast, he cooks and does laundry etc etc…. That is how he tells me he loves me by dedicated acts of service. I love words too however, he is not a man of a lot of words unless he has knowledge to impart . So I tell him about 5 times daily that I love him and he repeats it back. The majority of his love though is service and to him love from me is gratitude. He wants to be appreciated for his acts of service . 
 

We are in our 50’s as well and have been together since our very early 20’s. 

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