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Why do I tend to hold onto small negative interactions with strangers?


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Why do I tend to hold onto small negative interactions with strangers?  It would seem throughout my life (47 years old) that I hold onto and dwell on small, one time, negative interactions with strangers.  Let me provide one example.

Today I was waiting in line at a popular outside burger stand.  While I was waiting a guy walks in front of me, looks right at me, and says "Thanks man, that was awesome." He said it in a real snarky way and then continued to walk off.  I honestly have no idea why he said this to me, or what I would have done to have offended him.  It's like he just saw me and picked me out as someone to say some crap to.  And so I try to brush it off, but I keep on replaying the scenario over and over in my head, examining what happened and trying to figure it out.  I'll probably think about this for days now.

And this isn't the first time this type of interaction has happened to me.  I feel like I've got some sort of target on my back.  Perfect strangers being rude and abrasive to me for no reason.  If I were to guess, maybe because I'm mixed race?  I don't know, but it always seems to be white dudes who choose to pick on me.  This problem has definitely gotten worse in the past six years with the overall rise in tension and anxiety in the US.  

I guess I'm curious if anyone else experiences this, and if so, how do you deal with it?  I find myself still replaying crap that happened to me more than a year ago.  

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I think unfortunately it's the human condition to focus on the negative and forget the many positives.  Just assume the person has issues and move along with your life. 

Yesterday once again when I was walking through the park after dropping my son off at school a person with off leash dogs -which is prohibited- wasn't in control of the dogs and they ran up to me.  I wasn't particularly afraid of these dogs but I did NOT want strange dogs near me for any reason and was upset that she was flouting the leash law. (Also obviously the dogs could run away/be taken/get hurt by a cyclist, etc).  She didn't apologize or do a darn thing. Typically the off leash dogs are far enough away from me but it's annoying since I can't just walk and enjoy but have to be alert to where the off leash dogs are. I've been bitten and almost attacked numerous times so this is a really annoying and sometimes scary situation for me.

Make room to focus on when people are kind and thoughtful -force yourself.  Like the cashier who is super efficient with your check out stuff, the doctor's office that calls you back because they weren't able to answer your call when you called, the person who goes the extra mile for you.  You will have to 'fight" the urge to focus on the negative interactions for sure but it's worth the fight.

It was cold and sunny out and I had about ten more minutes walk.  So I forced myself to walk as fast as I could pumping my arms -to sort of pump out the negative energy, breathe in the cold crisp air and admire the trees.  I was NOT going to let this horrible dog owner ruin my day or ruin a minute of my day.  It worked.  

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Don't care about strangers.  You'll never see them again.  If they're rude, that's their problem.  Learn to ignore and walk away.

I've experienced rudeness in public.  I was an eye witness to several accidents.  I was waiting in my car while my son went to our local store.  A customer rammed her grocery cart into a car directly across from me and walked away.  This woman saw that I was an eye witness.  She said to me, "I'm dying of cancer!  I should get a free pass!"  The store's employee's car was damaged and I told the woman that while I'm sorry about her cancer, it still doesn't excuse her from responsibility to repair the other motorist's damaged car door. She ranted.  I let her wear herself out and she didn't like the fact that two parties had to exchange car insurance information.  Oh well.  Her cancer (if it was that) was still no excuse to dodge responsibility for repairs. 

Another time, I witnessed a hit 'n run at my local Costco's parking lot and again, the motorist walked away!  I left a note on the damaged car's windshield complete with license plate number, time, etc.  I went inside Costco and had the manager announce on the loud speaker that the motorist with the license plate number should report to the front because there was an eye witness and video of the accident.  There was another rant courtesy of the hit 'n run woman.  They don't like getting caught. 🙄

I've been bullied as a school girl and when I first started my night shift job long ago.  Those were terrible years.  I certainly took a pummeling because I didn't know any better. 

How do I deal with it?  I don't deal.  Once I'm home, I do what I enjoy whether it's sports, hobbies, cooking, baking, dine on a delicious dinner with my husband, asking about each others days and I create my own happiness. 

A lot of people in society are weird.  Learn to ignore them. 

 

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I agree with @Batya33Surround yourself with good people.  Then people in public won't bother you as much. 

In my mind, I separate people into various groups.  There's the nice group of people who think, act, speak and write similar to you.  Those types are compatible to you.  Then there are other groups of people who are civil but cold and have the potential to be not so nice.  Avoid those because they're unpredictable.  Then there are other groups of people who have no qualms being obnoxiously rude.  They have no filter.  Avoid them like the plague.

Don't put stock into public people.  They're faceless nobodies. 

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Are you living in a big city? Lots of times people in big cities are detached when it comes to empathy. They live fast lives and dont really care about random people on the street. I would more contribute your experience to that.

Also, its more beneficial for you to examine why is it bothering you. Is it because they are rude? Or because your lack of reaction? People brush those kind of stuff on daily basis. Especially, again, if they live in bigger cities. Because, at the end of the day, its really not that important. He was rude, cut the line and took burger before you. Its not really worth your mental health. But you are being bothered so makes me think you maybe feel guilty for your lack of reaction. I am a big advocate for people standing for themselves. Its something that you should learn through life. But, again, does it matter in this case? If he is trully rude he would pick a fight. Over a spot at the burger place. So, in general, you did nothing wrong and can brush it off. Its something to think about.

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I actually think this is pretty common and normal.  I hate to say it but people can be obnoxious and not really care or clueless or just having a bad day or whatever.  I just accept that THEY have a problem and I choose to be thankful I actually don't know them.  But I know what you mean-- some random slight from a stranger can be burned into the brain.  And I bet they don't even remember it.  LOL.  It is not you.  

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11 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Are you living in a big city? Lots of times people in big cities are detached when it comes to empathy. They live fast lives and dont really care about random people on the street. I would more contribute your experience to that.

Also, its more beneficial for you to examine why is it bothering you. Is it because they are rude? Or because your lack of reaction? People brush those kind of stuff on daily basis. Especially, again, if they live in bigger cities. Because, at the end of the day, its really not that important. He was rude, cut the line and took burger before you. Its not really worth your mental health. But you are being bothered so makes me think you maybe feel guilty for your lack of reaction. I am a big advocate for people standing for themselves. Its something that you should learn through life. But, again, does it matter in this case? If he is trully rude he would pick a fight. Over a spot at the burger place. So, in general, you did nothing wrong and can brush it off. Its something to think about.

Yes, I do live in a big city.  I've lived spent most of my life in large cities, less a 12 year stint in a community of around 100K.  In the smaller community I also had these interactions, though overall I found it happened less.  Probably because it was likely I'd run into that person again, or know someone in their family. 

And yes, I often walk away from these situations thinking about what snarky comment I could have made in return.  Logically I know it doesn't matter, these small interactions with random strangers.  And escalating the situation by confronting them seems both pointless and potentially dangerous.

Sigh, I guess I'm just bummed out with the state of humanity.  The bullying seems rampant.  Both in the real world and online.  I've dialed down my social media presence and intake, and that has helped some.  I've tried to anticipate that I'll run into these people and these situations so that I can take them in stride.  I do try to bush them off, focus on all the positive in my life and everything that you kind folks here are telling me to do.  Logically, I know this is how it's all supposed to work.  But my brain still fails to let these interactions go.  They gnaw at me, over and over and over again.  

Thanks, Lambert.  I'm glad I'm not the only one. 

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1 hour ago, AndrewMo said:

Yes, I do live in a big city.  I've lived spent most of my life in large cities, less a 12 year stint in a community of around 100K.  In the smaller community I also had these interactions, though overall I found it happened less.  Probably because it was likely I'd run into that person again, or know someone in their family. 

And yes, I often walk away from these situations thinking about what snarky comment I could have made in return.  Logically I know it doesn't matter, these small interactions with random strangers.  And escalating the situation by confronting them seems both pointless and potentially dangerous.

Sigh, I guess I'm just bummed out with the state of humanity.  The bullying seems rampant.  Both in the real world and online.  I've dialed down my social media presence and intake, and that has helped some.  I've tried to anticipate that I'll run into these people and these situations so that I can take them in stride.  I do try to bush them off, focus on all the positive in my life and everything that you kind folks here are telling me to do.  Logically, I know this is how it's all supposed to work.  But my brain still fails to let these interactions go.  They gnaw at me, over and over and over again.  

Thanks, Lambert.  I'm glad I'm not the only one. 

I remember standing in line for pizza a few years ago and this woman was super rude to me by cutting in front of me, placing her order with nary an explanation despite my speaking up to the pizzeria employee telling him I was there first.  He took her order anyway.  I wasn't about to pick a fight with her because if she's that unhappy to pull a stunt like that, I wasn't about to engage in a shouting match.  I let it go, placed my order, waited for my pizza and off I went.  My husband was waiting in the car and yes, people can be jerks but this is the way of the world so grow accustomed to it.

I was picked on by bullies even when I was 14 years old.  It doesn't matter to me.  I attended my HS reunion years ago and these bullies grew up to be a bunch of losers.  They didn't fare well in life, had high divorce rates, unsuccessful relationships and in comparison, I ended up having a very blessed life on all counts. 

People can be jerks.  Don't let it ruin your day though.  If you have good people in your life, be grateful for them.  Dealing with the public is daunting but I always remember where I come home to.  I have a husband who loves and cares for me not just with his words as talk is cheap but with how he treats me with respect everyday.  I count my blessings.  I have two amazing sons.  My husband and I have done well for ourselves.  We live a very comfortable life.

As for social media, I'm no longer on FB.  I don't need to remember everyone's birthdays, anniversaries, don't need to know where they dined at, where they vacationed at, don't need to read about them boasting about their children and all the minutiae.  I can't keep up with everyone.  I can't say I miss FB either.  I've since ducked out.  I'm doing a fade out of social media altogether because truth be told, cell phones, computers, TV and social media turn into huge time traps.  Before you know it, the day gets away from you.  You can't get anything done.

Whenever I'm in public waiting for something, I'll take out my library book from my bag and read instead of having my nose in my phone like everyone else.  I'm going in the opposite direction and it's refreshing.  I also find more time for myself, sports, many hobbies, cooking more instead of takeout meals, reading books and the like. 

We place too much importance on other people.  Concentrate on yourself and whatever other people do or say won't affect you as much.  You'll build a steelier, tougher exterior which is impenetrable.  Your self confidence will soar. 

I look at photos of myself from long ago and I wonder who she was?  She never had a backbone, so naive, timid and I'm glad I'm not her anymore.  I wanted to be well liked and while that's wonderful, I already have my set of dear friends and secure home front so I don't need to let the ugly public dictate how to feel.  I live a good, prosperous life and it's all that matters.  If people are nice, that's great and if they're not?  Who cares? 🙄  It's their problem.  Let them stew in their own juices.

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3 hours ago, AndrewMo said:

And this isn't the first time this type of interaction has happened to me.  I feel like I've got some sort of target on my back.  Perfect strangers being rude and abrasive to me for no reason.  If I were to guess, maybe because I'm mixed race?  I don't know, but it always seems to be white dudes who choose to pick on me.  This problem has definitely gotten worse in the past six years with the overall rise in tension and anxiety in the US.  

I guess I'm curious if anyone else experiences this, and if so, how do you deal with it?  I find myself still replaying crap that happened to me more than a year ago.  

Since you brought it up, I'll ask:  It's possible that your perception is that other people's rudeness comes from your being of a mixed race.  When we can see, by the many examples given by others, that unfortunately, rudeness is just an unfortunate common thing these days, regardless of race, gender, etc.

I'm a white older woman (just to point out that race/gender has little to do with others' rudeness), and yesterday, my city was experiencing massive storms.  

While I was driving, two of my "Low Tire" lights went on at the same time, indicating two possible flats.  I made this weird turn around on a small street, as we were approaching the street that turns to the freeway, and I was trying to get to a parking lot for safety.   This car started honking, flipping me off, yelling.  I was trying to motion that I was trying to get to safety, but I could barely see with the rain, afraid I'd get stuck with two flat tires.  The person drove around me again, and I thought, oh cool, they're going to help me.  Nope, only to flip me off again, honk like a madman, flash their brights on & off behind me, and squeal off.

Rudeness happens.  

How I dealt with it?  I pulled into a parking lot, looked up the closest tire place, and calmly drove there.  The guy at the place was super nice, fixed my tires, got me off safely, and then....I had a deep breath, pulled into another parking place, and called a friend for a 30 minute chat.  By the time we were done, incident was forgotten.

So, any sort of coping mechanism helps.  Deep breaths.  A nice walk.  A chat with a friend.  Treat yourself to ice cream.  

And fuggeddabout the rude people who flip us off.  They're not worth the space in our head.

 

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30 minutes ago, Starlight925 said:

Since you brought it up, I'll ask:  It's possible that your perception is that other people's rudeness comes from your being of a mixed race.  When we can see, by the many examples given by others, that unfortunately, rudeness is just an unfortunate common thing these days, regardless of race, gender, etc.

 

While certainly people other than white males have been rude to me, if I didn't feel there were a patten present I wouldn't have brought it up.  If I were to break it down into a percentage, I'd say that 70% of the times strangers have been rude to me, or I've been witness to rude behavior, the offender has been a white male.  Take that how you will. 

Now, are they picking on me because I am of mixed race? Well, that's more difficult to say.  All I can add to that is there's a certain segment of angry white males that have been emboldened in recent years.  Perhaps they are indiscriminate in their rude behavior.  But speaking with my friends who are also mixed or completely non-white I'd say they are targeting those who clearly don't present white.

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Just now, AndrewMo said:

While certainly people other than white males have been rude to me, if I didn't feel there were a patten present I wouldn't have brought it up.  If I were to break it down into a percentage, I'd say that 70% of the times strangers have been rude to me, or I've been witness to rude behavior, the offender has been a white male.  Take that how you will. 

Now, are they picking on me because I am of mixed race? Well, that's more difficult to say.  All I can add to that is there's a certain segment of angry white males that have been emboldened in recent years.  Perhaps they are indiscriminate in their rude behavior.  But speaking with my friends who are also mixed or completely non-white I'd say they are targeting those who clearly don't present white.

I hope you don't live in redneck country because where I'm at in the US, racism is very regional according to which part of the country or county you live in. 

I'm sorry you're experiencing rudeness due to racism and discrimination. 

Be strong and stay strong.  Don't let them get the best of you.  Perpetrators act the way they do because they're thick.  Rise above it. 

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11 hours ago, AndrewMo said:

But my brain still fails to let these interactions go.  They gnaw at me, over and over and over again.  

It's you failing not your "brain" -you choose ways to prevent this focus and to do damage control post-focus. I gave you one suggestion -brisk cardio exercise especially if you can do so shortly after the interaction -walking away briskly (I wrote this above).  When I did that a few days ago (I have lived in two of the largest cities in the US for 56 years straight -43 years in the larger one) - the cold air also helped -was invigorating/distracting/refreshing.  I have to come up with these tools because I am a mom. 

Want negative interactions -just wake up a teenager for school.  Want your buttons pushed? Tell said teenager he has to turn off his computer and leave for school.  Or, take your baby/toddler/young child out in public and you're front and center for all the "comments" because parents are targets if Little Angel is doing whatever -not wearing socks in his stroller when it's cold out, fussing in the checkout line at the store, walking a couple of feet away to get napkins for his mom at a Starbucks because he's a "big boy". 

I don't want to be constantly on edge/raising my voice/stressed out/letting out negative vibes so I've come up with preventative tools and post-comments/interaction tools.  It is my choice how to react -don't blame "your brain" or "i can't help it" -in this case you can help it.  Helps your blood pressure and stomach/head too.

Also having lived in large cities for 56 years - walk away.  No snarky comments back -I remember around 20-30 years ago as the story went a woman made such a comment to someone on the street who harassed her and she got beaten to death. 

I made what I thought was neutral eye contact one morning on a train platform in the early 90s at rush hour -you know looking around to see who was around me and I got circled by 5 teenage girls on the platform and then on the train, kicked and called a racial slur -no one tried to help me until after I got off the train. I had an interview that day - 15 minutes after. What if I'd chosen to say something nasty to those girls or let it hang on me while I had to show up for the interview (I got the job).  

There was a story last week about a news reporter beaten up on a subway because he tried to stop teenagers from behaving violently on a subway - so can you imagine if you actually confronted a nasty stranger with a retort? It's so not worth it.  IMO. You always have a choice.

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2 hours ago, Batya33 said:

It's you failing not your "brain" -you choose ways to prevent this focus and to do damage control post-focus. I gave you one suggestion -brisk cardio exercise especially if you can do so shortly after the interaction -walking away briskly (I wrote this above).  When I did that a few days ago (I have lived in two of the largest cities in the US for 56 years straight -43 years in the larger one) - the cold air also helped -was invigorating/distracting/refreshing.  I have to come up with these tools because I am a mom. 

Want negative interactions -just wake up a teenager for school.  Want your buttons pushed? Tell said teenager he has to turn off his computer and leave for school.  Or, take your baby/toddler/young child out in public and you're front and center for all the "comments" because parents are targets if Little Angel is doing whatever -not wearing socks in his stroller when it's cold out, fussing in the checkout line at the store, walking a couple of feet away to get napkins for his mom at a Starbucks because he's a "big boy". 

I don't want to be constantly on edge/raising my voice/stressed out/letting out negative vibes so I've come up with preventative tools and post-comments/interaction tools.  It is my choice how to react -don't blame "your brain" or "i can't help it" -in this case you can help it.  Helps your blood pressure and stomach/head too.

Also having lived in large cities for 56 years - walk away.  No snarky comments back -I remember around 20-30 years ago as the story went a woman made such a comment to someone on the street who harassed her and she got beaten to death. 

I made what I thought was neutral eye contact one morning on a train platform in the early 90s at rush hour -you know looking around to see who was around me and I got circled by 5 teenage girls on the platform and then on the train, kicked and called a racial slur -no one tried to help me until after I got off the train. I had an interview that day - 15 minutes after. What if I'd chosen to say something nasty to those girls or let it hang on me while I had to show up for the interview (I got the job).  

There was a story last week about a news reporter beaten up on a subway because he tried to stop teenagers from behaving violently on a subway - so can you imagine if you actually confronted a nasty stranger with a retort? It's so not worth it.  IMO. You always have a choice.

Thank you for your comments.  I feel that you're making a few assumptions about me that do not apply.  For example that I have no street smarts and that I'm not a father.  I don't want to go on the defensive here, but I also don't fall into the neurotypical range.  I am intelligent enough to understand the logic behind all of these scenarios that you and others have offered up.  And I can apply logic to my own circumstances.  That doesn't mean that I also don't have knee jerk reactions (wanting to react with a snarky retort) or thoughts that go against the logical side of my brain.  Just as I am intelligent enough to understand that my brain (again, not neurotypical) doesn't function the way most people's brains do.  I'm working to gain the tools as I recognize this is a problem that has continually presented itself throughout my lifetime.  It seems odd that a person of 47 years of age who has spent the majority of their life in large cities has this problem, no?  I agree.  Thanks for your suggestion brisk cardio, I'll give that a shot.  

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Sounds obnoxious. Now don't take this the wrong way, but could you be picking up on the white men's actions more due to the news and atmosphere? Where you are ascribing additional motives to their boorish behavior, rather than them just being jerks? It's very easy to make these assumptions of racial animus in the current climate, as we hear about it all the time.

What could be another option as to why you could bear the brunt of rude jerks is how you carry yourself in public. If you are carrying yourself like a wet noodle walking around, people will use that to intimidate you.  On the other hand if you take the body posture of a marine and glare at people one gets less bothered. Predatory jerks will target the weakest link.

 

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Years ago I was grocery shopping. Just walking around the store pushing my cart and minding my own business choosing groceries and putting them into the cart. I went down an aisle and a couple turned and came up the same aisle. The man was pushing a cart and the woman was walking beside him. The woman stepped toward me suddenly, stomping her foot, leaning toward me in a threatening manner and glaring at me. I have no idea why. I wasn't in their way, didn't get in front of them or next to them and hadn't said anything to them. I found it ludicrous and started laughing. I couldn't help it, it was so ridiculous. The woman took the glare off her face and they walked away. I really have no idea why she did that. The man looked embarrassed too. He should have been. 

I'm at the age where I'm not afraid of or intimidated by anyone. I figure, what can anyone do, beat me up? So what? If beating up a little old lady is their jam, oh well. They'll get arrested.

I can't tell you not to let things bother you because it's not that simple. Rude or entitled people are out there, unfortunately. But they're no reflection on you or on who you are as a person. 

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19 minutes ago, Coily said:

Sounds obnoxious. Now don't take this the wrong way, but could you be picking up on the white men's actions more due to the news and atmosphere? Where you are ascribing additional motives to their boorish behavior, rather than them just being jerks? It's very easy to make these assumptions of racial animus in the current climate, as we hear about it all the time.

What could be another option as to why you could bear the brunt of rude jerks is how you carry yourself in public. If you are carrying yourself like a wet noodle walking around, people will use that to intimidate you.  On the other hand if you take the body posture of a marine and glare at people one gets less bothered. Predatory jerks will target the weakest link.

 

It's possible I suppose that my senses are up in regards to the actions of white men.  I understand what you are getting at.  My father was a white man, and generally speaking he was treated differently than I am as an adult.  I married a white woman and my son presents as white, and I can see how he is also treated differently than I was as a child.  Just as I can see how I'm treated differently when I am with my wife and son vs. how I'm treated when I'm alone.  Could my observations be acutely inaccurate?  Of course. 

The subject of skin color privilege is one that is incredibly difficult to explain to those who have never experienced it first hand.  I find those who have traveled extensively into other countries tend to be more empathetic.  The feeling one gets when absolutely surrounded by a mass of people who don't look like you do, or speak the same language, or share a common culture... that feeling of not belonging... that's the way many people like myself feel all of the time or at least often feel that way.  

All of this aside, I don't want my posts to veer off track into culture and politics.  My main goal is to try and gain the tools and strategies I need to improve my reaction to these events.  I do try to anticipate and accept that people suck and these situations will continue to present themselves.  

Regarding how I carry myself.  I don't know.  I would consider myself fairly average in the way I present in terms of physical attributes.  Besides my skin tone and face I'm of average height and weight, I dress normally for my age, and tend not to stand out in any way.  It's an interesting thought though, and I'll have to look into specific body cues to know if I'm doing something that does make me stand out.  But, as far as I know, this isn't an issue.  

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59 minutes ago, AndrewMo said:

My main goal is to try and gain the tools and strategies I need to improve my reaction to these events.  I do try to anticipate and accept that people suck and these situations will continue to present themselves.  

I have to wonder with the way you responded to my post whether you might give off negative energy/vibes/carry yourself in a way that could make you more of a target as someone else suggested.  I don't agree that "people suck" -I think there are individuals who behave rudely/inappropriately/offensively at times and obviously there are some bad people out there.

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4 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I have to wonder with the way you responded to my post whether you might give off negative energy/vibes/carry yourself in a way that could make you more of a target as someone else suggested.  I don't agree that "people suck" -I think there are individuals who behave rudely/inappropriately/offensively at times and obviously there are some bad people out there.

It could be that there's a vibe or energy that I'm giving off that makes me a target.  This idea is far more interesting to me than the advice to "turn the other cheek" and simply ignore the problem.  I do logically realize that engaging strangers is not important in the grand scheme of things.  And that bullying happens in the work place, in the home, and so on, which are far more tricky situations to navigate.

"People suck" is merely a shorthand expression, a concept.  I understand that there are certainly times when I'm sure people have regretted the way they have treated me.  And in fact, I've had several people over the years apologize to me for their behavior.  Given those opportunities to redress those times I'm careful not to brush it off as "no big deal" or let them off of the hook.  My response usually falls into the realm of "I'm glad you can see how it hurt me" or "I'm happy to see you've grown" and couple that with thanking them for telling me and how I feel good knowing they've had a change of heart.  I'm not certain I'm handling this is the right way, but hopefully they understand that I too have carried that memory and that their actions had ripple effects.  

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2 hours ago, AndrewMo said:

 I also don't fall into the neurotypical range.

You seem to come from a nice family and now have a wonderful wife and child as well as friends. That's the important thing. There's rude people in all shapes, sizes, colors in large cities and small towns everywhere.

No one is actually immune to it. You stated your not "neurotypical". Perhaps that heightens your sensitivity to it? Anyone who's lived in a city has encountered someone who just barks at parking meters other people, whatever. Ignore them.

The important thing is not random weirdos and their rudeness, but people who matter and are important to you. And you seem to have that in place.

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I've had people point out to me when I make remarks out loud while driving behind someone driving poorly.."they can't hear you, you know?"  It was that moment that I realized I was letting some stranger upset me for a minute or an hour and it wasn't worth getting upset for just one second!
Later that week, I printed this following statement I found on the internet.  I keep a small printout of it at my desk at work and in my car...


We have 86,400 seconds in every day so don't let someone's negative 10 seconds ruin the rest of the 86,390 remaining seconds. Don't sweat the small stuff; life is bigger than that.

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Ignore.  I've found the best revenge is to live a good life.  Personally, I've found success, prospered, have a blessed marriage, mother of two great sons and enjoy a very settled, established life in the suburbs for a long time.  My secret to happiness is to count my blessings.  It's daily gratitude.  Don't let the naysayers get the best of you. 

People who are mean are unhappy people.  They are fraught with many troubles and worries about their lack of financial security, poor health, bad relationships, unhappy households, employment woes or lack thereof, problems with colleagues, lonely, isolated, forgotten, downtrodden and it runs the gamut.  In turn, these unhappy, stressed people have their "misery loves company" mindset.  They go out of their way to make you just as miserable as they are by saying something snide or do something to make you feel bad.  Take pity on their poor souls or take it a step further by ignoring them.  They don't matter.  They're worth nothing to you. 

You are in your safe haven bubble with a wife, child, family life and friends.  Focus on them and what you have. 

Become passive aggressive. 

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On 1/25/2023 at 8:07 PM, AndrewMo said:

I've dialed down my social media presence and intake, and that has helped some.

I'd eliminate it altogether if I were you. Social media doesn't just track what you click, it identifies what's on the screen when you stop scrolling. If you pause to look at a cute animal video, you'll see more of those. If you pause to look at videos about racism and hate crimes, you'll see more of those. Suddenly, it seems like the world is filled with that stuff. Best thing you can do for yourself is delete it!

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10 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I'd eliminate it altogether if I were you. Social media doesn't just track what you click, it identifies what's on the screen when you stop scrolling. If you pause to look at a cute animal video, you'll see more of those. If you pause to look at videos about racism and hate crimes, you'll see more of those. Suddenly, it seems like the world is filled with that stuff. Best thing you can do for yourself is delete it!

I wouldn't do so if he uses social media to stay in touch with people who are thoughtful and well intentioned and/or family and friends. I'm on a couple of wonderful and moderated FB groups related to my various interests- including two that have to do with writers and readers -and it's very enriching and affirming.

One of my friends -who I've met once in person around 7 years ago when we met on a park bench when she was visiting my city- has a thread for the last 3 years where each participant posts "one good thing" that happened that day -often very small things or big things -about 10-15 people participate and it's heartwarming.  Never ever braggy and always just one good thing to be thankful for.  It helps combat "bad karma" or negative interactions that might happen.  

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32 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I'm on a couple of wonderful and moderated FB groups related to my various interests- including two that have to do with writers and readers -and it's very enriching and affirming.

Yes, but you don't have a problem where you fixate on small, negative interactions with strangers. Your experience would not be positive if you had that predisposition.

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