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Hi!

I met a guy on tinder a little less than a year ago. He lives an hour away and doesn't drive (at the time he didn't) so we went only went out on like 3 dates over a few months. We got along amazingly well and basically texted each other every single day from the day we first started talking. I ended up asking him kind of "what we were" etc. and he said I felt more like a sister to him but still wanted to go out. Then he said maybe that his brain was coming up with ways to avoid being coming attached to me because he was leaving for work within a few months and didn't want to do long distance and that saying "sister" was weird and not what he meant. Basically we decided to be friends and kept texting everyday. We stopped hanging out but kept texting about plans and things to do together. 

I asked him to hang out at the end of summer. He came over and we walked around/went to a mall etc. We stopped texting but kept messaging on snap and ig. Once a day/once every few days. He got really weird and ignored me for 2 weeks. I basically asked him what was up and he was super apologetic and said he was going through some personal stuff and didnt want to tell me. I told him I was there for him and that we were friends and it's ok. He never opened my response to him on insta but we kept talking on snap. 

We continued talking etc, i traveled overseas and his job ended up getting pushed back. Basically he messaged me like normal and everything and we were sending paragraphs of messages to each-other about different topics etc for the last 3 months.

Now, for some weird reason he hasn't opened my message in 3 weeks. I didn't do or say anything different. He was still watching my story on ig and snap. 

It's not that I like him and want to date him. But i'm just so sad because I really considered him one of my closest friends. Honestly kind of like a guy-best friend. I have a close circle of friends so it just really hurts that he is ignoring me now. 

Should I block him or remove him as a friend? should i say something to him? Grateful for any advice ❤️ Thank you!

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I think this situation had too many obstacles to be any sort of lasting friendship.  You met initially for the purpose of dating.  You went on dates but he told you he wasn't interested in dating you -or at least interested enough.  He knew you were interested in dating him because that is why you asked him what his intentions were after 3 dates.  That plus the distance makes him not a good candidate for being your "friend" and he knows it so he is distancing himself.  I'd let him be and move on -I'm sorry you're disappointed!

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Hi there 

 This behavor seems very off to me and too you as well. It maybe sounds like he maybe be in a relationship with someone else, I am not trying to jumo to anything just what it sounds like. Are you 100% he doesnt have a girlfriend?

Have you tried to call him on his normal number? If not i would start there and if he answers I would flat out ask him what the deal is. If he doesnt answer the call I would give it a couple of days and if he doesnt return the call I would remove him from your life. 

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20 minutes ago, Daphne said:

he said I felt more like a sister to him

Sisterzoned lol

Yeah, you were friendzoned. You maybe believed that something would happen but he was explicit that it never would. 

24 minutes ago, Daphne said:

But i'm just so sad because I really considered him one of my closest friends.

Why? No, I am seriosly asking? He continuosly showed you that he isnt a good friend by literally ignoring you. 

 

25 minutes ago, Daphne said:

Should I block him or remove him as a friend? should i say something to him?

Dont say anything to him. He continously showed you that he is not a boyfriend material nore friend. Just act according to that and remove and block him.

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1 minute ago, Kwothe28 said:

Sisterzoned lol

Yeah, you were friendzoned. You maybe believed that something would happen but he was explicit that it never would. 

Why? No, I am seriosly asking? He continuosly showed you that he isnt a good friend by literally ignoring you. 

 

Dont say anything to him. He continously showed you that he is not a boyfriend material nore friend. Just act according to that and remove and block him.

I was fine with being friends. "sisterzoned" was weird and he said that wasnt what he meant and he didnt have any sisters and has never felt close to another girl like how he did with me and that's what he meant. I honestly didnt feel like he'd be a good boyfriend from the beginning and I've enjoyed our relationship more now that we are friends than when we were dating; it's more relaxed and friendly.

We texted everyday. He would send me loooong messages and we talked about everything from current events, to our families, to weird situations with people, or cool stuff we had bought. 

He only ever ignored me once- so up until october he was always a good friend really. But you're right, now that he has done it again he has shown he isnt a good friend. 

Do you think removing him as a friend on socials is too extreme? 

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30 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I think this situation had too many obstacles to be any sort of lasting friendship.  You met initially for the purpose of dating.  You went on dates but he told you he wasn't interested in dating you -or at least interested enough.  He knew you were interested in dating him because that is why you asked him what his intentions were after 3 dates.  That plus the distance makes him not a good candidate for being your "friend" and he knows it so he is distancing himself.  I'd let him be and move on -I'm sorry you're disappointed!

Thanks for your feedback, i think you're right; i just need to leave him alone and move on. Do you think I should block him or remove him from socials? It's just so weird to me that someone can spend almost a whole year texting someone almost daily and then suddenly ignore them 🥲 but i guess people have different standards for friendship lol

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Removing is a kind of symbolic action you can take to tell yourself ‘this person isn’t my friend anymore, a friend wouldn’t go radio silent on me!’

It does keep the possibility that he may reach out later and you two might be able to reconnect in some capacity. If you have the reserves of good mood to allow him some grace that could be the option to take. 
 

Blocking will save you from the possibility of him reconnecting and then dropping you again. If you’re already feeling pretty hurt by it, this might be the best action to take for self preservation. Especially considering your history of unrequited love, this might be the wisest choice for getting free and moving on. 

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19 minutes ago, Daphne said:

Do you think removing him as a friend on socials is too extreme? 

Nah, I think its OK. Again, he showed you he is not a friend and you shouldnt treat him as such. So feel free to remove him if you wish that. 

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While we can meet people and it turn to a true friendship. You have to consider the context of how you met and what the nature of the initial connection was.  You met on a dating app.  Not a friendship app.  

I think he probably ignores you when he is dating someone and keeps you around because he enjoys your correspondence when it works for him.  It's not a real friendship as in time spent together.  I don't mean to belittle that the friendship was real on your end.  So I am sorry if my opinion stings. 

I am willing to bet you have enough real friends to just cut the cord.  Block him and put more effort into other friendships, mainly people you can spend time with in real life. 

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I think he is probably seeing someone else, is distracted with her and also doesn't want to raise her suspicions by continuing to message a lot with another woman. 

In any case, it doesn't sound like he is a true friend. He's a chat buddy at most. I would not think twice about removing him from social media. Go for it. He'll be fine, and you won't endlessly wonder where he has gone. This was a situaiton that had an expiration date on it and was eventually going to fizzle. That time has come. 

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3 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

I think he is probably seeing someone else, is distracted with her and also doesn't want to raise her suspicions by continuing to message a lot with another woman. 

These were my thoughts exactly.  He's presumably not dead as he's still watching your stories (I have no idea how IG or Snapchat work), so he's made the choice not to reply to you.  If this is the first time he's not replied, I guess you could follow up with him to check whether he received your message, but if he hadn't, then surely he'd have asked if you were OK by now?  It sounds to me like he's dating someone and has chosen to wipe you out because you're no longer serving a purpose.

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Keep your standards for friendship clear -don't try to make friends through a dating app or change a dating arrangement into a friendship especially when you still have romantic attraction -even if you are "fine" being friends.  I actually am friends with men I dated and originally met through a dating site but the relationship ended then a friendship remained in certain circumstances.  You blurred the lines as did he - he told you from the beginning he didn't feel the same as you -you two were not on the same page and he figured if he changed his mind you'd be available to contact.  

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There just wasn't enough to hold onto with this guy to really build a viable friendship.   Friendships need nurturing like other relationships; even though you connected well in a friendly way from the Internet and the few times you met up, it just was not going to be sustainable.  

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